Scent of a Woman
by edwardsisobel
Summary: When Edward vaulted over the Volvo to save Bella from being crushed by the van, Alice had heard him whisper, "Not her!". What she didn't hear were the next two, "Not again!". What secrets in their past make Edward sure he needs to stay away from Bella...
1. Chapter 1 Recognition

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Warning: This story contains lemons, lots of angsty stuff and scenes of a violent nature on occasion. It is rated M for a reason**

**A big thank you to my beta – Beans827 – she makes this story look good – she is my comma queen! Plus she has started up a thread for this story over on here, so come and chat: **

******.?f=33&t=7466**

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**Chapter 1 – Recognition**

Calmly in the half-light

Tall branches surround,

Let our love be filled by

This silence profound.

Hearts and souls blend there

And sense's ecstasy,

With the vague languor

Of pine and strawberry.

With eyelids scarce apart,

Arms crossed in dream,

From your slumbering heart

Chase forever every scheme.

Let's be convinced at last

By the sweet lulling breeze

That makes the russet grass

Wave in ripples at your feet.

And when solemn evening

Falls from black oaks there,

The nightingale will sing,

The voice of our despair.

(Paul Verlaine, "Muted", English translation of En Sourdine)

**Forks, Washington - January 2005**

**BPOV**

I had just walked into the biology lab for my first class after lunch when I felt a strange prickling sensation spread out from my shoulder blades. People had spent the whole day so far staring at me as if I was some sort of circus oddity, but this felt different. I had felt it earlier in the cafeteria too, but shrugged it off as just being overly self-conscious. I hated attention of any kind, so I entered the lab with my eyes fixed firmly on the floor trying to deflect it away from me.

The feeling that someone was staring at me intensified and I couldn't resist the urge to look up; straight into the most gorgeous deep, dark, obsidian eyes I had ever seen. I gasped in shock. I think my mouth dropped open a little, but I quickly shut it and stared right back at him. I could not stop staring at the boys' face; at those eyes with the ridiculously long, black lashes, the chiselled jaw, the long straight nose, those full pink lips and the messy, bronze-coloured, bed hair. Beautiful!

No, not a boy really, an old fashioned phrase came to mind, "young man" suited him much better. He seemed more mature than other boys our age. I shut my eyes and shook my head trying to shake his image out of my brain. I knew that I had never met him before, but his face was almost as familiar to me as my own. I knew him intimately. I had spent hours drawing him from my dreams for years.

When I dreamt of him though, he had irresistible sea green eyes and dressed in vintage clothing. I had long ago decided that my mind must have conjured up an amalgamation of all my favourite Jane Austen heroes rolled into one, younger gorgeous man to combat the constant loneliness I endured. I had never really fit in that well at my school in Phoenix and I had spent a lot of time alone. _What the fuck?_ Was I now going completely crazy as well as being socially retarded?

My parents always said that I had a brilliant imagination, but my mind was going just a little too far this time. The weird thing was, he was staring back at me too, piercingly, as if trying to get inside my head. Heck, he came from inside my freaky head, what didn't he know about what was going through it? I blushed then, remembering my dream from last night. His face had been close to mine, the tips of my fingers brushing across his full bottom lip and he had whispered "mine" moments before he had fleetingly brushed his lips softly across my mouth. It had felt so real at the time, my lips tingled now just at the memory.

I moved further into the room towards the teacher and passed by the fan oscillating at the front of the class. I still had my eyes fixed firmly on his and as the warm air from the fan lifted my hair from my shoulders, I was startled to see him inhale sharply and a pained expression filtered across his face. His nostrils flared, his eyes widened, and if at all possible, they became darker than before. The teacher motioned for me to move forward then and I dragged my eyes away from his reluctantly.

Mr Banner took the paperwork from the office out of my hands that I had forgotten I was holding, handed me a textbook and indicated for me to sit in the only empty seat in the room. Of course, the only remaining seat was right next to the young man I had been blatantly staring at just moments ago. I felt embarrassed and ducked my head as I moved between the other lab tables to get to the one assigned to me. I quickly sat down and glanced towards him. His intent stare from earlier had metamorphosed into a glare and I could feel the anger radiating off him in waves. I hurriedly turned back towards the front of the classroom and ducked my head down again.

That's it! I am officially the weird, crazy girl. First, I have conjured up my dream man in the class on my first day at this new school. Second, he has never met me, yet he seems to hate me. Am I still asleep and having nightmares about my first day? I pinched myself, gritted my teeth because that really hurt, and tried to calm down. What the hell was happening to me? I could still feel him staring at me but I couldn't face him again just now, so I sat very still and looked to the front of the class. The time seemed to drag on, then the bell rang and he jumped out of his seat so fast, it tipped and fell on the floor. He left it there and eased past me, but angled back as if he would catch something if he touched me and rushed towards the door as if the hounds of hell were chasing him.

**EPOV**

Most days, I found it particularly easy to block the inane, insignificant mind chatter of the students at Forks High where my brothers and sisters and I had been pretending to be high school students for 2 years. We went to school often when we moved to new towns, to try to fit in with the locals so that we could lead somewhat "normal" lives for as long as possible.

At least, that was the aim; however, we never seemed to fit in wherever we went as people were so intimidated by us. Firstly, being vampires, we were by design, very attractive beings and this caused feelings of inadequacy and jealousy to those around us. Secondly, people tended to instinctively sense our danger to them and kept their distance even though they did not know exactly why they did so.

Today though, I almost wished I did not have the gift of mind reading. Usually I managed quite well in tuning out of people's minds. However, right now in the crowded room, I was finding it increasingly difficult to get any peace because of the excitement generated by the new girl in town. Literally, everybody in school was thinking about the new girl with thoughts ranging from merely curious to lustful from a surprisingly large number of the male population. This, in turn, lead to some incredibly vindictively jealous thoughts by the girls, particularly Lauren and Jessica, who were not used to having the boys' focus not on them..

I could see the girl in the cafeteria sitting with Jessica on the far side of the room. She had long brown hair and sat hunched in the chair with her back to me. Jessica was the bane of my existence. I had had to suffer for the last two years through every fantasy that girl had about me and, unfortunately, as she got older, those daydreams of hers had become more than a little explicitly uncomfortable. Currently, I could hear what she was saying to the Swan girl and, unsurprisingly, she was giving her the low down on my family. In her mind though, she was filled with jealousy for the interest that the new girl had generated and was scathingly critical of her.

The Swan girl's long, dark, wavy hair drew my eyes; I couldn't help myself and surreptitiously I tried to get a better look at her. The girl frustratingly stayed facing the other way and although Jessica was talking to her, she did not look into her face as she did, so I could not see her through Jessica's thoughts either. Just then, the girl turned a fraction of an inch toward me and her long hair swayed to the side. I caught a glimpse of her pale face in the split second she peered through her hair towards our table. Just as quickly, she spun back and the moment was lost. The hairs on the back of my neck raised and I felt a tremor of anticipation run through me.

Emmett startled me as he snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Earth to Edward, snap out of it, we have been trying to get your attention for ages, man."

In fact, now that I was paying attention to them, they were all practically shouting at me in their minds. I swivelled on my seat to face my family with a scowl on my face only to see them all sporting huge grins.

"What were you looking at, Edward? Your eyes were starting to glaze over," Alice said, giggling.

Emmett leaned away from the table and peered around my shoulder and then whistled quietly, "Brunette! Nice!"

Rosalie punched him none too softly in the arm. Emmett turned to her and spread out his hands, "Babe, you know you are the only woman for me."

Edward's hackles rose and he answered Emmett defensively. "Emmett, you know I take my gift seriously to protect the family. I was listening in to the conversations around to make sure we are all in the clear and the suspicions of the new girl have not been raised."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Give over, Edward; we are all aware that you have this secret thing for brunettes. So, what does the new little girl think about us?"

If I could have blushed then, I would have. I was embarrassed. I didn't realize I was that obvious. I stood up quickly from the table; a little too quickly as my chair flew out behind me. Luckily, Emmett grabbed it before anyone realized anything out of the ordinary and I stalked out of the cafeteria and headed off to the biology lab for my next class.

The lab was empty thankfully as class was not due to start for a little while. I sat at my usual place at the lab bench and leaned against the window next to me trying to calm down. The rain, as usual in Forks, was beating down outside and the heavy raindrops were hitting the glass soothing me with their intensity.

I realized abruptly that although I had told the family that I had been listening out for the new girl's thoughts, I had been distracted with trying to see her better and did not realize that I had not heard a thing from her mind. That had never happened to me before. Ever! _Maybe I had heard her thoughts but did not know they were hers?_ There had been a lot of noise at the time.

I shook my head. I am sure the next time I am a little closer to her, I will be able to distinguish her thoughts. I became determined then to find her after class to make sure she was not too curious. It was only moments before the other students started filing into the room and I opened my books ready to start the lesson. I was feeling very irritable. I was sick of being 17 and stuck in school. I was so bored. I knew I would not learn anything today as I had taken this subject so many times already, I knew more about it than the teacher.

I slouched in my chair and tried to engender some enthusiasm but I was feeling uncharacteristically rebellious today. Normally, because we are destined to live forever, time is rather meaningless to us. Today though, each second felt like an excruciating hour. How was I going to get through the next two years here and matriculate again? I needed something to help me pass the time, but what?

I was not prepared when it happened; for too many years I had been hoping and waiting, until with the passing of each year, I was convinced that I would never see her again. Convinced that my time with her was over, that I had missed my last chance to be with her and I would spend the rest of eternity on my own. It didn't stop me automatically searching for her anyway. Each time I saw a brunette, I would check. Just in case.

A familiar scent teased my nostrils, the faintest smell of freesias and strawberries. For a minute, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me until I realized that this scent wasn't just a memory, it was real. My head snapped up and I followed the teasing scent to the Swan girl who had just entered the room, her head bent and her hair falling in front of her face, hiding from me again. Then, as if she could feel my burning gaze, her head lifted and I was gazing straight into her deep, brown, soulful eyes.

She started when she saw me looking at her and her mouth dropped open for a brief second and then clamped shut. She did not take her eyes from mine. I learned that she liked to be called Bella from listening to the chatter of everyone around me and the name suited her. She was beautiful. What surprised me, because I never expected it, was that I knew her. It was HER.

An enormous feeling of relief enveloped me and I felt a huge weight lift from my chest. I had been almost positive that I would never see her again, it had been so long. But here she was across the room from me and I could not take my eyes from hers.

I remembered so well her long, strawberry-scented, dark wavy hair, her deep, dark chocolate brown eyes, her pale heart shaped face and the scent of her blood. I will never forget her scent, that mixture of her freesia flavoured blood and her strawberry scented hair. It was intoxicating. My long dead heart thudded in my chest. _Mine_!

I almost stood up and walked over to her, my need to touch her again was so strong. It had been so long. I was hers and she was mine and that was how it had always been.

I wanted her like no other. I always had. There had been no one else for me my entire existence. No one had ever come close. My family had never known about her. I had never told them. They had pushed me more than once to find someone over the years but I resisted easily, always with the faint hope that I would find her again and she would be mine for all eternity. Then I would tell them.

Bella was still staring at me as she walked further into the room, a faint pink blush now staining her cheeks. It felt like time was suspended. I followed the trail of pink as it spread further and disappeared under her shirt. Over the noise of the chattering students, I heard her sharp intake of breath which led my eyes straight to her mouth. Those petal soft lips, the lower caught between her teeth. I remembered the feel of those lips against mine as if it were yesterday.

I felt impatient to taste them again, to run my tongue along the seam between the two, to delve between and lose myself inside of her. I groaned softly, the heat of my desire for her rising quickly. What was she thinking about right now? The heat of her gaze bore into me and her eyes darkened fractionally. Did she remember? I wondered if she would recognize me or would I have to woo her all over again? Wait. Focus. I could find out easily enough, I concentrated to find out what was she thinking about? I could hear nothing!

For the first time since she walked into the room, I started to feel apprehensive. Her mind was a closed book to me. I concentrated harder and although I could hear her breathing from where I sat, I could not hear a single stray thought from her. I was not used to being so not in control of a situation, not used to not knowing the next step of each and every person around me. Panic started to rise in me. I needed to know what she was thinking. I was feeling out of my depth. I relied so heavily on my ability to read everyone's mind that I had no idea what to do without that skill. I couldn't fuck this up; what if this was my last chance with her? I needed all the help I could get. Not a minute had passed since she had first entered the room but it now felt like forever. Maybe if I was closer, I could hear her? I started to lean forward in my chair.

Bella walked past the fan at the front of the class and all hell broke loose. As soon as another waft of Bella's scent reached me, I inhaled deeply and then immediately panicked more. This was all wrong. This is not how it was meant to be. The fan had sent a more concentrated wave of her straight to me. The smell of her blood was unexpectedly overwhelming, my throat burned with the need to consume it, all of it right now and the bottom dropped out of my world. I knew then, at that precise moment, that what I merely suspected before was actually true.


	2. Chapter 2 Retribution

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Warning****: This chapter contains a lemon, lots of angsty stuff and a depiction of a violent assault. Nothing like getting right into it in Chapter 2!**

**This story is rated NC-17 so please do not read if you are under 18 or this chapter if you are sensitive to scenes of a violent nature. Not gratuitous but essential to the plot.**

**When reading this chapter remember that Isabella is the Italian derivative of Elizabeth….. just in case you were wondering.**

**A huge thank you to my beta – Beans827 – she picks up my plot holes and makes me work hard to write a better chapter.**

**There is now a thread for this story over on here, so come and chat: .?f=33&t=7466**

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**Chapter 2 – Retribution**

_When a sighing begins_

_In the violins_

_Of the Autumn-song,_

_My heart is drowned_

_In the slow sound_

_Languorous and long._

_Pale as with pain,_

_Breath fails me when_

_The hours toll deep._

_My thoughts recover_

_The days that are over_

_And I weep._

_And I go_

_Where the winds know,_

_Broken and brief,_

_To and fro,_

_As the wind blows_

_A dead leaf._

_(Paul Verlaine, "Autumn Song", translation of Chanson d'Automne)_

From Chapter 1 -

Bella walked past the fan at the front of the class and all hell broke loose. As soon as another waft of Bella's scent reached me I inhaled deeply and then immediately panicked more. This was all wrong. This is not how it was meant to be. The fan had sent a more concentrated wave of her straight to me. The smell of her blood was unexpectedly overwhelming, my throat burned with the need to consume it, all of it right now and the bottom dropped out of my world. I knew then, at that precise moment, that what I merely suspected before was actually true.

**Forks, Washington – January 2005**

**EPOV**

I had felt for a long time that God must be punishing me for what I had become, because I no longer had a soul and I was essentially a monster. I had hoped that I was wrong. I had hoped that events over the years had just been coincidences. Now, in this very moment, I was positive they were not. I was being punished and he had just ratcheted up the intensity of that punishment. It was excruciating. I never wanted to leave this world more than I did at that moment.

I was very much afraid that I would not be strong enough to resist the temptation placed before me and if I did not resist what every vampire instinct I ever possessed demanded I do; then I would never have been more of a monster. The intoxicating scent of the woman I had loved my whole existence was now the source of my destruction.

Where, just moments before, I had been excited to be near her, now I just wanted to get as far away from her as I possibly could, so that I could retain what little shred of humanity I still possessed. The tiny feeling of hope that I had clung to for years, that just maybe Carlisle was right and that we did, in fact, have souls, was crushed in that second.

I was renowned for my suffering and angst even though my family tried to show me that there could be love and happiness in our world. I constantly questioned our very existence and whether we had a right to be there or in hell, whether we were monsters, evil aberrations or whether we deserved to live and be happy? I knew now that I was a monster. No question at all about that in my mind any longer.

I debated leaving the room immediately but that would involve me walking past Bella. In the small room, I could not avoid touching her as I passed by her. The small shred of self control I was holding on to would not survive that and neither would she. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that one touch of her skin against mine and I would have no control.

I could picture it in my head. I would leave my seat, walk down the aisle and move sideways to slip past her. The skin on my arm would brush hers. I could feel the hair on my arms lifting and tingling in anticipation of the contact with hers. I would turn as I passed her and lift her against me, my arms wrapped tightly around her.

In seconds, I would feel the soft tender skin of her throat against my teeth and then the warm pulse of her blood as it passed my lips. I would draw it into me in deep gulps and let it flow over my burning throat. I knew that if I started, I would not be able to stop. I would kill her. Then, I would have to kill everyone in this room. I screamed like a madman inside at the thought.

I looked up, hoping I could leave now. If she sat down on the other side of the room, I could get out of the class without being too near her. What I saw instead, paralysed me. She was walking straight towards me. _Was she crazy?_ Did she have a death wish? I cursed under my breath. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ I am an idiot; the only spare seat in the room is NEXT TO ME! She came closer and I glared at her. _Go away! Leave_!

My mental prompts did not deter her; she kept on coming until finally she rounded the corner of my table and sat down. I dug my feet into the floor and scooted my chair over as close to the window as possible. She looked at me then, anxious and uncertain and then turned away and looked down. _Don't move. Don't move. Don't move_. I chanted in my head. I was frantic. If she touched me, brushed against me even, she would be dead in seconds.

I held my breath; my lips in a thin line so that not even a little taste wafted past them. My fingers gripped the underside of the lab table and I dug huge grooves into the wood with the force I emitted to not leave my chair, to not touch her, to not drink of her and most of all to not kill her. _I CAN DO THIS_. I do not want to be that monster.

The next hour was torturous. I could not take my eyes off her. I wanted her, I hated her, and I yearned for her.

Once I had a little control over my bloodlust for her, I started to notice other things about her. I noticed the soft skin of her arms, the pink rosebud lips, the pert breasts straining against her shirt. I closed my eyes. I missed her. It had been a long time. Lust and love for her overtook me. Now, all I could think about was taking her, and making her mine once again.

I thought about following her after class, slipping my hand in hers, finding one of the storerooms that Rosalie and Emmett retreated into frequently, and entering her against the door, her legs wrapped tightly around me.

My jeans tightened uncomfortably with the direction my thoughts were taking. Stop! I can't afford to lose focus. I can't afford to let my guard down now. I need to stay in control or my reason for living will end with the first touch of my teeth against her throat. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate, but that was worse. Her alluring scent seemed stronger with my eyes closed and I longed to touch her.

My thoughts inescapably drifted back to my daydream in the storeroom. I had just pulled Bella through the door and closed it behind her. It was dark but with my keen eyesight I could see every detail of her beautiful face.

"Bella," I whispered into her hair before I slid my tongue around the shell of her ear, groaning with pleasure from the remembered taste of her skin. I felt her small body quivering and drew her fully against me. I recalled clearly every one of Bella's features, so new but yet so familiar. Her breasts pushed up against my t-shirt, and begged me to skim my fingers under the hem of her shirt and higher, brushing teasingly over her hardened nipples. I wasn't able to resist tasting her, so I lifted her shirt and licked the exposed white skin above the lace of her bra cup and then gently took the peak into my mouth and sucked it gently through the lace.

Bella was whimpering incoherently each time I pulled her nipple into my mouth and suckled her. The sound undid me and I flicked open the clasp at her back and her breasts escaped from her bra into my hands. I ravenously laved one nipple with my tongue while, with one hand, I gently tugged on the other.

My free hand slid lower and rubbed down the seam of her jeans and Bella groaned softly into my ear. She was so wet for me and I could wait no longer. I quickly unzipped her jeans and removed them completely. I turned us then so that Bella's back was against the door. My member sprang free as I unbuttoned my jeans and I ached to be inside her. My hands slid around to the pale globes of her ass, caressing them reverently before lifting her, angling her hips forward then lowering her until the tip of my hard cock slid past her warm wet lips and into heaven.

I think I must have made a noise then because I sensed Bella turning towards me. I snapped out of my reverie and opened my eyes. Whatever Bella saw in them made her gasp and turn quickly back to the front. When she moved, her hair flipped over her shoulder and more of her scent reached me. My fantasy came back full force then, I saw myself reach a powerful climax and simultaneously bite down on her neck.

The bell rang, and before a fraction of a second had passed, I jumped back from the table, veered around her and as fast as humanly possible, although probably faster than I should have, I left the room.

I had no thoughts of anyone or anything but to get as far away as possible, away from her sweet temptation. What the hell was I going to do?

I ran into the forest adjoining the school and kept running until the grief overtook me. I sunk to my knees on the forest floor and moaned out loud in despair. I had not consumed a drop of human blood since 1931; not craved it once until now. Why now and why her? Was this some kind of cosmic joke? She had been taken from me cruelly over and over, but I had still retained the hope that the next time I saw her, we would be together forever. I had needed to believe that, to continue on year after endless year, waiting…for her.

As far as I was concerned she was my life and I decided then and there that I would rather end my own, than be the one responsible for ending hers.

I don't know how long I knelt on the ground, my head in my hands, overwhelmed with the pain of what had just happened. It could have been days or even weeks. I do not know. I did not move, I couldn't move. I felt paralysed by the events that had unfolded. The despair that I had felt before was nothing to what consumed me now. The smell of her blood lingered in my nostrils and brought forth cravings the like I have never felt.

Her blood was the greatest lure for the hunter within me that I had ever faced. I did not know if I could control myself; stop myself from seeking her out. I would have to leave. Now! The temptation was proving too great. I needed to say goodbye to my family. I could not stay here. I did not know how I would face Carlisle and tell him of my fall from grace. It didn't matter that I hadn't done anything. It was the fact that I had wanted to, desperately. I felt so ashamed.

Carlisle, more than anyone else, knew I struggled daily with the guilt I still carried decades later for the years I had spent away from him being the monster I felt I truly was. Those years when I knew the taste of human blood and the satisfaction and satiation I had felt when the warm fragrant viscous fluid slid down my throat and finally quenched the unnatural thirst which rarely ever left me.

Thoughts of Bella, the scent of freesia entwined with the remembered taste of human blood and suddenly the familiar blackness descended and my mind slipped back to 1931 and the last time I had fallen to the lure of human blood.

**Chicago 1931**

I unexpectedly found myself on a self-destructive path 5 years ago. I hadn't left Carlisle and Esme in 1927 with the purpose of becoming a monster in mind, nor to stay away from them for so long. In fact, the very opposite was true.

I had returned to Chicago, without Carlisle's knowledge, in the hope of finding myself, of finding my humanity after being a vampire for 9 years. Instead, I found so much more. I found my Elizabeth, my love. And then she was gone. Taken from me, cruelly and brutally, by the man I was still hunting. The man who would pay dearly for what he had done to me and mine.

When I failed to quickly find him and punish him, I expanded the plan. I decided that the world would be better off without the scum who would continue to impart terror on the innocents who crossed their paths if I didn't take action. They were evil incarnate and I had set myself up as judge, jury and executioner and carried out their sentences with silent and deadly precision.

I justified my actions to myself by only preying on the human filth that had killed and committed other atrocities against their fellow man and had escaped the justice system.

My self-appointed role as executioner to the damned ceased as suddenly as it had started when the thoughts of my soon-to-be prey stopped me in my tracks. It was just seconds before I would have sunk my sharp teeth into her neck and delivered my own brand of justice.

I had chosen this woman as deserving of my lethal talents while sitting in a little run down bar in the depths of Chicago. I hadn't come out tonight to hunt, I had just planned to blend into the darkness of the club and let my troubled thoughts be soothed by the sound of jazz. I loved jazz.

I had not long sat down in a booth at the back, and was nursing a scotch to give the illusion of fitting in, when her thoughts intruded. They were wild, swinging from one thought to another. She was small and dainty sitting up at the bar, facing away from me, and knocking back drink after drink until she placed the last glass upside down on the bar. She staggered off the stool and made her way haphazardly between the tables towards the door. I couldn't see her face, but it didn't matter to me. The crime she had gone unpunished for was all that mattered.

I slipped silently behind her, drawn to follow her by one of the random flashes I had seen flitting through her mind. This woman had killed before. The image taking shape from her jumbled thoughts was of a dark night, a heavily wooded landscape and the looming shape of a man coming out of the darkness. The man had been striding along humming under his breath until he saw my prey step out of the woods; he then looked up but I could not see his face as the moonlight was blocked by a cloud in her memories. My vision turned red as if I was looking at the image through a haze of bloody mist, a strangled scream ripped through the air and the face of the man was blown to shreds by the blast of a shotgun. The shotgun was held in the small white hands of the woman who was now shuffling along in front of me.

I gained quickly on my quarry, waited until we had cleared the busy thoroughfare and moments after she had turned into a quiet empty alleyway, I made my move. I swept her up in my arms as I ran past and pressed her body into the side of the building barely discernable in the shadows. The air slammed out of her lungs and into my face. I heard the sound of an indrawn breath as my face drew closer to her until my red stained eyes were inches from her own staring back at me in shock.

I gathered myself and said the words I used to pass judgement on these vile creatures, "You have been weighed in the scales and found wanting."

When I first started on my journey of retribution I had just swooped in, drank until there was no more and walked away. It had started to bother me though that this filth did not know why their lives were ending. I wanted them to know that they were being punished for their vile actions. That what they had done had consequences. How fitting, I had thought when it came to me one night, a quote about retribution, from the Old Testament of the Bible, to send these monsters on their way to hell.

I bared my teeth then to let her know what her fate would be at the hands of a true monster. I whispered against her ear the final words, "You have murdered a man and it is time to pay for your actions."

Very slowly, I bent my head closing in on the pulsing blue vein standing out in her neck, seconds away from breaking the fragile skin of her throat and pulling the warm sweet red nectar into my body.

Over the pounding of her heart, I barely heard her whispered reply to me, "I knew God would send you, beautiful angel, for doubting him and his plans for me, for taking retribution for the death of my sweet sister into my own hands. I have blood on my hands and I am ready to die for my sins".

She closed her eyes and smiled. She shivered and my icy lips abruptly pulled back from her delicate neck and I froze in place when her thoughts of a beautiful woman with a lovely heart shaped face, long dark hair and soft brown eyes laughed up at me from her mind.

I reared back from her as if slapped, dropping her onto the ground and stumbling to my knees in front of her as if singed by the fires of hell myself. Maybe I had been. _What did she just say!!!_ Her thoughts echoed around in my head.

The next image to cross her mind was again of the beautiful woman in her mid-20's, laughing merrily at the woman in front of me. Her silvery voice ensnared me when she chortled and called out "Marie, come dance with me. Let's just have fun." She started singing and my heart stopped. I knew her. I knew her well, this beautiful brown haired woman. It was Elizabeth and I loved her.

Who was this woman before me then? This murderer who had known my love? I looked at her face for the first time clearly and she did look familiar. Marie, she called her. It came to me then, her younger sister. Time, guilt and the demon drink had taken their toll on her face. She had aged before her time.

The happy memory faded from her mind and was replaced by a dim image of the forest floor covered in blood flowing from between Elizabeth's scratched and bruised legs, held open at an obscene angle by a great brute of a man. If I could have, I would have retched at the vision, my stomach turning over at the sight.

I had not been there. I had not been there to protect her, to save her. It had been my fault. I had been hunting and not there to protect her.

In Marie's thoughts, Elizabeth's pale blue dress was ripped and torn but still draped partly around her. I could see one perfect breast poking through the shredded material covered in bite marks, the blood slowly oozing down in little rivulets to stain the material still in place on her stomach. I clenched my fists, trying to contain the fury I felt at seeing Elizabeth in such pain.

Marie's memories forced themselves to be heard again over the buzzing in my head. I heard screaming and thought at first it was from Elizabeth but her mouth was closed tight. I shivered then at the image of her face. So still and quiet, her eyes open and staring listlessly into the canopy of branches above as if she was apart from what was happening to her down below.

The screaming was from Marie who was now pummelling the man hunched over Elizabeth. She was screaming for him to stop. The man turned at that moment and I reeled. Here was the man who had started me on this course of retribution. The man I had failed to make pay, for taking the love of my life from me. It was the man that Marie had murdered. And he was smirking.

He brought one arm up and I could see his fat fingers clench into a fist just before he hit her and Marie's mind went blank for a second before switching again to another picture of my beloved Elizabeth. Dead: lying so peacefully in a satin shrouded coffin. Next, Marie was in front of Elizabeth's grave and vowed then and there to her that she would avenge her.

This brave woman had done what I had not. She had found that monster and made him pay for Elizabeth's death. It was over. A rush of gratitude for what she had done swept through me. I found myself reaching out to Marie to comfort her. My arms tenderly lifted her into my lap and my hands started stroking her back.

I was rocking back and forth softly humming to Marie, when it hit me. She was gone, truly gone and nothing I could do would ever bring her back. Not even the death of her murderer. The agony of that realization radiated through me in waves. I felt such pain overwhelm me at the knowledge that I would never see my beautiful Elizabeth, my Liz, again. I felt like crying even though I knew I could not. I gulped in the air around me even though I did not need it, my chest heaved and shudders racked my body.


	3. Chapter 3 Remorse

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**More warnings****: This story is rated M and there is another violent scene in this chapter, some more angst (by Edward of course) and a really sweet scene too**

**Please do not read if you are under 18 or this chapter if you are sensitive to scenes of a violent nature. Not gratuitous but essential to the plot.**

**A huge thank you to my beta – Beans827 – she picks up my plot holes and makes me work hard to write a better chapter.**

**There is now a thread for this story over on , so come and chat: .?f=33&t=7466**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Remorse**

_Oh sad, sad forever my soul_

_Because, because of a girl_

_How can my soul ever be assuaged?_

_Though my heart is disengaged?_

_Though my heart, though my soul_

_Are far away from that girl_

_How can my soul be ever assuaged?_

_Though my heart is disengaged?_

_And heart, over-sensitive heart_

_Says to my soul, by what art,_

_By what art has it captured me?_

_This proud exile, this misery?_

_My soul says to my heart: do I?_

_Know myself what trapped us, or why_

_Though exiled, we are here today,_

_Though long ago we went away?_

(Paul Verlaine, "Oh Sad, Sad…" English translation from Romances sans Paroles: Arriettes Oubliées VII )

_From Chapter 2 -_

_I was rocking back and forth softly humming to Marie, when it hit me. She was gone, truly gone and nothing I could do would ever bring her back. Not even the death of her murderer. The agony of that realization radiated through me in waves. I felt such pain overwhelm me at the knowledge that I would never see my beautiful Elizabeth, my Liz, again. I felt like crying even though I knew I could not. I gulped in the air around me even though I did not need it, my chest heaved and shudders racked my body_.

**Chicago 1931**

**EPOV**

Caught up in my grief, I was barely aware of my surroundings until I felt the soft touch of Marie's palm stroking my jaw, and then her lips gently kissing the side of my mouth. I pulled back from her in dismay. I had only ever been kissed by one woman before and she had been dead for 5 very long years.

I was only 17 when I had been turned in 1918 and had grown up in an era which was considered very prudish compared to today's standards. In 1927 when I returned to Chicago for the first time after being changed, and met Elizabeth in the forest, I behaved like a perfect gentleman. Outwardly at least!

Other than kissing her lips, I had only ever had the chance to hold Liz's hand when we were walking or her waist when we were dancing. However, there was that one day in the clearing. I remember laying my head in her lap while she leaned against the tree and read to me. The underside of her breasts, enclosed in pale yellow cotton, dangled tantalizing above me and I smelled the heat of her arousal, so close that if I turned my head an inch, I could have kissed her there through the thin material of her dress. My body had reacted strongly to her many temptations and I raised my knee slightly and tilted it over the other to hide the evidence of my embarrassment from her eyes.

That day had certainly tested my gentlemanly resolve. I wish now that I had acted on those feelings and made her mine, completely. We were together for what seemed like only a moment longer before she was taken from me and I had lost my chance for happiness forever.

Marie's hands reached out to touch my face and she looked at me quizzically, stroking her fingers through my unkempt bronze hair. Her mind was feeling the effects of the alcohol she had imbibed earlier and her vision was blurring. My distorted face filled Marie's mind and she kept saying, "Beautiful angel, so beautiful," over and over. Her next words caused me to freeze, becoming uncomfortably aware that her body was separated from mine by only a few thin layers of cotton.

"Let me love you before you take me to hell," was what she said to me moments before her lips came crashing down on mine.

I had been distracted by my thoughts of Elizabeth and had no chance to draw back before her mouth grazed my razor sharp teeth. They, inadvertently, slashed her lower lip open and her hot, spicy blood spilled into my mouth. I reared back in shock and surprise at the sudden thirst that burned my throat.

The taste of her blood pooling in my mouth sent me over the edge. Any illusions I had that I was in control of my thirst for human blood were gone. My animal instincts took over and I leaned into her, pressing my tongue flat against the pulsing vein in her throat moments before opening my jaws wide, and without thinking, I bit down. Her blood flowed down my throat as my hand clamped almost involuntarily around her waist, drawing her struggling form closer to me. I held her still as her heartbeat gradually slowed and then stopped. I drained the last drop of her blood from her veins and the life left her body.

I sat there for hours, completely stunned at what had just happened, still cradling Marie's lifeless body against mine. Disgust filled me for what I had done. Shame crept in at my weakness for human blood and despair that I had as good as murdered someone that I knew, someone who was important to the love of my life. Someone who was the least deserving of the fate I had just dealt her.

I thought back on all that I had done over the last 5 years in the so-called name of justice, in my search for revenge. How many of the humans had I killed that had a good reason for what they had done? How many had been in my situation and had taken an eye for an eye for what had been done to them and not killed in cold blood? Had I been blindly justifying my need for human blood behind a façade?

I was suddenly appalled that I had dared to think I should be the one to hand out justice. I was not God. I had no right to decide who lived or died. How could I judge them when I was possibly more evil than many that I had killed? My righteousness mocked me. I had no soul and if anybody deserved to go to hell, it was the monster that I had become.

I finally stood up, still carrying Marie's lifeless body. I didn't want to leave her there in that dark alley but as I walked back down the street I realized I didn't know what I should do, so I just kept walking. I was thankful that the streets were empty in the bleak time just before the dawn. I reached the woods on the outskirts of town and made the decision then that I would leave her in the woods near her home. I wasn't sure if she still lived at home but I did not know where else to take her.

I found a spot at the edge of the clearing and laid Marie gently on the soft grass. With the gash on her lip and the wound in her neck it looked like she had been attacked and killed by an animal. She had been. I did not want her left alone for long and hoped that she would soon be found. I felt bowed by the anguish I knew her parents would face. Both of their daughters now dead by animals, only one of which was of the human variety.

I felt physically ill when I realized that I still had a little of Marie's blood on my lips and chin. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and stared at the stain it left there.

Reeling, I staggered up from the ground and wandered aimlessly, dazed by the life changing events of the last hours. I felt suffocated with the overpowering feelings of guilt and shame and disgust for my actions. I paid no attention to where I was going, not really caring at that point.

My feet had led me forward until I realized I was standing outside Elizabeth's family home in the early pre-dawn light. I stood as still as a statue, just staring at the house for a while, undecided about what I should do next. I had not been here for 5 years and I knew that she was not there, but the draw to be near Elizabeth was so strong at that moment. I finally let myself in the unlocked door and slipped silently up the stairs to her room.

Her room had not been changed since I had been there last. Nothing of hers had been moved. It was like a shrine to her memory and I could smell her very essence. I looked around the room confused, and then spied the small vase of freesias on the dresser. They were fresh, I think just picked and placed there yesterday by her loving mother. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, my eyes burning with the venom that filled them.

I walked over to her wrought iron canopy bed, trying in vain not to remember the last time I saw her lying on the covers, her eyes vacant and staring sightlessly through me. I had returned from hunting late that fateful night to find her lying on the bed, her dress torn and bloody. I could hear wailing from the room downstairs but it could not drown out the silence in this room. I was too late. Her precious heartbeat was no more.

My chest felt tight, like a band was pressing in on me, as if I couldn't breathe. I took deep breaths trying to relieve the pressure and swayed in agony at the deluge of memories that overpowered me.

I had purposely pushed all the happy times with her out of my mind for years, replaying my last sight of her over and over in my mind, to function, in order to survive and to seek retribution for her death. If I had not had that drive to avenge her, I know that I would have found any way possible to end my life, as I knew that I could not live without her.

I had failed her. I had not found him, I had spent the last five years searching for him in vain and taking my anger and vengeance out on others instead. While I was searching for him, he had been dead for 3 years and by her little sister's hand. She had succeeded where I had not and it had changed her. Poor Marie, the sweet laughing girl I remembered had suffered greatly for her actions and my inaction. Her entire life had been tainted by the events of that one autumn evening as had mine and Elizabeth's.

I did not know what I was supposed to do anymore. My reason for existing was no longer. Elizabeth, my dearest and only love was dead and her murder avenged. That was all I had been waiting for these five years and had thought to end my life when that was achieved. I had been sure that I could not go on without her, my life meaningless.

Now when it was time to take that step, I was hesitating. I knew that if I somehow managed to end my existence, I would not be with my Lizzy. She had been so good and pure. She had filled me with light and happiness. Her place in heaven was as assured as was my place in hell. I ached for her. Either way, as far as I could see, I would be without her.

I dropped to the floor soundlessly and leaned back against the side of her bed, the back of my head resting against the top of her lilac bedcover. It was so quiet in the room without the beautiful beat of her heart permeating the room. I closed my eyes, taking in the scent of freesias and letting my mind wander back to a happier time.

I remember sitting just like this, late one night, with her parents asleep in the room down the hall. Earlier in the evening when Elizabeth and I had parted ways at the end of the drive, she had convinced me to come to her room when her parents were sleeping. She told me that she could not bear to be parted from me for an entire evening and the thought of being somewhere that didn't involve sitting on the hard cold ground of the clearing would be heaven. She had also promised to behave in her most serious tone, and then added facetiously that my virtue would be safe with her before turning and darting up the drive to her house.

Having never been invited to a woman's bedroom before, I had nervously crept up the stairs to her room when I heard the loud snoring from her father and the steady breathing of her mother. Lizzy had been lying across her bed on her stomach, facing the door, waiting for me.

Her dark brown hair was plaited ready for bed and the long plaits hung over her shoulder and contrasted sharply with her white lawn nightgown with intricate lace detailing at her throat and wrists. Her lower legs were bare where the nightgown had hitched up when she had raised them at the knee and crossed them behind her. The pale white skin of her legs and the soft skin on the underside of her feet, which were swinging idly back and forth, mesmerised me. I stood in the doorway for a few moments, just looking at her, committing every beautiful feature to memory. I thought she was perfect.

She beckoned me to her as soon as she saw me at the door, a brilliant smile lighting her face. I couldn't help but smile back at her with what I am sure was a dopey grin on my face. I moved into the room and closed the door quietly behind me before leaning down to kiss her forehead lightly, my lips barely skimming across her skin. She hummed with pleasure at the feel of my cool lips against her warm skin and pulled me down on the floor in front of her.

"Read to me, love," I said as I leaned my head against the side of the bed below her and closed my eyes. I remember feeling completely content in those moments as she ran her fingers through my hair and read to me in a soft melodic voice from her favourite book, Persuasion by Jane Austen. She told me that night that the story reminded her of us and that we would always find each other if we were ever separated just like the lovers in the book.

We had whispered long into the night of our dreams and hopes for our lives together. I was in awe of her, this beautiful woman. She loved me completely, as I loved her. I could deny her nothing, not even her wish to become like me. I had struggled with her request of course, but she reminded me that she was already too old for me and refused to listen to my pleas to retain her humanity. In the end I gave my agreement with the sole proviso that Carlisle be the one to change her and only after we were married.

Sitting there on the floor looking up at her, with her hands in mine and her eyes shining at me, I finally believed Carlisle. I must have a soul or how else would God have granted me Elizabeth to love and cherish. My life stretched before me now with hope and happiness with the woman I loved by my side.

Sadly, fate had not been finished with us and those dreams had turned to nightmares soon after.

I stayed there beside her bed for over an hour while images of her and of us together played across my mind. How I loved her. How I missed her.

I heard a faint murmur from her parent's room down the hall and reluctantly stood up to leave. I was almost to the window, when I had the urge to take something of hers to keep with me always and I turned back to face the room. My eyes immediately fell to the familiar book on her nightstand, well thumbed as if she had read it a hundred times. I walked over to it and lovingly ran my fingertips over the cover of the book, tracing out the title, Persuasion. I picked it up quickly and slipped it into my pocket as I heard the door open down the hall. In moments, I had exited the room through the window and was running through the woods.

I had left town to hunt her murderer as soon as she had died, so I had not been to where she had been buried. I felt compelled to be with her for a while at her final resting place. On my way, I searched the gardens for the flowers I wanted, freesias for Liz and pink roses for my mother and blue hydrangea for my father. Once I found what I wanted, I made my way to the cemetery on the edge of town.

I found my parents gravestones first and gently placed the flowers before them. I wished fervently that I could remember them better but my memories of them were dim as is normal when a human is changed. I said my goodbyes and turned to go when I froze, staring in shock at the sight before me. Next to my parents was a small headstone with my name on it. How bizarre!

I knew I was technically dead and I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I had been so close to death when Carlisle changed me that I had been recorded as having died. Who was in the ground though? How was this possible? I stood, staring at my name right there engraved on the stone, I shuddered and moved away.

I searched the rest of that row and then turned to start the search on the opposite side from where my parents had been laid to rest. About half way down and almost directly opposite mine was the gravestone I was looking for.

_Rest in Peace_

_Elizabeth Swanson_

_Beloved Daughter_

_1902-1927_

"_Forever in our hearts"_

I squatted in front of the headstone, placed the freesias there and then lifted the fingers of one hand to trace over her name. I brought my fingers back to my mouth, kissed the tips of them softly and returned them to press against her name again. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine my smiling Elizabeth holding out her hand to Marie and drawing her towards a bright light. A light that I knew I would never know myself.

I remembered the book in my pocket. I removed it and starting flicking through the pages until I found Elizabeth's favourite passage. I sat down cross legged and started to read it to her. Out loud. I felt close to her then and as the sun rose in the sky, I felt warmed by the rays as she had warmed me.

I turned a page after a while and saw a small square of white paper tucked into the binding of the book. I took it from the page and carefully opened it. My fingers gently traced the ink on the page that she had placed there and my heart lurched as I read the words.

26 September 1927

My darling Edward,

When everything around me was dark, you found me again and returned the light to my life.

Tomorrow, we will start our new life together. I am not afraid, for in the end our hearts and souls will be entwined for eternity.

Yours forever,

Lizzy

The note had been written on the day that she had been attacked and I had lost her forever. It was a harsh reminder of the fickleness of fate. One more day, we would have been gone from Chicago, and he would not have been able to hurt her. She would have been forever out of his reach.

It was my fault she was there alone. I had not hunted for a while as I had not wanted to leave her even for a night. It was the night before we were to leave Chicago together and join Carlisle and Esme. I had not wanted to risk her being close to me when I needed to hunt on our trip as the animal in me took over when I hunted and I was afraid I might hurt her. I had gone on my own that night so that she would be safe. Yes, it is ironic.

The sun was getting higher in the sky and I knew that I had to move before I was seen. I walked slowly into the woods bordering the cemetery and found a place from which I could see her final resting place. I slid down against the bark of the tree, resting my head against my knees. I sat there for weeks, not moving, not even really thinking, my mind completely shut down. I merely existed. Too much had happened, things I had not foreseen and I was simply overwhelmed.

The first thought I had at the end of those weeks was of her letter and of her belief that our souls would always find each other. Because of all that we had been through, she had told me once that she honestly believed that we could overcome anything, even death, to be together. Could it be true? I was sceptical. I had survived death in a way, but only because I was changed into a vampire before my end had come. Elizabeth was truly gone though. She had breathed her last breath and her heart had beaten its last before I found her.

Carlisle believed we still had souls and that we could live our lives as we chose and not be ruled by our vampiric desires. Was there any way that I could atone for my sins and be with her again? If I couldn't be with her on this earth, maybe one day, after I had earned the right, I could join her in the afterlife. If anybody could, Carlisle would help me find a way.

My heart suddenly yearned to see him and Esme again. He was my family and I realized then that I loved him like a father. Not everyone had left me. It had been 5 years and I hoped they still loved me enough to forgive me for leaving them. I needed him, I needed them. I needed to be surrounded by his goodness and his belief that there was a place in this world for us. I stood and started to run home, home to Carlisle and Esme.

A week later, I was almost halfway up the long driveway of the home we had shared when I realized that they may no longer be there. Maybe they had moved on, thinking I had left for good. I wouldn't blame them. Five years is a long time when I had made no attempt to contact them at all. Not a letter or even a telegram had I thought to send them. All of my thoughts and energies had been consumed by my need for revenge. I had had no room for anything else.

I stopped for a brief moment, dreading this possibility. My fears were soon laid to rest when I heard Carlisle's thoughts from the house. The band that had tightened around my chest eased when I realized Carlisle was, right at that moment, thinking of me and wondering where I was and wishing I would come home. I smiled my crooked smile for the first time in years. Maybe it was going to be alright.

Just before I reached the front door, Carlisle and Esme saw me through the window. They bolted through the door and wrapped me tightly in their arms. Esme's arms wrapped around my waist, her head on my chest and Carlisle's arms wrapped around my shoulders. I breathed a sigh of relief and let them hold me for a while, something I had never really allowed them do before. I needed their comfort and their closeness like never before.

Esme just kept repeating, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, you're back and you are alright."

I was home and loved and these two people were my family now. Carlisle pulled back from me first and looked seriously into my face trying to gauge how I was.

I gave him a hesitant smile and his face brightened when he said, "Edward, I am so relieved and happy to see you back. We thought we had lost you forever. I have been so torn about what to do. We haven't wanted to leave this home in case you came back and we were gone. Esme and I had literally just decided that we were going to leave soon to find you anyway. We couldn't bear to be parted from you any longer."

Esme just gripped me tighter and in a stern voice muffled against my chest, said, "Edward Cullen, you are my son and I love you, but if you ever leave us like that again I will find you and you will be very sorry."

I chuckled and replied, "Esme, I can't promise that I will not need some time to myself again, but I do promise that I will always let you know where I am. I am so sorry that I worried you."

Carlisle had never in all of his three hundred years of existence succumbed to the lure of human blood and yet, he did not sit in judgement of my actions when we talked about my last 5 years. Instead, he forgave me and simply said, "We all make mistakes, son. We can become better people by taking those experiences and learning from them."

I needed to hear those words from him, but inwardly I took no real comfort from them. I told him of my actions in taking retribution out on those who I felt deserved it and I told him that I had stopped because I almost took the life of someone who had only done the same as I. I did not tell him about Elizabeth, how her soul and mine were as one. I did not tell him that she was the reason I started on the course I had and that she was the reason that I had stopped. I could tell no one of the shame I carried deep within me for the senseless death of Marie.

Instead, every day I would look for ways to be a better person, to find atonement and maybe one day, God would look kindly upon me and our souls would be together again.

**Forks, Washington – January 2005**

From that time until now, I had sought ways to atone for all of the evil I had done. God obviously did not think I had done enough. Neither did I.

I stood up and started to make my way towards our home to see Carlisle. I needed to see him before I left Forks for good. He was my rock and my anchor to this world. I had only taken a few steps when I heard the sound of crashing though the undergrowth to my right. Emmett was out hunting.

I could hear Emmett's angry thoughts reach me as soon as he spied me through the trees, "_What the hell, man? You left school in the middle of the day without us! What the hell were you thinking? Have you been sitting here alone in the middle of the fucking forest for 5 days? I can't believe I found you, did you know that you are over the fucking border? Esme is so fucking worried, Alice is frantic, she started seeing visions of blood, the Swan girl lying dead on the classroom floor and then she said you were leaving." _

He reached me then and took me down in a flying leap. I did nothing. I just lay there and stared at him. "_Fuck, Edward! You are freaking me out. What the hell is wrong with you?" _

I stood up then and started running back to Forks, back to the house. My steps determined. I could not speak; I could not open my mouth and say the words. I knew that if I did, screaming would issue forth and I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. Emmett followed and it was an hour later when I reached the front of the house. The rest of the family had gathered there, warned by Alice of my decision to return. They were waiting for me and by the looks on their faces it was as if someone had died. I think it was me.


	4. Chapter 4 Request

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you as always to my wonderful Beta, beans827, who makes my story look much better after she has checked it out and also for her avatar which gave me the inspiration for Angst-Boy!!!**

**Beans has also started a thread for this story over on the Alternate Universe Forum, come and chat: **

**.?f=33&t=7466**

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Request**

_Hope shines – as in a stable full of straw._

_Fear not the wasp drunk with his crazy flight!_

_Through some chink always, see, the moted light!_

_Propped on your hand, you dozed – But let me draw.  
_

_Cool water from the well for you, at least,_

_Poor soul! There drink! Then sleep. See, I remain,_

_And I will sing a slumberous refrain,_

_And you shall murmur like a child appeased.  
_

_Noon strikes. Approach not, Madam, pray or call…_

_He sleeps, Strange how a woman's light footfall_

_Re-echoes through the brains of grief-worn men!_

_Noon strikes. I bade them sprinkle in the room._

_Sleep on! Hope shines – a pebble in the gloom._

_- When shall the Autumn Rose re-blossom – when?_

_(Paul Verlaine, "Hope Shines", translation of L'espoir luit comme un brin de paille dans L'etable)_

From Chapter 3 -

_I stood up then and started running back to Forks, back to the house. My steps determined. I could not speak; I could not open my mouth and say the words. I knew that if I did, screaming would issue forth and I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. Emmett followed and it was an hour later when I reached the front of the house. The rest of the family had gathered there, warned by Alice of my decision to return. They were waiting for me and by the looks on their faces it was as if someone had died. I think it was me._

**Forks Washington, January 2005**

**EPOV**

I thought for sure that I would be inundated with voices wanting to know what had happened, complaints of my irresponsibility, hurt for my absence. Instead, the family watched me warily, their thoughts expressing concern for me. I could see my face reflected in all of their thoughts and even I was staggered by what I could see. My face was drawn, even paler than normal and reflected such anguish and pain. I stood still and stared at them. I did not know what to say to them.

What should I tell them? I had kept so much of my life from them all. I had not wanted to share the painful realities of my existence. It was in my nature to wallow in misery on the inside.

When I had returned to Carlisle and Esme in 1931, I had thought I had lost Elizabeth forever and it was too painful to talk about with anyone. As the years passed, I found it harder to bring up and ended up saying nothing.

I had almost told Carlisle about Elizabeth when I found out why he had turned Rosalie two years after my return to the fold. He knew that I was lonely and sad and had thought that she could possibly be my mate when he had found her near death. I had been angry with him for even thinking that Rosalie Hale could replace Liz in my heart.

When I realized his motives, I had almost blurted out then that Rosalie could never be my mate, as I had already found her and had lost her. But to what avail? Rosalie had already been turned and we all had to live with the consequences. No need to make Carlisle feel any worse than he already did. Thankfully, Rosalie had as little interest in being my mate as I did in her and soon after she found Emmett.

Should I blurt out now that I had kept something so earth-shattering, so fundamental to the person that I was, from them for over 70 years? That the reason I wanted nothing to do with Tanya or with anyone else for all these years was that I had found my soul mate a long time ago and that no one else would do? Should I confess that she was the real reason for all of the good deeds I had done, hoping to atone and earn the right to be with her once more? Should I tell them that this time she had been absent from my life for so long that I had almost stopped believing in her?

However, maybe even more important than all of that combined, should I now tell them that I wanted to kill the one person who meant everything to me? That I was leaving Forks for good? Now!

I felt a deep, all-encompassing pain reverberate around my chest at the thought of leaving, leaving Bella. My heart screamed no! Bella is everything! She is my reason for living, the reason for my continued existence. Was leaving, even to protect her, taking the easy way out? Was this a test? She had never given up on me. My soul mate had beaten death to be with me again. Would I fail her this time by leaving, ignoring all that we have meant to each other?

My brain reminded me: 4 days ago you almost ended her life! Me! Not a murderer, not a war, not a senseless accident. Me!

I don't think I am strong enough to lose her again. But yet, I don't think I am strong enough to protect her. I haven't been able to protect her before. She always dies.

I am not thinking clearly. It is no longer just me. Always before, I had been on my own when our souls were reunited, far away from my family. I had struggled through her senseless deaths on my own and then locked the pain and hurt so deep that I could not bear to share my pain with anyone. I was still not ready to share that pain with anybody.

No! I couldn't tell them. Esme, Carlisle and Alice would be hurt that I had kept so much of who I was a secret from them. Emmett and Rosalie probably wouldn't care that I had a secret life and Jasper would only be disappointed in me for hurting Alice.

Jasper had picked up on my feelings of uncertainty and guilt and was sending me waves of calm and serenity. I felt my shoulders relax slowly and gave him the merest smile in appreciation.

I looked over at them then, my family, and I knew that I didn't want to leave for any length of time again. They meant too much for me to leave them. Bella meant too much for me to leave her. I made the decision then.

She was my soul mate and I had to find a way to be with her. There was no other choice as I knew that this might be my last chance with her. I couldn't leave Bella. I couldn't leave my family. I needed them, as once I needed Carlisle, to help me find my way. My family would help me find a way to control the burning thirst for her blood, and they would help me to protect Bella.

I wasn't alone. I wasn't leaving Forks.

As soon as my decision to stay was made, Alice squealed with happiness and called out to me, "Edward, thank God, you're staying."

She launched herself off the steps and jumped straight into my arms, hugging me tightly.

She whispered into my ear so softly that even I could barely hear her, "You will be telling me later about the vision I just had of Bella Swan in your arms, and it didn't look like you were thinking of drinking her blood!"

My eyes darted to her knowing ones and I looked away completely embarrassed. Damn Alice and her visions! I put her down from me quickly and walked up to Carlisle.

"Carlisle, I need your help."

"Of course, Edward. Come into the house and we can discuss what has happened. Please let me know what I can do to help you."

Esme hugged me as I walked up to her with a sheepish look on my face and smoothed my hair back. I felt terribly guilty then for what I had put her through the last five days not knowing where I was. Since I had come back to her in 1931, she had been like a mother to me in every way and constantly worried about me.

"Forgive me, Esme, I broke my promise to you again and for that I am truly sorry."

"Sshh, Edward. You are here now and that it is all that matters."

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder and murmured, "I'm proud of you, son, no matter what has happened. The Swan girl is still alive. That is all you need be worried about."

I grimaced and felt remorse come over me, "I don't think you will be so proud after you hear what I have to say."

"Edward, I will always be proud of you and I will never feel differently about you, no matter what you tell us today."

I sincerely hoped so, as Carlisle's opinion mattered to me a great deal.

The family moved inside the house and like all family meetings, we congregated around the big table in the dining room. Everyone was waiting to hear what I had to say.

From their thoughts, I could tell that Alice had told them about her vision, of seeing Bella dead in the classroom – she must have got that vision when I was thinking about what I would do if I touched her walking out of the room. I didn't realize until then, how close I had come to acting on those thoughts; otherwise Alice would not have been able to foresee it. I looked around the table at each of their faces and listened to their thoughts before I started.

Emmett was impatient for me to start as he had just picked up a new Playstation game and was looking forward to playing it with Jasper and kicking his ass. He wasn't sure why I was being my usual angsty asshole self about my almost lapse, as he had fallen prey to human blood more than once himself. We had had to move before we were ready several times because of his loss of control.

Rosalie was also wondering what all the fuss was about over this stupid human girl. As far as she was concerned, I didn't kill her, so what was all the angst for? Typical Edward, she was thinking, trust him to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Esme and Carlisle sat side by side holding hands. They were worried about what the effects of what had almost happened would be for me. Both thought back to the times when I had taken off on my own without barely a word and fervently hoped that it was not about to happen again. Carlisle was encouraging me to open up as he felt that I would benefit from talking about the issues I had instead of disappearing. I felt guilty again realizing that I rarely opened up to anyone and was barely starting to now.

All that Alice could think about was her vision of Bella in my arms. I could see my face in her vision and I was looking intently down at Bella in my arms as she was staring back up at me. It wasn't the action so much that spoke of intimacy between us, but the look in our eyes. There was so much love and desire pooled in my eyes while looking at Bella that I gasped softly and my eyes flew to Alice's, pleading to keep that to herself. Alice nodded her head minutely and I breathed in a sigh of relief.

A stray thought crossed Jasper's mind then, which had him turning ruefully towards me. "_Sorry," _he added mentally sincethe thought I picked up was a thread of vindication that he was not the only one who had thoughts of killing students at school. I smiled crookedly at him letting him know that I had no hard feelings. It was true after all.

"Well, obviously Alice has told you about me almost killing Bella Swan in class on Monday?"

They all nodded and I took a deep breath, "I can't describe the feeling I had when she came into the room and stepped closer to me. The scent of her blood was so strong that I almost had no control over my actions. I was a split second away from killing her then and for the next hour while she sat next to me. I don't know how I was able to stop myself; my throat was burning like never before. I have never had this reaction to someone's blood before."

Alice sighed, "I am so glad you didn't kill her, Edward. She seems very nice and I have the feeling we are going to be friends."

I glared warningly at Alice and she grinned back at me.

"I wish it had been Lauren Mallory, and that you had not resisted the urge to kill her. That girl annoys me; she is a real piece of work. Nastiest girl on the planet, some of the things she says about us. It just might be worth having to move again if one of us lost control around her."

Emmett burst out laughing and the tension in the room dissipated slightly. "Good one Alice, if we all get a choice, can I choose Jessica Stanley? She has been driving me crazy ever since she got over her crush on Edward late last year. She is always checking out my butt and whispering to her friends that she'd like to hit that. Ugh."

Rosalie leaned over and whispered to Emmett, "I'll do it for you baby. No one looks at my monkey-man's butt, but me." Soon Rosalie and Emmett were nuzzling at the table, again.

I cleared my throat, anxious now to get this over and done with.

I continued, "I was ready to leave Forks because of the strength of these feelings. I don't know, even now, if I will be able to control myself around her. I don't want to kill her but the scent of her blood is like a drug to me."

Emmett piped up loudly then, "I know what you mean, Eddie."

I rolled my eyes at him, "For the last time Emmett, my name is Edward, not Eddie!"

"Whatever, Eddie. The Swan girl is your singer. Remember that woman, years ago, with the freshly washed sheets? One whiff of her blood and I was on her in a second and drained her dry before the sheet she was pegging up had fallen to the ground. Man, I had no control whatsoever."

Alice snorted and said, "Emmett, you have so little control over anything. One look from Rose and you are like putty in her hands."

Rose nodded smugly.

Emmet agreed ruefully and smirked, "Too true, Alice. I am a man of many passions. "

Emmet then leaned over to Rosalie and whispered in her ear. She actually blushed and unfortunately, I could see from his thoughts why. I shook my head to clear those thoughts from my brain.

Carlisle weighed in to the conversation then, "Edward, the control you showed in the classroom under those circumstances was extraordinary. You should not be ashamed of yourself. You were so very strong to resist your natural instincts."

"True, I did resist that time, but how can I continue over a sustained period of time? How will I continue to resist her blood, especially if she takes me by surprise coming around a corner in the hallway and accidently touches me?"

The consequences of my decision to stay weighed heavily on me. I hoped for Bella's sake that this was not a mistake. I hoped that I had not made the wrong decision by staying.

"Edward, that shouldn't happen. You can just be vigilant about listening to her thoughts and she shouldn't catch you by surprise. You should be able to avoid any close contact with her. You might have to transfer out of Biology though, because sitting next to her in such close proximity would be a disaster."

I ducked my head momentarily after hearing Jasper's plan for listening to Bella's thoughts to keep her safe. Oh shit! I hadn't told them that I couldn't hear a damn thing going on in her head.

"Ah, reading her mind would probably work in keeping the element of surprise to a minimum, except…" I paused and took deep breath, "…I can't."

"Can't what, Edward?" murmured Esme, looking confused.

I slowly looked around the room at each of them, wondering what the effects that this next bombshell would have on them.

"I can't read her mind at all. Not even a glimmer of her thoughts gets through to me. She is like a closed book, and I have no idea at all what's going on inside her head."

The family looked shocked, as well they should. There had never been anyone whose mind I could not read. Not in all the years since I had become a vampire.

Carlisle looked thoughtful at my words, "Interesting, first the blood that you can't resist and now she is the only person ever that you have not been able to see into their mind….." His voice trailed off, but his thoughts were anything but silent. He was intrigued in a medical sense that this girl could be so different from everyone else and have such a profound effect on me.

He continued thinking through all the options until he came to some decisions as to ways for me to get through this and not kill Bella. For each alternative, Alice would search the future to see what effect each idea would have on the situation. Time after time, she shook her head, looking at me so sadly, as each vision ended in Bella's bloody death at my hands.

Each time, I saw Bella's pale face devoid of blood staring up at me in death. I shuddered, reminded again of our past together. She couldn't die on me again. I couldn't stand it. I had just made the decision that I would have to leave her after all, when a new vision popped into Alice's mind. The vision was glorious, and it was of Bella looking up at me from within my arms and with such a look of love and devotion that I caught my breath at the sudden surge of complete and utter happiness that poured into me.

I had been distracted with Alice's visions and not paying attention to Carlisle's thought processes. What had been his idea that had brought on that vision?

"Carlisle, wait! What were your thoughts just a moment ago? Alice had a vision and it worked," I called out. The tone in my voice had the family looking up at me as if they had never seen me before. I looked closer into their minds and I realised why. My face was a picture of such joy that even I was shocked. This expression had not made an appearance on my face for many years. In fact, I wondered if they had ever seen it.

Jasper looked at me speculatively as he felt my emotions swing from despair to complete and utter joy in a split second. He was used to feeling despair and guilt from me but joy was a novelty and he was completely intrigued. He was going to have a little chat with Alice when they were alone. Mental note to self, talk to Alice alone very soon and get her to promise to keep quiet about her visions.

Carlisle sorted through his ideas in his mind again and suddenly the outcome I desperately wanted reappeared in Alice's mind.

"Stop, that's it!" I yelled out, excitedly.

Everyone swung their heads to gape at me in complete surprise. I could hear them mentally running through all they had seen in the last hour: Edward looking like someone he knew had died, Edward looking completely joyful, Edward yelling in excitement. Alice added an extra emotion that no-one else had seen: Edward in love!

Emmett summed up their thoughts at that moment as no one else could. "Who are you and what have you done with our brother, Edward, aka Angst-Boy?"

His comment caused everyone to laugh and I raised one eyebrow at the thought he just sent me. It was of me in a Superman costume with a picture of a sad smiley face on the chest instead of the well-known S. He proceeded to tell everyone what he had done and Jasper clapped him on the back and chuckled.

My face started to turn thunderous as the amusement at my expense kept the family occupied for a few more minutes. Emmett kept chanting in his head about me having a crush on a human girl over and over.

Carlisle looked at me then, and taking pity on me, announced, "Well, Edward, I think it just might work."

I nodded, a little kernel of hope making its way back into my soul.

Carlisle filled the rest of the family in on his plan.

First, he was going to visit Bella's home and collect some items of clothing she had recently worn which would contain concentrated doses of her scent and if, at all possible, he would collect some of her blood. He would just need to scratch her arm slightly with his fingernail. He was certain that he would only need a few drops.

The plan was for me to become more used to her scent, to basically saturate myself with her essence. Carlisle's idea was to increase my tolerance level to her blood before I came into contact with her again.

The second part of the plan was for me to hunt every day to the point of gluttony to dull my hunger for blood. He had pointed out to me, that on the day that I had met her, even though my first instinct when smelling her blood had been to attack her instantly, I had been able to sit next to her for an hour without losing control. Also, he reminded me that I had not been hunting for a few weeks at that time so my hunger for blood was at an all time high.

The final step before seeing Bella in class was to test Carlisle's theory before I went back to school. Emmett and Jasper would accompany me to her home and I would test my control by being across the room while she slept. Emmett and Jasper would be right behind me ready to grab me if I lost control. This way, if anything went wrong and my brothers had to restrain me, there would be no witnesses.

It was a good plan, I only hoped to God, it worked. I was determined that this time my soul mate and I would live a long and happy life together, forever. I just had to find a way to get close to her without killing her.

Carlisle stood up from table then and said, "Well, no time like the present. It's past midnight now so the sooner I collect these things from the Swan's house, the sooner we can get started."

He vanished up the stairs to his office and returned a few moments later with a collection of items in his hands. A clear plastic bag, a diabetes clicker and a tiny glass vial with a silver screw top lid. I nodded at him. The diabetes clicker will be a painless and easy way to collect her blood. I tried not to lick my lips at the thought of her blood pooling on the tip of her finger. I failed and my face fell. Carlisle saw my expression and patted my arm as he walked past.

"It will all work out, Edward. While I'm gone, I think you should go with Emmett and Jasper to hunt. It looks like it's been awhile."

The four of us exited the house through the front door, Carlisle moved quickly towards town while we three disappeared, swiftly and silently, deeper into the woods behind the house. Carlisle was right, I had not hunted for weeks and I was ravenous by the time I caught a whiff of deer nearby. I quenched my thirst a little there and then we continued further north where we each managed to find a grizzly bear. I was feeling slightly sloshy with the amount of blood I had consumed when we finally made it back home a few hours later.

I was no sooner in the door than I could smell her delicious scent of freesias and strawberries. If I hadn't known any better I would think she had been here, in this house.


	5. Chapter 5 Relax

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Warning: This story is rated NC-17 and just giving you a heads up that this chapter contains a lemon, a very nice tall glass of cool lemonade actually!**

**Thank you as always to my Beta, beans827, you rock bb, and you are not a pain in the ass! Honestly, holding up fingers in Boy Scout promise (no, not the bird!)**

**Hope you like!**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Relax**

_Since shade relents, since 'tis indeed the day!_

_Since hope I long had deemed forever flown,_

_Wings back to me that call on her and pray,_

_Since so much joy consents to be my own._

_The dark design all I relinquish here,_

_And all the evil dreams, Ah, done am I_

_Above all with the narrowed lips, the sneer,_

_The heartless wit that laughed where one should sigh._

_Away, clenched fist and bosom's angry swell,_

_That, knave and fool at every turn abound,_

_Away, hard unforgivingness! Farewell,_

_Oblivion in a hated brewage found!_

_For I mean, now a being of the morn_

_Has shed across my night excelling rays_

_Of love at once immortal and newborn,_

_By favour of her smile, her glance, her grace._

_I mean by you upheld, O gentle hand,_

_Wherein mine trembles, led, sweet eyes, by you,_

_To walk straight, lie the path o'er mossy land_

_Or barren waste that rocks and pebbles strew._

_Yes, calm I mean to walk through life, and straight,_

_Patient of all, unanxious of the goal,_

_Void of all envy, violence, or hate_

_It shall be duty done with cheerful soul._

_And as I may, to lighten the long way,_

_So singing airs, ingenious and brave,_

_She'll listen to me graciously, I say,_

_And, verily, no other heaven I crave._

_(Paul Verlaine, "Since Shade Relents", translation of La Bonne Chanson)_

From Chapter 4-

_The four of us exited the house through the front door, Carlisle moved quickly towards town while we three disappeared, swiftly and silently, deeper into the woods behind the house. Carlisle was right, I had not hunted for weeks and I was ravenous by the time I caught a whiff of deer nearby. I quenched my thirst a little there and then we continued further north where we each managed to find a grizzly bear. I was feeling slightly sloshy with the amount of blood I had consumed when we finally made it back home a few hours later._

_I was no sooner in the door than I could smell her delicious scent of freesias and strawberries. If I hadn't known any better I would think she had been here, in this house._

**Forks Washington, January 2005**

**EPOV**

I skidded to a halt just inside the front door and Emmett and Jasper almost collided with my back as I abruptly stopped right in front of them. I inhaled deeply and a sigh escaped my lips. I heard Emmett and Jasper inhaling as well and a "Mmmmm" issued quietly from Jasper's lips. He looked at me quickly, embarrassed at his thoughts.

"She does smell good, Edward," Jasper informed me even though I knew what he had been thinking. It was an internal question really, about how the hell I had been able to control myself for an hour sitting so close to that fantastic smelling blood without pouncing and draining the girl immediately.

I decided instantly that Jasper would not be going anywhere near Bella. Carlisle would have to come with Emmett and me when we tested my resistance to her in a few days time.

Emmett, however, was not thinking about her blood. There were other scents on his mind and I didn't like where his thoughts were going either. I moved into the house and continued up the stairs towards Carlisle's study. Emmett and Jasper made to follow me, but I decided that I had had enough of their exposure to my Bella for the moment. This next step I wanted to keep between Carlisle and myself. I turned around halfway up the stairs and motioned for them to stop.

"Thanks guys, but that will be all. You won't be needed for the next step," I stated firmly.

"Oh, Edward," whined Emmett. "You take the fun out of everything, Angst-Boy."

I stood there scowling at him until he turned, grumbling, and sent another image of me as Angst-Boy, this time with my bottom lip stuck out in a pout. As he made his way back downstairs, he called out to Rose, thinking of parts of her anatomy to ensure I would leave his mind alone for a while. I gladly blocked those images.

Jasper stayed for a moment longer and placed his hand on my arm just above my elbow and squeezed lightly.

"You know, Edward, if you ever need to talk, I'd be more than happy to help. You went through an incredible amount of emotions before in such a short time. I feel like there is more to this than you are letting on. Those kinds of emotions just don't happen from contact with a girl for just one hour. When you are ready to talk, let me know. I may be able to help."

Before I could reply, Jasper had spun on his heel and was across to the other side of the house in search of Alice. I pondered what he had said. I was not ready yet, but maybe he could help me deal with all that had happened. I had lost my soul mate over and over and had never told a single person about what I had been through. Maybe I should think about it.

I turned back towards Carlisle's office and followed the scent of Bella's blood through his door. I closed it behind me and sat down in one of the spare chairs in the room facing Carlisle.

He looked up from what he was doing on his desk and smiled at me.

"Everything went well, Edward. The house was quiet and Charlie and your Bella were sleeping soundly."

I looked at him with one eyebrow raised when he said "your Bella" and he raised his own in response, looking at me pointedly for a moment, before continuing. I wondered what he was hiding from me at that moment because he was reciting the medical terms for each body part in his head.

"I picked up a handful of her clothes from the top of her laundry basket in her room…" he pointed to the plastic bag on the floor beside him, "…and managed to get a few drops of her blood in a glass vial."

My eyes immediately darted to his desk but could not see the vial anywhere.

"I put it in the safe, Edward. I think you need to work up to being around her blood. You can still smell it through the safe, but the intensity is dulled by the thick metal encasing it."

I nodded in response to his words. I had to admit to myself, just being this close to the clothes she had worn against her skin was a challenge, but not to my bloodlust. All I could think about was her soft white skin touching the shirt I could see outlined through the clear plastic of the bag and my fingers itched to rub the material with my fingers.

Carlisle's next words stunned me.

"Edward, I think you made quite an impression on Bella Swan in just one hour," and smiled when he brought forth, into his mind, what had transpired when he was at the Swan residence.

In his mind, I could see him slip silently through Bella's window and walk quietly up to her, sleeping on a bed with a lilac bedcover. He had withdrawn the diabetes clicker from his pocket and pressed it against the tip of Bella's finger laying upturned on the bedcover. With one quick press of the clicker, he had drawn several bright red drops of her blood to the tip and scooped them up in the tiny glass vial he had brought with him. She hardly moved at the sensation, just a little flicker of her finger against the cover, she hadn't even whimpered.

Carlisle secured the lid onto the vial and then scouted around her room until he spied the clothes basket behind her bedroom door. He had just lifted the lid, when I heard Bella moan seductively. Carlisle jumped and turned towards Bella on the bed.

She had moved from her previous position. Her right leg was now bent at the knee and slightly raised. Her arms had lifted and were now beside her face clutching at the ends of her pillow. She writhed on the bed then and continued to moan softly. My cock hardened instantly at these images and the sounds that Bella was making. I scooted closer to Carlisle's desk and put my hands in my lap trying to hide it from him.

My attention was focussed completely on Carlisle's memories. Nothing could tear me away from seeing Bella this way. In his mind, Carlisle turned hurriedly away, embarrassed and worried that Bella might wake up. Without further ado, he reached into the laundry basket and grabbed a handful of whatever clothes were on top and shoved them into the plastic bag before gliding swiftly back to the window.

Just as he moved to shut the glass behind him, I heard Bella say, "Oh Edward, kiss me again!"

Carlisle's eyes had flown back to the bed upon hearing my name and I watched as Bella slid one of her hands down from her pillow, towards her mouth and then bite her little finger as she let out another moan. My eyes rolled up in my head at that image and I realized that I was almost panting with the feelings of lust that filled my body. My eyes flew to Carlisle's and he smirked at me. Yes, he was smirking.

"As I was saying, I think Bella might have a little crush and judging by your face right now, Edward, I don't think she's the only one."

"Carlisle, I have just met the girl and the majority of that time was spent avoiding drinking her blood and not killing her. There is nothing else going on."

"Well, Edward, you have a passionate urge to drink her blood, maybe all of your dealings with Bella Swan will be equally as passionate."

I so did not want to have this conversation with Carlisle right now. He was chuckling, thinking to himself that it was about time, and preparing for the father/son talk he had never had to have with me before.

"Carlisle, there is no need for the father/son talk about the birds and the bees. I have been alive for 104 years and for 87 of those I have been able to read everyone's minds. Do you really think I don't know what happens between a man and a woman by now and in excruciating detail?"

Carlisle put his palms up in defeat.

"Okay, Edward, but Bella is a human girl and you are a vampire. If things become more than platonic between you, then precautions will have to be taken in order to preserve her life. One mistake on your part and she will be dead."

"Carlisle, I have met Bella Swan once, for an hour, I am hardly thinking about having sex with her!"

"Hardly, Edward?"

"Carlisle, can we just get on with the plan? What do you think is the best way to do this?"

Carlisle's mind focussed back on to the plan and he outlined his suggestions to me. Firstly, I should keep the items of clothing in the Ziploc plastic bag to retain the scent as long as possible, bringing out only one item at a time. He suggested that maybe for the whole day, I should lay my head on an item of her clothing in my room while I read or listen to music. If I had to move around, maybe I could tie a shirt into a cravat to wear around my neck. I nodded. This sounded like a good plan to me, to surround myself with Bella for the day!

"How do you think I should handle the blood you have taken, Carlisle?"

Carlisle pondered my question for a while before answering, "How about towards the end of the day, I swipe the barest trace of the blood on a piece of linen for you to keep in your pocket?"

I nodded again. Oh God, I hoped this worked. I tried to focus on the final image of Alice's where Bella looked at me with love and devotion and avoided all of the other images of her ravaged neck and her lifeless body.

I stood up and swiped the plastic bag of Bella's clothes off the floor and moved towards the door, looking back at Carlisle one last time. He was smiling benevolently at me and I mouthed the words "thank you" at him. His smile widened and he thought back "_you're welcome._ "

I bolted down the stairs two at a time, anxious now to find Alice before she mentioned her visions to anyone, still unsure of what I would say to her. I could hear her tapping away on her laptop on the dining room table, her clothing designs spread out on the table around her. I flew by Emmett and Jasper on the couch playing the Playstation game on my way to Alice. I was almost past Emmett when his arms reached out and grabbed at my arm. I stopped dead and glared at him.

"What you got there, Eddie-boy?" and he grabbed at the plastic bag in my hand.

He missed but managed to spin it around in my hands. I saw the article of clothing at the same time as he and Jasper did and my stomach clenched.

"Carlisle," Emmett yelled.

Carlisle appeared at the top of the stairs and gazed down at Emmett inquiringly.

"So, when did you start the nasty habit of stealing girl's panties for Edward, Dad?"

Carlisle's eyes widened and then immediately dropped to the bag I was holding and zeroed in on the tiny little pale blue satin panties outlined against the side of the clear plastic.

He looked at me sheepishly then and said to Emmett, "Ah, well I didn't pay attention to what clothing I took. I just reached in and grabbed a handful as Bella was moving around and I had to get out of there before she woke up." He stuttered out, then turned swiftly and retreated back to his study, slamming the door.

Jasper was laughing so hard by then that he was almost on the floor. If he could have, he would have had tears rolling down his face.

I pulled out of Emmett's grasp and started towards the stairs and to my room, all thoughts of talking to Alice forgotten for the moment.

Jasper called out, "Have fun, Edward!" as he collapsed in laughter again, this time joined by Emmett.

Before I had reached my room, they were calling out for Alice and Rosalie and were disappearing into the forest in different directions with plans for some naked time.

A few minutes later, I heard Carlisle and Esme leave as well, on their way to a new home-wares store that had opened up in Port Angeles that Esme had wanted to browse through.

I stood in my room for a few minutes contemplating spending the day covered in Bella's scent. It was then that I realized…

I was alone in the house.

I was alone in the house with Bella's clothes covered in her exquisite scent.

I was alone in the house with Bella's tiny blue satin panties. That she had worn.

The erection that I had sported when Carlisle had relayed his visit to Bella's room surged back with a vengeance.

I hesitated. Everyone knew what was in the bag. Everyone had left the house very conveniently. Everyone thought I was going to wank over Bella's little blue panties. I groaned out loud in embarrassment. There was no way that was happening now. I would never be able to face my family again.

I moved some books and sheet music off the couch in my room and gingerly opened the plastic bag. Bella's scent was stronger with the bag open and I felt venom fill my mouth which I swallowed convulsively. I extracted the topmost item of clothing and quickly sealed the bag up and placed it on the floor beside the couch.

I placed Bella's white t-shirt on the end of the couch and lay down on my side with my cheek nestled on the shirt. I closed my eyes and Bella's combined flavours of freesia and strawberry wound their way to my nostrils. The softness of the shirt and the thought that my lips were just about where her pert, beautiful breasts would be if she was wearing the shirt did not help the raging hard-on pressing against the zipper of my jeans. I opened my eyes quickly which was a big mistake.

Bella's panties were now at my eye level and only a foot away from me, taunting me as they pressed against the clear plastic. This close to the bag, I could single out all of her individual scents. I could smell the strawberry shampoo she uses where her hair lays against the collars of her shirts. I could smell the powdery scent of her deodorant on the armholes of the t-shirt below me. I could smell the glorious smell of her sweat on some exercise pants I could see twisted in the bag and last, but definitely not least, I could smell the scent from her womanly core.

I couldn't take my eyes off her little blue panties and eventually the temptation proved too much. I sat up on the couch and reached for the bag. Again, I opened it and dug my hand down the inside of the bag until my fingers touched the satin of the panties. I pulled them up and out of the bag and closed it back up tightly.

I sat on my couch with the feel of satin running through my fingertips. Her scent was so much stronger now that they were out of the bag. I couldn't help myself and I lifted the panties to my nose and inhaled deeply, amazed anew that the essence of my soul mate had not changed through the years. She still smelled exactly the same.

Though other little things were different about her, each time she came back to me, her scent was always the same, guiding me to her. These other differences were more to do with the times she had lived. Inside, she was essentially the same loving, kind and beautiful person.

I leaned back in my chair, the panties held in my left hand and my fingers rubbing the satin over and over. Well, I thought, everyone assumes I am doing this, so I might as well have some reward for the teasing I will be sure to receive when the boys return home.

I unbuttoned the front of my jeans with my right hand and peeled them and my briefs down my legs and off, not wanting to let go of the panties in my left. Next, I lifted my t-shirt over my head and threw it into the corner of the room so that I was completely naked. The feel of my bare ass on the couch and the knowledge of what I was about to do was highly arousing. My cock, by this time, was swelled to its maximum proportions and was begging to be touched. I gave it a quick pump with my right hand and groaned at the sensations, the tiniest bit of venom leaking out of the head.

I gripped the base of my hardened length with my thumb and forefinger, and the rest of the fingers on my right hand trailed lower down and pulled up on my balls. Then, I slid the satin panties up my length and over the head and around again with my left hand. I groaned loudly at the sensation of the satin against my aroused skin. I closed my eyes and thought about Bella on her bed, her hands fisted into her pillow, writhing and moaning while she was thinking of me. By that time, my left hand had gripped my cock hard and was pumping fiercely up and down, masturbating me with the cool satin. Too soon, I was completely overwhelmed by the scent of her arousal wafting up from her panties, I threw my head back against the couch and with a loud growl I came hard onto my stomach and all over the panties.

I lay there for a time, my hands still wrapped around myself, Bella's panties now stuck to my still erect member and I sighed in relief. It had been so long since I had been with her intimately. I missed being with her in every way. The next time I had sex, I sincerely hoped that I would not be alone. I hoped that she would be with me.

I wondered how long they would all be away from the house and then panicked at the thought of anyone arriving home and seeing me like this. Regretfully, I pulled Bella's panties free and stood up. I walked into my bathroom and carefully folded them and laid them on the counter. I reached into the shower and turned on the tap, turning it on as hot as it would go and stepped in. The hot water streaming down my body and over my still partially erect shaft did nothing to quell the horniness I felt from touching myself and making myself come while thinking of Bella.

I washed quickly, dried off briskly and donned my jeans and t-shirt again before any of the family ventured home. I placed Bella's panties in a zip-loc bag I found in the kitchen and then placed them in the top of the memento box I had hidden inside the padding of my couch. I ran my hands lovingly over the trinkets, notes and photos stored in the box, all of my tangible memories of my time with my soul mate. I replaced the box, opened my windows to let in some fresh air and returned to the couch and Bella's shirt.

This time, when I lay down with my face pressing against her shirt, I reached out and clicked on my sound system with the remote. I then clicked on random and closed my eyes concentrating on Bella's scent all around me.

The music kicked in and I smiled to hear an old favourite of mine and of hers. It was Ella Fitzgerald and as she started to sing, I drifted back in time to the memory of when I had first heard this song. The first time I remembered meeting Bella. Her name then, however, had been Elizabeth.


	6. Chapter 6 Remembering

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you as always to my Beta, beans827, you rock bb, thank you for being so thorough, sometimes (a lot) I write at 2am and I'm not sure if all brain cells are go at that time. Thank you too for all the support when I was in the hospital last week with my son, good friends make the difficult times much easier to bear.**

**Hope you like.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Remembering**

_Your soul is a chosen landscape_

_Where charming masked and costumed figures go_

_Playing the lute and dancing and almost_

_Sad beneath their fantastic disguises._

_All sing in a minor key_

_Of all-conquering love and careless fortune_

_They do not seem to believe in their happiness_

_And their song mingles with the moonlight._

_The still moonlight, sad and beautiful_

_Which gives the birds to dream in the trees_

_And makes the fountain sprays sob in ecstasy_

_The tall slender fountain sprays among the marble statues._

_(Paul Verlaine, "Moonlight", translation of Clare de Lune)_

From Chapter 5 -

_The music kicked in and I smiled to hear an old favourite of mine and of hers. It was Ella Fitzgerald and as she started to sing, I drifted back in time to the memory of when I had first heard this song. The first time I remembered meeting Bella. Her name then however, had been Elizabeth._

**Chicago – August 1927**

When I was turned in 1918, I immediately took to the vegetarian lifestyle that Carlisle had adopted when he was turned himself, hundreds of years before. I looked up to Carlisle, and was awed that he was able to abstain from human blood when he was a newborn out on his own. That's not to say that I didn't make mistakes or have the uncontrollable urge to drink, I did but I just didn't want to. I wanted my sire to be proud of me.

Carlisle had saved me from becoming a monster countless times in those first few years when I had tempted fate far too often. I had been arrogant and cocky and assumed I was strong enough to reign in the bloodlust even if I ventured too close to a human. I had been wrong. It had taken close to 3 years before we could live within a city and another few years before I was able to be in an enclosed space with a large group of humans.

In late July of 1927, 9 years after I was turned, I decided to leave Carlisle and Esme, for what was supposed to be a few short weeks. My purpose was two-fold however I only told them half of it. The part that I had told them was that I needed to get away for a little while and that it would mean they would get some much needed time to spend alone with one another. I hadn't wanted to tell Carlisle that I was heading back to Chicago. I knew that he would have told me it was too dangerous since my family had been well known, and I might be recognized.

I understood his logic, but I was going anyway. I needed to know who I was before the change. Was there anything left of my family there? Had there been anyone special in my life? Had I been a decent human being? My memories of that time were like looking through a very foggy window. I needed some answers.

I had arrived in Chicago within a week of leaving them. I was blessed with great speed as a vampire, and combined with the ability to read minds, I was able to travel swiftly without the fear of being seen. Carlisle had told me the few details he knew of me from my time in the hospital. My name was Edward Anthony Masen and my parents had been Edward and Elizabeth. We had lived in a large house on Main Street, and from what he could ascertain my family had been rather well off financially.

I went to the hospital first and searched their records for admission details for my family. After locating the address, I found the house and stealthily entered it through an unlocked window at the rear. The house was quiet although I could hear the heartbeats of three people, one a little faster than the others. I crept upstairs and in the larger of the bedrooms saw a man and woman sleeping restlessly. I heard a baby's cry from the next room and the woman started up and, without opening her eyes, she swung her legs out of the bed. Before she became fully awake, I flew out of the room and back downstairs.

I roamed around the house and wondered who these people were. I did not remember them; they did not seem familiar to me. I found what looked like a study and I started rifling around the papers on the desk. From what I could see from the paperwork, the house had been sold 5 years ago after no living relatives of my family had been located. The people living here now apparently had no connection to me whatsoever.

I wondered about what had happened to all the accoutrements of our life here in this home. What happened to our clothes, our books; the myriad of possessions of the Masen family? A sudden thought grabbed me and I darted in and out of the rest of the rooms downstairs looking for my piano. It wasn't here. I sunk to the floor and rested my forehead on my knees. I wanted to find something, even a little thing to remind me of my humanity, a shred of who I was before. To anchor me and assure me that I was more than this deadly creature who could end a life in a split second.

Just before dawn, I dejectedly crept out of the house and returned to the outskirts of town. I slipped deep into the woods, to hide from the humans, as it was looking to be a brilliantly sunny day and I pondered what my next steps would be to find myself. More prophetic words had never been spoken. I had come to Chicago to find my humanity, and instead, the next series of events would lead me to find the monster within.

After a few hours, my concentration was disturbed by the sound of a low sweet voice singing and a higher pitched younger voice chiming in a few beats too slow. I could just make out the words of the song.

_Someday he'll come along, the man I love_

_And he'll be big and strong, the man I love_

My curiosity got the better of me and I followed the sound, anxious now to get a look at the women singing. The younger sang slightly out of tune, but the older voice was husky and low and the sound of her voice sent tingles down my spine. They were singing a George Gershwin song from Strike up the Band, a musical that I had attended earlier in the year, called "The Man I Love". I had thought it rather schmaltzy at the time. Now I was entranced.

_He'll look at me and smile,_

_I'll understand_

_And in a little while he'll take my hand_

_And though it seems absurd_

_I know we both won't say a word_

I was getting closer now, so I rapidly scaled a tree on the edge of a clearing in the woods, and leaned out to get a better look. In the middle of the clearing was a stunning woman in her mid 20's, with her eyes closed and swaying to the imaginary beat of the music. She had long brown hair and a beautiful heart shaped face. The other was a mousy haired girl of about 17 or 18 giggling helplessly now at the exaggerated motions of the older woman.

_He'll build a little home, just meant for two_

_From which we'll never roam: Who would, would you?_

_And so all else above I'm waiting for the man I love_

Her arms swung wide on the final note and she wiggled her hips just like she was an actress on the stage of some Broadway theater. Then, she opened her eyes and smiled cheekily at the younger girl. I gulped. I licked my suddenly dry lips. My eyes were glued to her every movement, seductive in her innocence. This woman was something else.

"What do you think, little sis, should I move to New York and try to make it on Broadway?"

"You wish, Lizbeth. I can just imagine William allowing you to tread the boards, while he waits patiently at home. You really need to give him an answer soon, Liz. He has asked you to marry him 3 times and each time he gets madder and madder that you keep him waiting."

"I don't know if I want to marry William, Marie. Just because he does business with Father, does not mean he will make a good husband. I don't think he loves me anyway."

"What has love got to do with it, Liz? You fell in love once and look where that got you. You have to forget that boy. You hardly knew him. He is long gone and you are still here, almost an old maid."

"You don't know anything, Marie," and the woman called Lizbeth spun on her heel, her long dark hair flying out behind her. The scent of her newly washed hair scented with strawberries wafted up to me in the branches and just before she reached the tree line, the faint hint of freesia in her blood burned its way into my throat. I lost the ability to breathe. I felt my heart thump in my chest which was impossible. The very essence of her lush womanliness spoke to me and I desperately wanted to get to know her.

Something in her called to me on an elemental level and it wasn't just her blood, it was everything about her. I wanted to know what she liked to eat, what her favourite book was, what made her laugh. I wanted her to sing for me, and only me, with her low, breathy voice. But most of all, I wanted to touch her, to feel her soft skin under my fingertips, to press my cold lips against her warm pink mouth and inhale her sweet breath. I wanted to touch the skin above her beating heart with my fingertips.

I had never felt this way before. I wanted her in a way that was unfamiliar to me. I had not once felt physical desire since I had become a vampire almost 10 years ago. I couldn't remember if I had felt it before my change, but it felt amazing. I felt alive. Thoughts of touching her more intimately crept into my mind and I would have blushed, if I was able.

From this angle up in the tree, I could see partway down the bodice of her dress and the globes of her lovely breasts. They were soft and lush and I could just see the edge of the blushing pink aureoles before they disappeared in the sea of material. I ached to cup them in my hands, to brush my cheek against the soft skin, to taste them, to wrap my lips around the tips of her breasts and suckle each of them tenderly. Venom pooled in my mouth and I reached down and started to rub my hand down my hardened length unconsciously. I jerked my hand away when I realised what I was doing, embarrassed.

I wondered then what she would look like without her clothes. I had seen naked women before, but only in the minds of other people. Not ever personally. I was fascinated by her. I wanted her. I leaned forward without thinking to see her better and the branch started to give. I quickly straightened but overcompensated and almost fell into the clearing.

I must have made a noise which caused her to look straight up into the tree where I was hiding. Her chocolate brown eyes stared into mine for just a moment, and they were like deep dark pools I could fall into. I had seen those eyes before. They were the eyes of my dream girl. The woman blinked twice, still staring at me and started softly chanting, "No, no, no…" and then she promptly fainted.

**Forks, Washington – January 2005**

**BPOV**

I barely functioned the rest of the day after my first biology lab. I was completely psyched out by seeing the man of my dreams, sitting next to me. I checked for him the rest of the day, and not seeing him anywhere, I was eventually convinced that I had been seeing things. Maybe I had just been so stressed about starting at the school that the boy sitting next to me looked a little like him and I projected my dream man's features onto him?

Or, I had gone stark, raving mad and was making up imaginary people who were not there. Or, maybe, I had a brain tumour and seeing people who were not there was normal? Maybe, I had seen this boy somewhere before and he had become a regular feature in my fantasies? The thing was, though, I am pretty sure I would never forget meeting someone that stunningly gorgeous.

I was so distracted for the rest of the day that I am certain I ignored some of the students who were trying to be nice. Great! My track record for fitting in and not acting like a freak was so not going well already.

When classes finished, I trudged through the heavy rain out to my truck, and noticed four stunningly beautiful people, standing in the rain at the edge of the parking lot. From the descriptions that Jessica had given me earlier at lunch, I figured that these were the Cullens, a group of impossibly attractive kids adopted by the local doctor and his wife.

The petite dark-haired girl was talking animatedly to the rest and they seemed to be arguing about something. Then, as if they knew I was watching them, they all turned as one and stared at me. Yep. Word had obviously gotten around already. Bella Swan was the new freak in town.

I hurriedly pulled open the door to my truck, tripped as I went to take a step in, banging my arm on the door. I rubbed the area which already had a faint mark and turned the key to start the engine. The sound of the engine was so loud that I was glad to get out of the lot and on my way home to think about the events of today.

Charlie wasn't home yet, so I started dinner. I remembered his attempts from previous visits home and thought it best if I took over these duties in the future. Thankfully, cooking dinner and tidying up took my mind off the disaster of today and when Charlie walked in a few minutes before dinner was ready he looked pleased with the meal of spaghetti and garlic bread I placed before him. Charlie is not much of a conversationalist and neither am I. As soon as we had finished dinner, I cleared the plates from the table and washed them. By then, Charlie had settled in front of the television to watch the game, and I just waved as I went past to go up to my room.

I sat cross-legged on the bed and took out my school books from my backpack that I had snagged on my way up the stairs. I attempted to start my homework, but thoughts of him kept haunting me. Remembering the look in his eyes when I walked into the room, made me shiver. They were deep and dark and so beautiful. I felt like they had stared into my soul and that he knew me like no other. The way he had looked at me during the class made my heart beat faster.

Especially the look he gave me just before the bell rang. I heard him make a funny sound, like a strangled moan and I could not help but look at him. His eyes then melted me into a little puddle. I had wanted to reach over and touch him. I wanted to touch him all over when he looked at me like that.

I grimaced then, remembering how quickly he left the room and I hoped he had no idea about what I had been thinking right then. I sighed and resolutely put him out of my mind. I hadn't been paying enough attention in class and my incomplete notes were making it very difficult to finish my homework.

I slept fitfully that night, constantly waking and stressing about the day. Eventually, in the early hours of the morning, I drifted off and entered into a deep sleep where I could dream about him and that he was mine. The dream stayed with me when I eventually opened my eyes in the morning, and I played it over again in my mind before I had to start the day.

We were both dressed in old fashioned clothing from the early 20th century, I guessed, based on my history studies. He was wearing suit pants and a jacket in the softest chocolate brown material, a white shirt, tie and a fawn-coloured waistcoat. On his head was a straw boater hat. I was wearing a dark red drop waisted, ankle length dress with thick stockings and buckled shoes.

When my dream started, he had just opened the door to a room and was pulling me inside, his fingers laced with mine. I was laughing and he put his finger to his lips indicating for me to be quiet. He was trying to be serious, but the grin on his face and little chuckles I heard gave him away. He closed the door behind us quietly and I looked around the room in wonder. In the middle of what looked like the music room of a charming, turn-of-the-century home, was a glossy, black baby grand piano.

He sat down on the bench seat in front of the piano and motioned for me to join him. I started to feel nervous, and expressed my fear that I was not supposed to be there. He looked up at me with his beautiful green eyes and smiled. My heart skipped a beat and I stopped breathing.

"Breathe," he whispered to me with a voice like melted chocolate, and held out his hand to me.

I sat down next to him on the bench and he whispered to me that his parents were out, and that the staff who worked in the house, had been instructed not to disturb him when he was practising.

He placed his long fingers on the keys then and without warning, he launched into the most beautiful piece of music I had ever heard. I sat there mesmerised while his hands flew over the keys, his eyes closed, so intent on his playing. I could feel the notes reverberate through me this close to the piano and I was lost in wonder at his skill.

The music ended too soon and, as the last note died on the keys, he turned to me and reached for my hands, his fingers clasping mine so gently. Not taking his green eyes off mine, he lifted them to his lips and kissed firstly the knuckles of each hand and then the palm of each ever so gently, his lips lingering. The feel of his soft lips on my skin set my hands trembling.

He stood up then and drew me to my feet, his eyes never leaving mine. He moved my hands and placed my palms on his chest directly over his beating heart, covering them with his own. His next words moved me so much that I felt tears start to gather in my eyes.

With his face close to mine, he whispered, "Do you feel how fast my heart is beating? That is you; that is what happens every time you are close to me. I love you."

He released one my hands then and reached up to brush the tears from my cheeks, gazing inquiringly into my eyes.

"Happy tears," I told him, "I love you too, E".

With one hand entwined with mine against his heart and the other cupping my cheek, he leaned towards me slowly and pressed his lips gently against mine. The tears fell faster then.

We parted reluctantly and were moving towards the doors to leave the room, when he said, "Wait!" and rushed back to the piano.

He picked up the sheet music for Clare de Lune that he had just been playing and starting writing something at the bottom of the sheet. He folded the paper several times and then returned to my side at the door. He opened my hand then, placing the paper into it and curling my fingers around it.

He winked at me and said, "Do you think you can be patient, love, and read that when you get home?"

Having said that, he grabbed my hand, quietly opened the door and stuck his head out for a few moments.

"All clear,' he whispered and we ran through the door.

I looked at the clock on my bedside table then and jumped out of bed. Too much time daydreaming. I was going to be late.

I was nervous as I drove my truck into the parking lot and parked at the back. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him today or if I wanted confirmation that he was a figment of my very fertile imagination.

I walked into the school and was immediately surrounded by three boys I remember meeting yesterday. Mike, Eric and I have no idea of the third's name.

"Hey, Bella, let me walk you to class."

"Bella, will you sit next to me at lunch today?"

"Hey, baby. " Mike slung his arm around my shoulders.

I shrugged my shoulders to dislodge Mike's arm and raised my eyebrow at the three of them. "What! Am I a shiny new toy you can't put down or something?"

All three looked back at me sheepishly and walked with me to my first class. I shook my head and thought to myself that maybe I had just moved to a whole town of freaks and that I might not stand out as much as I thought.

I spent the entire day looking for him but there was no sign of him anywhere. I couldn't ask anybody about him. I didn't even know his name and what if he wasn't real?

Angela met me on the way into the cafeteria and shyly asked me to sit with her. I gratefully accepted as she seemed really nice. Jessica joined us soon after and spent the whole time talking about Mike Newton, apparently her most recent crush. It was easy to zone out and I spent the time gazing around the cafeteria searching for him again.

We had not been sitting there very long when I glanced at the table of Cullens. The four of them were sitting there, like statues, staring at me. Yep, I had definitely moved into a town full of freaks. In the case of the Cullen family, though, they were beautiful freaks.

On Friday, I walked with trepidation into the biology lab. I had not seen him anywhere so far this week but if he was around then he would be here. The seat beside mine was empty. I breathed a sigh of relief before I realized what him not being here meant. I must have imagined him after all. I felt very scared then that something was really wrong with me.


	7. Chapter 7 Reverie

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**So, so sorry for the big delay in posting, I had a little plot hole that needed fixing (damn Edwards mind reading abilities!!!) and I had a little writers block and I posted a one shot called Undercover for the roaring Twenties contest that took a while to be validated. I had to wait for that to be validated before submitting this chapter.**

**So to make it up to everyone here is an extra long chapter. **

**The poem at the start of this chapter is what gave me the inspiration for the story and it is my favorite of the Paul Verlaine poems.**

**Beans827, bb and twin, thank you so much for your beta work on this and all my other ramblings. I will try to remember my apostrophes and commas from now on… really…I will…promise.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Reverie**

_Oft do I dream this strange and penetrating dream:  
An unknown woman, whom I love, who loves me well,  
Who does not every time quite change, nor yet quite dwell  
The same,—and loves me well, and knows me as I am._

For she knows me! My heart, clear as a crystal beam  
To her alone, ceases to be inscrutable  
To her alone, and she alone knows to dispel  
My grief, cooling my brow with her tears' gentle stream.

Is she of favour dark or fair?—I do not know.  
Her name? All I remember is that it doth flow  
Softly, as do the names of them we loved and lost.

Her eyes are like the statues',—mild and grave and wide;  
And for her voice she has as if it were the ghost  
Of other voices,—well-loved voices that have died.

(Paul Verlaine, "Familiar Dream" translation of Mon Reve Familier)

From Chapter 6 -

_I must have made a noise, which caused her to look straight up into the tree. Her chocolate brown eyes stared into mine for just a moment, and they were like deep dark pools, I could fall in to. I had seen those eyes before. They were the eyes of my dream girl. The woman blinked twice, still staring at me and started softly chanting, "No, no, no" and then promptly fainted_.

**Chicago, August 1927**

**EPOV**

I wanted to go to her, scoop her up and cradle her to my chest, but luckily my brain started working again. She had just seen some strange man up in the trees, staring at her and I guess I had scared the hell out of her. Her sister ran over then and started to call her name frantically. I jumped from one tree to the next in an effort to place some distance between us. When I was about 100 yards away, I stopped and peered back through the foliage.

Lizbeth was coming around now, still whispering, "No, no, no, no." Her eyes darted up into the tree looking for me. She blinked, shook her head and started to laugh almost hysterically.

Marie looked down at her worriedly, "What has gotten into you, Liz?"

"Nothing has gotten into me, Marie. I was just daydreaming and seeing things."

Lizbeth got up slowly, brushed down her dress and continued on through the woods with her sister trailing at her side, grumbling.

I stared after her, shocked and bemused. She was stunning, long hair, soft eyes, her lips tilted a little at the side as if smiling at a secret only she knew. Her figure was exquisite and her scent…her scent was that of a woman, flowery perfumed and earthy at the same time. I felt like a schoolboy with a crush on his first grade teacher. I could tell that she was older than my 17 human years; she was so womanly, so mysterious to me. Yet oddly there was something familiar about her at the same time.

The trail of her scent teased at my senses and I wanted to follow her. I was confused. Why did she look so much like the girl I often daydreamed about? Thoughts of my dream girl had started a few years after I had been changed, but I had always assumed she was a figment of my fertile imagination.

Thinking back on it now, it was not long after Carlisle had turned Esme, and they had become a couple. I spent a lot of time on my own, so they could be together and not worry about me hearing their thoughts; as well as other things. It made me feel very uncomfortable and I often wandered through the woods near our home in an effort to give them their privacy. I usually took a novel or a book of poetry with me to pass the time.

One day, I had been searching the book shelves in our library for a new book to take with me, when the poet's name caught my eye and I picked up the slim volume of poetry by Paul Verlaine. I remembered reading somewhere that Debussy had composed the third movement of his Suite Bergamasque, Clare de Lune based on a poem of the same name by Verlaine. I loved to play Clare de Lune on my piano for it soothed me as no other music could. Some parts were slow and even a little sombre but then underneath it all, trying to get through, were hints of hopefulness.

The reminder of the beautiful music made me impatient for my new piano to arrive. The home we had moved to shortly after I was changed had an old upright that I had been using for a while when Esme told Carlisle that my playing was so beautiful, it deserved to be played on a much better instrument. Carlisle could deny us nothing, and had ordered the baby grand piano the next day.

Once I had selected my reading material for the day, I had walked for well over an hour before I found a spot with a beautiful view overlooking a meadow. I stayed in the shadows and leaned up against the trunk of a tree from where I admired the peace and quiet of the meadow. It was really the most perfect day to be outside and I sat there soaking up the attractions all around me.

I felt like I had stumbled into a Van Gogh landscape. The bright yellow of the strong rays from the midday sun amplified the bright blue sky and filtered through the foliage above me. The colourful flowers in the meadow were gently swaying in the slight breeze of the afternoon. The persistent droning of a hive of bees nearby lulled me into complete relaxation and I closed my eyes, my mind drifting.

I had been sitting there for some time when I remembered my book. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small book of poetry. Resting my arms on my knees, I flicked through the pages looking for Clare de Lune. I had never read any of Verlaine's poems before, but as I read through them, I discovered that I liked them a lot. There was one in particular which drew my eye, _Mon Reve Familier_.

The words spoke of a man, dreaming about a woman he had not yet met. He did not know exactly what she looked like, but he knew that she was out there, that she would know him as no other and that she would love him just as he was. This man was so sure that she was there, somewhere, waiting for him to find her. I desperately wanted that dream-to know that there was someone meant just for me.

I realized I was jealous of what Carlisle had found with Esme. I chastised myself for that ungracious thought. Carlisle had waited for several hundred years for his soul mate. Would it take that long for me to find mine?

I remember sitting under the cool of the tree with my eyes closed thinking about the poem, wondering if there was someone waiting for me, and if there was, what she would look like. An image of a girl with soft brown eyes, long brown hair and pale white porcelain skin entered my mind. I wondered fleetingly if I had known her before but shook my head in denial. I had no memory of anyone like her at all.

Mind you, I had no real memory of most people I knew before I had been changed. Vague images of my parents were retained, with the occasional distinct memory that stood out in my mind. Sadly, very little else.

After that day in the meadow, I thought about my daydream girl often, wondering if she was waiting for me to find her or was she just a product of my wishful imagination. Whenever I thought of her, she was often laughing and so happy. When my new piano arrived, I spent so much time playing. Often I would imagine the girl sitting by my side while I played to her.

It was in part, because of my dream girl, that I had come to Chicago in the first place. I had been dreaming of her for years and I felt so lonely all of the time. Carlisle and Esme were restrained around me but it was still difficult to be around them and not have anyone of my own. I didn't expect to actually find her, per se, but hoped by travelling a little, I might find a mate just like Carlisle had. He was so happy and content now and I wanted that for me.

My mind wandered back to Lizbeth. She was not an exact replica of my dream girl but she looked a lot like her. She was older for one thing. Her face was more refined and her body was lushly mature. I was not complaining.

What should I do now? Walk up and introduce myself maybe? I laughed mockingly.

"Hello, I didn't get the chance to introduce myself before in the woods. I'm Edward Cullen and I think you smell absolutely amazing."

As if I hadn't scared the hell out of her before. What point would there be to follow her. I turned then and walked slowly back into the trees.

The enormity of Carlisle's actions hit me full force then. I was not dead from Spanish influenza true, but I wasn't really alive either. I could never fall in love with a girl and get married and grow old with her. I would never be a father.

For the first time, I felt anger at Carlisle for doing this to me. He had Esme now for eternity; he didn't need me for a companion. There was no way this human woman would want to be with a vampire. What right did he have to turn me into a soulless monster doomed to wander the earth on my own without love?

I then felt immediately guilty. Carlisle loved me like a son and he had done what he had to in order to save me. Esme had been human when he had first met her and he had walked away from her. It was not until he had found her grievously injured and close to death that he had changed her for himself.

Now, I wondered how Carlisle had had the strength to stay away from human Esme once he had met her. Had he secretly watched and followed her, longing for her as I did for the woman who was now enchanting me? I stayed in the woods for days just so I could catch another glimpse of Lizbeth, annoyed with myself for letting her walk away.

I found her again a few days later. I had been idly sitting in a tree near where I had first seen her when I spotted Marie walking home from school by herself, so I shamelessly followed her, hoping to see my angel once more. I could smell her sweet scent before she came into view and I was shocked by the strength of the feelings that swelled in my chest when her flushed countenance came into sight. She was kneeling in the midst of a garden bed planting bulbs and looked up smiling when Marie came through the gate.

"Elizabeth, Marie, come inside and help me with dinner," I heard a woman's voice call from the back door and then she was gone in a flurry of skirts.

"Elizabeth", I whispered to myself, rolling her name around my tongue, savouring its sound. In the shadows of the trees I stood there, occasionally catching sight of her as she passed a window and listened to her as she conversed with her family. When the evening grew late and the family had retired, I avidly watched the window of the room I had discerned as hers, hoping to see her once more.

I was rewarded for my patience when Elizabeth stepped to the window in a white gown and lace trimmed robe, slowly brushing her long hair as she gazed at the moon above. I was startled from my contemplation of her when an image flitted through Elizabeth's mind of my face staring at her from the trees and the words that she uttered into the breeze.

"Who are you? You are so beautiful and so pale. Are you a ghost? Or are you just a phantom of my imagination?"

Another image formed in Elizabeth's mind. This time I saw someone who looked almost exactly like me but with laughing green eyes, a wide cheeky grin and flushed cheeks. Irrationally, I felt a tug of jealousy in my gut when this laughing boy reached towards Elizabeth, grabbed her hands in his and danced her around what looked to be a field of flowers.

"E, I miss you so!" Elizabeth sobbed out into the night.

My heart clenched at her words. I didn't want her to be pining for this E, this E who looked like me. She sounded so sad, so different from the laughter I heard in her thoughts when she was with this boy of her dreams. Was it really me? I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be or not. I couldn't ever remember being that young, that carefree, or that happy. I couldn't remember Elizabeth. If I was this boy, truly, how could I have forgotten her?

I knew deep down inside that it was me that I was seeing in her mind but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was once that boy who laughed and loved with sheer abandon and joy. I could never be that boy again, would never be able to laugh and dance with her in the sunlight, hold her close and declare my love for her. I cursed the fates that had led me to her, to show me what could have been mine and was now lost to me forever. If I hadn't met her, I would never have realized how empty my life was and how my future now extended into eternity without my true love by my side.

I stood outside Elizabeth's home for the rest of the night, just staring up at her window, my heart breaking for what I could no longer have.

It came to me then, my dream girl was real. The visions I had been having had been of times that had actually happened. I had not forgotten her completely. I briefly wondered why I had not remembered her from the start? Maybe the fever I had succumbed to before I was turned, blocked or dimmed my memories? I wasn't sure, but right at that moment, I did not care.

I felt so protective of Elizabeth now, so guilty for leaving her, so guilty for not remembering her. I knew I could not be a part of her life but that didn't mean I would leave her again. I needed to make sure no harm would befall her. I took to following her at a distance, just to make sure she was safe.

I followed her to the cinema where she met her friend Amy. I would sit at the back of the darkened room and watch her instead of the movie. I followed her to the Children's Hospital where she volunteered a few days a week and waited in the coffee shop across the road, hoping to catch a glimpse of her through the windows. I followed her to the theatre with her family and watched her in rapture as she mouthed the words to _Much Ado about Nothing_ by Shakespeare. In short, I became obsessed with her.

I tried to justify to myself that I was following her to ensure her safety. She seemed rather clumsy on occasion. Chicago and, in particular, the woods near Elizabeth's home could be dangerous places where she might get hurt. I laughed mirthlessly since a part of me kind of hoped she would get hurt, and then I would be able to swoop in like a hero and save her. Right, save her, as in… turn her into a vampire. I was the most dangerous animal in the woods. I could hurt her the most. What was I doing? I should go back to Carlisle and Esme in Rochester soon, but I was drawing my stay out with one excuse after another.

Elizabeth intrigued me more and more each time I saw her. When she was with her little sister, she was happy and laughing and the images running through her mind were always of her family and friends and what she could do to help them. However, when she was alone, it would seem the vitality I had seen on that first day, had been sucked right out of her. She would walk with a slight hunch to her shoulders and her arms wrapped around her waist as if holding something in.

Whenever she would pass through the clearing, she would glance up at the tree where she had seen me and an image of my face peeking through the leaves would fill her thoughts over and over. She was confused about what she had seen, was I a figment of her imagination? Maybe I was an apparition?

Often a hint of tears shimmered in her eyes. I was consumed with trying to understand her. Through her memories, I learned a little bit more of the human I was before. I felt like crying myself when she was thinking of the boy she used to love, who she still loved. I wanted to comfort her when she thought about my death but I stayed where I was, always there, silently following at a distance.

There was one particular day when she was walking home from the hospital after collecting Marie that they had run into a business associate of her father's, a man called William Strider. I could tell from her thoughts that Elizabeth did not particularly like him, Strider had tried to court her on a number of occasions and she had shied away from his advances in the past. Strider offered them a lift home in his new Cadillac and they gratefully accepted as the day was exceptionally warm. I was not concerned, once they had reached the wooded area outside town I could easily catch up to them.

However, I wanted to kill Strider when I did catch up to the car. Elizabeth was sitting in the front seat next to him and his thoughts about her body were far from respectful. In fact, the thoughts he had about touching her breasts alone made me so angry I thought I would explode. Elizabeth sat next to him the entire ride oblivious to his disgusting mind.

I was ready to follow him and rip him limb from limb when I remembered my less than chaste thoughts about Elizabeth since I had first seen her. I was ashamed of myself but determined to protect my angel all the more from the scum that trod the earth. When Strider finished his business meeting with her father, he went in search of her but she had retired to her room and he was thwarted from speaking to her. I was glad because Strider was going to ask her to marry him again. In his mind, he was listing all the reasons for his decision. He wanted to be more involved with her father's business and he wanted to have Elizabeth for his own. The more she refused, the more determined he was to have her.

I wish I had been more worried about Strider than I had, but other than his lascivious thoughts about Elizabeth, which given I had had the same thoughts, I could hardly complain about his actions. I knew Elizabeth's feelings about Strider and they did not entertain marriage to him in the slightest. Firstly, he was too old for her, he made her want to throw up at the thought of the intimate side of marriage with him and lastly, but by no means the least to me, she was still in love with me and according to her, she always would be.

I wanted to feel bad about her pining for me and truly I was upset that she was often so sad. But I couldn't find it within me to wish for Elizabeth to meet someone else to love. Not yet. Not when I had just found her.

Today, she was alone as she meandered slowly through the woods not far from her home, and again tears filled her eyes. She was holding a piece of thick white paper folded into a small square. The image in her mind right at that moment was quite clear and I voraciously consumed all she gave me of herself, albeit unknowingly. In her memories, she was sitting at the back of what looked like an auditorium packed with people.

I could hear the sounds of an orchestra tuning their instruments. Elizabeth was looking down at what appeared to be the same folded paper she now held in her hands, turning it over and over. Just then sounds of a piano wafted through the air. My stomach clenched, the music was Clare de Lune, my favorite and I knew it was me up there on the stage playing my heart out for her and only her.

I heard a small, anguished whisper escape her then and it filled me with sadness for the woman walking in front of me.

Elizabeth whispered, "E, I miss you so. Why did you die? Why did you leave me all alone? And why now have you come back to me after all this time? I saw your image in the tree and now I can feel you in the air around me all the time. You are all I ever wanted, all I will ever want."

Her words hit me with the force of a sledge hammer. She sensed my nearness to her, I was holding her back from finding fulfilment in her life, to finding someone to grow old with, to love and to be loved like she deserved. I cursed myself for my selfish stupidity. I was living vicariously through her memories and not living myself. I briefly wondered what would happen if I showed myself to her in the vain hope that she could love a monster. But I couldn't do that to her, she deserved so much better than the shell of the boy she used to know.

I was nothing like the boy she dreamed of night after night. I was ice cold and pale white, my skin was as hard as diamonds and my heart no longer beat in my chest. My strength was such that I could kill her with a kiss too passionate or a hug too forceful. In her dreams, the man she loved was pink cheeked, green eyed and filled with laughter. He kissed her enthusiastically, he spun her round and round the dance floor until they couldn't breath and he could have given her the children I knew she dreamed about having.

I stopped following her then, not wanting to intrude on her private, loving thoughts of another. Not wanting to feel the flash of jealousy that raged through me at her words when I realized her heart could never be mine, as it already belonged to Edward Masen, who was long gone from her life and would never return. Elizabeth could not move on if I stayed near her. That was obvious to me now. Somehow she sensed me and all the old memories were resurfacing with my presence.

My mind was made up. I, Edward Cullen, needed to leave Chicago, to leave Elizabeth for her sake. Without my presence, the memories would start to fade and one day Elizabeth would meet the special someone who would share her life with her. She shouldn't be alone, she was made for loving. I needed to do this for her. I would never forget her, she would always be in my heart but I felt comforted knowing that one day she would smile again, would laugh again, she would love again.

That evening, I headed up north to hunt larger game. I was going back to Carlisle and Esme and I would need to be well fed to make it back to them on the diet of small animals that would be available for a large part of the journey. I had an urge to hunt grizzly bear; something that would fight back, a challenge.

I had been gone for several hours and was feeling sloshily full. I ran past the clearing where I had first seen her, on my way to her home. I wanted to look at her one last time before I left. I wanted to say my own private farewell to her while she was sleeping and I wanted to whisper to her to move on and forget me, to find the love of her life. I was thinking maybe her subconscious would hear and think it was my ghost.

The scent of her hit me full force and I could hear the muffled sound of her sobbing. I skidded to a stop. What the hell was she doing here so late at night?

I crept closer and saw that she was sitting on the ground, her legs pulled up and her arms were wrapped around them, crying as if her heart was broken. In my distraction, I stood on a twig and the sound of it snapping caused her head to fly up. Her eyes frantically searched the clearing, seeing nothing, of course. She jumped to her feet and in a panic started running towards her home.

I started to follow her when I spotted a piece of paper caught on a branch and fluttering in the gentle breeze whispering through the trees.

I went over and gently released the paper from its spindly jailer. The paper was stained with tears. I turned it over with shaking fingers and what I saw there made my heart ache for her anew. The paper held the piano score for Claire de Lune and beneath it was written –

My Dearest Elizabeth,

I yearn for us to be together and to move forward with this life we have been dreaming of. I will soon be 18 and my parents will no longer have any control over my life. Hold onto those dreams my sweet Liz for just a little while longer and we will be as one for ever.

I am playing this piece on Saturday at the concert and I will be thinking of you.

You are in my heart forever

Your E

I hovered in the clearing, torn up about what to do next. I was certain now that I had made the right decision. Elizabeth needed to let me go. She couldn't continue this way, it wasn't good for her. She would make herself ill. But there was the other part of me, the part that wanted to go to her, to comfort and hold her.

I would follow through with my plan. But first, I would follow her home to make sure she arrived safely, and then I would leave once she was asleep and I had whispered to her to forget me. It was the right thing to do.

I was moving in the direction I had seen her running, when I heard a strangled cry and then a thump when she hit the ground hard. Without thinking and in a panic at what I would find, I rushed towards the sound and saw Elizabeth crumpled in a heap in the middle of a pile of leaves, a small bruise on her forehead where her head lay on the exposed rock. Her eyes were closed but I could hear her heart beating strongly. Scared, I leaned down and picked her up in my arms, cradling her into my chest, calling her name over and over.

Her mind was the first thing to alert me that all was well. She thought she was asleep and dreaming of me holding her in the meadow. Elizabeth kept her face pressed against me and breathed in deeply as if to take me inside her, "Edward," she whispered, "why are you so cold?"I nearly dropped her.

She slowly raised her head from the folds of my coat, her soft hair brushing against me. It was my turn to take a deep breath. She moved tentatively, as if afraid of what she might see, and then, in disbelief, she raised her shaking hand and touched my cheek softly, as if she thought I was not real.

She gasped and moved her fingers slightly away before replacing them more firmly and running her fingers over my face. I leaned into her hand and closed my eyes and gloried in the touch of her fingertips tracing over my cheek, and then my eyes, my jaw and then finally my lips. The reality of her touching me was more intense than I could ever have imagined. I did not want to let her go. Ever!

She whispered, "E…you're here. You're real. How can that be? When I saw you in the tree the other day, I thought I was imagining things. Are you a ghost? Are you an angel?"

I just stared at her; I did not know what to say. I tightened my hold on her then and hugged her closer to me. I forgot for the moment what I was and the decisions I had made and joy filled my heart. She was in my arms, she loves me and I love her and we were together again.

Then with a pang to my heart, I remembered, and wondered what the hell I was going to do now. How was I going to explain to Elizabeth that I wasn't a ghost or an angel; that I am, in fact, a vampire and I am leaving for her own good?

She started to shiver against me and I held her away from my body so she wouldn't freeze. She tried to burrow back against me, so I put her feet back onto the ground and stepped away, still holding her hands in mine. I lifted them and kissed her fingertips and then the palms of each hand before placing them against my chest against my heart. Now that I had found her, I couldn't let her go.

"You remembered," she whispered, while thoughts of me doing the same thing when I was alive and human, both of us sitting at my piano, crossed her mind.

"Elizabeth, I am not a ghost."

She looked at me in confusion and said, "Edward, you are dead. I have been to your grave many times. You are so cold and pale, of course you are a ghost!"

I stumbled over what to tell her and she started shivering in earnest now, the breeze through the trees much cooler than before. My delay in answering her extended and Elizabeth started to wonder whether she was going mad. I couldn't let her think that.

"Elizabeth, I have a lot to tell you, but it is getting so late and it is so cold out here. I am going to escort you home. We can meet tomorrow and then we can talk some more."

She shook her head vigorously and I looked at her in dismay. She was becoming quite agitated at the situation. She was petrified of being crazy and seeing things but more scared of losing me again if what she was seeing was real.

"E, I am afraid if I leave now, you will disappear and I will never see you again. I can't go on without you. I have missed you so much."

"Elizabeth, it will be alright. I am not going anywhere. I promise you that I will meet you at the clearing in the morning. I will be waiting for you and we can talk then. I will explain everything."

Elizabeth nodded hesitantly then. I clasped her hand in mine and walked her back to her house. It was in darkness and I wondered again what she was doing out so late by herself. I was too caught up with coming upon her crying that I had paid no attention to why. I would ask her tomorrow.

She turned to me then, and in her low throaty voice whispered, "Edward, I love you!"

I felt my heart swell with those words and I pressed my lips against her forehead and I said fervently, "I love you too, Elizabeth."

She turned slightly and opened the door, never once looking away from me.

"I will be there, I promise you."

She nodded once more, stepped quietly through the front door and then she was gone from my sight but not from my senses. Her scent had permeated my shirt and jacket and I took a deep breath in to savour her some more.

I felt a little guilty for what had just happened. I did, but mostly I wanted to shout out loud at the sheer joy of hearing Elizabeth's thoughts as she leaned on the other side of the door. For the first time since I had first seen her, her thoughts were about me.

"_Am I crazy? Did that actually happen? Oh, Edward, my heart is racing from your touch. I'm not crazy. You are not in my imagination. I could feel you and it felt so good to have your arms wrapped around me, your cool lips on my skin. I felt so safe, so loved in your arms. My darling, you came back to me." _

I could hear her tiptoeing up the stairs to her room, her mind racing with all that she had seen. She shut the door and raced to her window looking out to where she had left me, but I had vanished into the shadows to watch and think.

She stood staring out the window for a while, thinking of me and how I had changed before wandering to her bed. She had noticed my golden eyes, my pale skin and how cold it was to the touch. She had noticed the changes in my face. According to her thoughts, my jaw was more defined now and my cheekbones more prominent. She wondered why that was and why I had told her I wasn't a ghost. What else could I be, she wondered? But then again, she thought ghosts were not solid and she could definitely feel me. She shrugged her shoulders realizing that all she knew about ghosts was from the movies and it was all made up anyway. Finally sleep overtook her and her mind was silent once more.

I wandered back to the clearing slowly, thinking about all that had happened tonight. There was no way I was going to leave now, no way that I could leave. I was in love and I was loved in return. I couldn't wait to see her again. I wouldn't move from this spot until we were together once again. There had to be a way. I would not stop until I found it.

**End Note: **

**Thank you for reading.**

**Chapter 8 is finished and with beans827 for checking… **

**I have a blog now and I have posted pictures and teasers etc from all my stories - www(dot)edwardsisobel(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Reviews make the world go round.**


	8. Chapter 8 Real

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beans827, bb and twin, I guess I didn't do so well on my grammar again! So, thank you for fixing my stuff as always.**

**Beans827 and I have been working on collaboration for the Dr Jekyll and Mr Cullen contest which should be posted soon on FF so keep an eye out for it; it is called The Duality of Man.**

**The first part of this chapter is a BPOV of Carlisle's visit to Bella's room from Chapter 5, so it might be a good idea to check out Chapter 5 again before reading, but not necessary.**

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Real**

See, blossoms, branches, fruit, leaves I have brought,  
And then my heart that for you only sighs;  
With those white hands of yours, oh, tear it not,  
But let the poor gift prosper in your eyes.

The dew upon my hair is still undried,—  
The morning wind strikes chilly where it fell.  
Suffer my weariness here at your side  
To dream the hour that shall it quite dispel.

Allow my head, that rings and echoes still  
With your last kiss, to lie upon your breast,  
Till it recover from the stormy thrill,—  
And let me sleep a little, since you rest

_(Paul Verlaine, "Green", translation of __Aquarelles__ )_

From Chapter 6 -

_On Friday, I walked with trepidation into the biology lab. I had not seen him anywhere so far this week but if he was around then he would be here. The seat beside mine was empty. I breathed a sigh of relief before I realized what him not being here meant. I must have imagined him after all. I felt very scared then that something was really wrong with me._

**Forks – January 2005**

**BPOV**

"I am not crazy, I am not crazy," I muttered under my breath, not really believing it for a minute.

I had to have been having a hallucination the other day; a very real looking hallucination. I better get Charlie to take me to the doctor for a check-up. Maybe I really did have a brain tumor. Just when I had almost talked myself into a state of near hysteria, Mr Banner walked up to me and said, "Isabella, it looks like you will be on your own today. Edward is out sick again. Can you handle the assignment on your own or would you like to join one of the other groups?"

"Edward…" I stuttered, confused. He _was_ real? I wasn't crazy?

"Yes, Isabella, Edward is out today. Would you like to join Mike's group to finish the experiment?"

"Uh…no, I will be okay," I mumbled, hardly paying him any attention.

All I could think about was that the young man was real. I was not hallucinating. Someone had been sitting there. This Edward: my E from my dreams? Could it be possible? Now I had more questions. Was I psychic? Had I had a premonition that I would meet him? Was that why he was so familiar to me? If I had a premonition, then why was the E in my dreams from the long ago past? Suddenly, I was missing the idea that he was a hallucination. This somehow seemed worse. What was wrong with me?

Mr Banner interrupted my thoughts by asking me a question. I had not been paying attention and blushed furiously. I put Edward out of my head and concentrated on my work for the rest of class. The bell rang and as I moved to walk out of the door, Mike Newton sidled up to me.

"Hey Bella, bet you're glad Cullen didn't show up. Did you guys have an argument or something the other day? He left in a real temper."

I started with surprise. "Cullen?" I looked confused. The boy was not one of the four I had seen the other day.

"Yeah…Edward Cullen…your lab partner."

"Oh. Uh no, I didn't even speak to him. I have no idea what his problem was."

"Cullen is a freak. Too bad you have to be his lab partner and not mine."

Mike's words made me inexplicably angry, "Edward is not a freak. He must not have been feeling well the other day and had to leave. He has been sick the rest of the week, you know."

I turned my back on the little creep and walked out of the lab to go to my next class.

So, Edward was a Cullen too. Now that I thought about it, he did look like them. All of the Cullens were very pale and all had dark eyes. Although didn't Jessica say they were not related? He certainly was beautiful enough to fit in with the Cullens. In fact, I thought he was the most attractive man I had ever laid eyes on.

I sighed wistfully. He was way too attractive to be interested in the likes of me, outside of my fantasies.

Like every night lately, I dreamt of Edward Cullen again that night. He was the E of my dreams. We were back in the early 20's again. Edward was in a 3 piece suit and me in another long, drop-waist dress, dark midnight blue this time.

This time we were in the middle of a field of flowers on a blanket. I could see the remains of a picnic heaped into a picnic basket. I was lying on my stomach next to E, propped up on my elbows, and he was lying on his back on the blanket, his head tilted up slightly and resting on his rolled up coat. He was reading to me from Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. The sound of his beautiful voice sending shivers down my spine.

I was tracing his features with the petals of a flower. Every time I gently skimmed the petals across his lips, he would take my hand and gently place a kiss on my wrist before continuing.

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"

Just then I felt a bee sting my finger and I became distracted from E's words for a moment.

E turned to face me and was looking at me so intensely; his green eyes burned into mine. He reached across then and softly touched my cheek with the backs of his fingers. I shivered in response. His green eyes narrowed and he ran his fingertips over my lips. They parted in response and he leaned closer to me and placed a butterfly kiss on the side of my mouth. I moaned at the contact and closed my eyes savouring the feel of his mouth on mine, even if just briefly.

Edward rolled onto his elbow and moved closer to me, the length of his body pressing against my side. His feet, his legs, his thighs and his chest were all touching my body and I could feel the heat of him through my clothes. His left hand raised and he stroked my lips briefly, before tracing the rest of my face with his warm fingertips.

When he had finished committing each feature to memory, his hand dipped around the base of my neck and he pulled my face closer towards his. He dropped another butterfly peck on me before fully kissing my waiting lips, his firm against mine. I thought I had died and gone to heaven until the tip of his tongue peeked out of his mouth and he ran it along the seam of my lips begging entrance, and then, I was sure of it.

I moaned with the intensity of the feelings Edward's tongue had caused to sweep through me. We had never kissed like this before. The few stolen kisses we had shared before paled in comparison to what we were sharing now. As soon as my lips parted, Edwards tongue darted in and tangled with mine.

Desire for him blossomed through me and sensations I had never felt before surfaced. My nipples felt tight and hard and my breasts felt heavy against my dress. My hip burned with the heat of Edward's manhood pressed against me and I fought the urge to turn over and press my own heated core to him. I was burning for him.

Eventually, he pulled back from the kiss and I felt bereft. That was until he picked up my bee-stung finger and softly kissed the tip before sliding it halfway into his mouth and sucking gently.

I moaned at the sensation of my finger in his mouth. I could feel his warm tongue wrapped around my digit and the gentle suction as he drew it further in. He released my finger slowly from his mouth and then held my hand as he leaned down and teased my mouth again with another little butterfly kiss.

I sighed into his mouth, "Edward, kiss me again."

A chill wind blew through my room and I awoke with a start and sat up in bed, wildly looking around the room. That's strange, I thought. The window isn't open and I wondered where the draft had come from.

The remnants of the dream stuck with me and I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. In frustration, I turned on my light and pawed through my books sitting on the floor next to my bed until I found Romeo and Juliet and read for the next few hours.

I couldn't stop thinking about my dream Edward and how utterly sexy he had sounded reading Romeo and Juliet out loud to me. The dreams I was having were becoming so much more vivid since I had met him in real life as were the feelings of arousal they provoked in me. In my dream, when E had pressed his body against mine, I could swear his erection against my hip was real, and I pressed my hand against my hip in search of it again. My hands drifted unconsciously up my body and I ghosted my fingertips over my nipples. I shivered at the sensation. I quickly leaned over and snapped off the light and slid down under my covers.

I closed my eyes and thought about Edward's warm fingers tracing over my face and imagined those same long digits continuing to stroke further down my body. Under the warmth of the covers, I slid my own hands down my chest before cupping my aching breasts and gently squeezed before pulling on my nipples. As I did so, an answering sensation swept through my core and I groaned.

My fingers skimmed down my stomach and under the edge of my sleep shorts. I cupped my sex with my hand and had just pressed down against the little bundle of nerves with the heel of my hand when I heard Charlie's door open down the hall and his loud stomping pass my door on his way to the bathroom. My hands flew above the covers reflexively and I groaned before sitting up in bed.

Charlie stopped outside the bathroom door and called out, "You okay in there, Bells?"

My cheeks reddened in complete and utter mortification. Charlie had almost caught me touching myself!

"Ah…yeah, Dad. Just kicked my toe getting out of bed."

"This is early for you Bells. It's only 6am. Oh, by the way, I am heading out soon to go fishing with Harry Clearwater."

He poked his head in my door and shook his head in puzzlement, "Weren't you getting out of bed?"

"Changed my mind. Didn't realize how early it was. Hope you have a good time fishing with Harry," I babbled out, wondering if this morning could get any worse.

"What are you up to today, Bells?"

"Nothing much, doing a little washing, finishing up some homework, that sort of thing. And I want to go to the store to pick up some more paper and pencils since I haven't drawn anything for a while."

"I'll see you later then. Maybe we'll grab a bite to eat at the diner tonight?

"Sure Dad. See ya!"

It was Saturday morning and the weekend stretched before me interminably. I ended up getting out of bed early anyway after Charlie left and jumped into the shower; the water as cold as I could stand it. When I entered the shower stall, my cheeks had still felt like they were burning and the rest of my body felt overheated as well. Feeling much refreshed after my invigorating shower, I went downstairs to get myself some breakfast.

After cleaning up the kitchen, I ran back upstairs tripping over my own feet as usual and landing heavily on my hands and knees at the top of the stairs. Note to self: running is hazardous to your health especially on stairs. I tidied my room and grabbed my laundry basket and hauled it downstairs to catch up on the week's worth of washing.

I opened the hamper lid and reached in to extract the first pile of clothes to sort. I had to lean further into the basket than I should, as I fully expected the clothes to be crammed in to the top of the basket. I shrugged my shoulders, thinking that maybe Charlie had done a load of washing earlier in the week. I hoped not, shuddering at the thought of my Dad piling my clothes into the washing machine and worse, folding them.

I started sorting through my clothes then, separating them into piles when I realized with dismay that some items I had worn only yesterday were missing from the hamper. What was exceptionally strange was that the satin bra I had worn was there but not the matching blue satin panties. I couldn't find my favorite white t-shirt either and what the hell, where were my yoga pants? I looked around the laundry room at the pile of folded clothes on the counter. Confused, I could only see Charlie's clothes and none of mine

I went back upstairs and searched the bathroom and my bedroom for the missing items. I even searched under my bed but I couldn't find them anywhere. I tried to remember my actions from last night but I knew that after getting home from school, I had taken off my jeans and white t-shirt and my favorite hoodie, which I realized was also missing, and placed them in the hamper before putting on my yoga gear.

After finishing up the gentle yoga movements and feeling relaxed, I had taken a quick shower and fixed dinner for Charlie and me. I had been feeling tired from the slew of sleepless nights during the week and had come to my room right after dinner and got into my sleep shorts and my old, comfy sleepy shirt. I definitely remember placing all of my clothes in the hamper before tumbling into bed, sleep claiming me soon after.

I sat up straight from my place on the floor next to the bed. A shiver passed up my spine as I remembered the breeze that had woken me up early this morning. Had someone been in my room while I was asleep? Oh my God! Someone had broken into the house, come in to my room while I was asleep and taken my sweaty yoga pants and worn panties! Pervert!

I wondered if it had been that creepy Mike Newton? He _had_ followed me around all week. I shuddered and became suddenly conscious that I was alone in the house.

I went downstairs and checked the locks on the doors and made sure the windows were all secure. What should I do? I didn't want to tell Charlie. He would go all super protective of me and drag all the boys from school in for questioning. I giggled then, slightly amused at the thought of Charlie interrogating each boy about the whereabouts of my pretty satin panties.

Until I realized that is exactly what he would probably do. No way was I was telling Charlie then. I would just have to make sure the house was locked securely whenever I was alone and especially at night. In the meantime, I was going to avoid Mike like he had the plague.

By lunchtime, I had finished all the chores and my homework and made myself an egg salad sandwich. I grabbed the keys to the truck and ventured out to the store to pick up my art supplies. As I drove past the camping supply store, Mike Newton was out the front sweeping the pathway. As soon as he saw my truck, he started waving at me vigorously and I quickly pretended I was on a call on my cell.

I found the supplies that I needed and drove back home, going the long way around to avoid Newton's. I couldn't figure out why Jessica was so into Mike. I supposed he was okay looking but, in my opinion, he was very bland. I just wished he would stop following me around for two reasons: firstly, it was just plain annoying and secondly, Jessica would hopefully return to her normal self if he paid attention to her instead of me. Her friendly demeanour towards me at the start of the week had deteriorated as the week went on, in direct response to the attention he was paying me.

I parked my truck in the drive and called out to Charlie as I entered through the door. He was back from fishing and was now in the living room watching the game on TV. I sat in the recliner for a few minutes watching with him before I got antsy and told him I was going to my room to draw. He didn't look up from the TV, but waved his hand to me as I left the room. That's what I liked best about Charlie, he didn't hover.

I unpacked all of the supplies I had bought, placing them on my desk ready to start. I searched around the room until I located my backpack and then extracted my iPod to listen to while I was drawing. I popped in the ear buds and scrolled through until I found some old classics. A little bit of Ella should get me in the right frame of mind.

I wanted to draw Edward from the dreams I had been having all week, so that I could keep them with me always. I closed my eyes and thought back. First, I captured the image of Edward at the piano deep in concentration, then the image of his face as he told me that he loved me. My fingers flew over the paper capturing image after image. In one that I had done in colour, his startling green eyes looked back at me. In another, his eyes were dark with passion, as he stared at me from the far side of the lab table.

I stopped drawing then, remembering that look. The passion in his eyes had sent tingles running down my spine and I had ached to reach out and touch him, bold as in my dreams. I snorted. Yeah right, Swan. As if the beautiful Edward Cullen would feel passion towards me, a plain Jane. Obviously, my inexperienced eyes had mistaken the beginnings of his illness for passion.

Edward had been away from school for the rest of the week and I had started to get very worried about him. I hoped that he was okay. My imagination started running overtime, so after about a minute, I had convinced myself that he was probably dying from some incurable disease instead of the flu which was what he probably had.

I wanted to go and check on Edward but that was crazy. Firstly, he didn't actually know me and it would be a little bit weird turning up on his doorstep and demanding to know if he was dying or not. Secondly, I had no idea where he lived.

I talked myself into thinking rationally eventually and dropped off into a troubled sleep.

**EPOV**

I was so caught up in my memories of Elizabeth that I had not even realized that my family had returned to the house, until I heard Carlisle talking to Jasper downstairs. Carlisle was telling Jasper that he was going to start the process of increasing my tolerance to Bella's blood soon and wondered if it would be better for Jasper not to be present in the house while this was happening, in case, he felt uncomfortable around the human blood.

I could hear Jasper's thought processes working overtime at this suggestion and after coming to a decision, he discussed it with Carlisle.

"Carlisle, I've been thinking. This process might help me as well, you know. Some days it is harder to be around people than others and I am still very worried that if someone cuts themselves close to me and starts to bleed, I will not be able to stop myself from attacking and killing them."

"Jasper, I think that's an excellent idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. Obviously being around humans at the school has provided you with the ability to restrain yourself, but it's true; these humans hurt themselves far too often for comfort."

"Maybe I can do something similar to Edward. Not necessarily with Bella's blood, as something tells me that he might be feeling a little possessive about it. What do you think?"

Carlisle lowered his voice until I could barely hear it. It had obviously slipped his mind that I would be able to hear what he was thinking, no volume controls there.

"I agree with you about Bella's blood. I don't think he will be open to sharing it for this process. He seems very taken with her. Why don't you and Alice go away somewhere nice for the rest of the weekend? I will get some blood from the blood bank on Monday and we can get started with the same process for you then."

I could hear Jasper agree with Carlisle and then call out to Alice to pack light, as they were going away for a romantic night away. Of course, she was already in her room, suitcase out. I shut out Alice's thoughts of all the lingerie she was packing as I really didn't need to see that right now. Just before I tuned out though, she giggled, and then replaced all of her packed lingerie with all blue satin ones. Witch!

I lay back on the couch again and inhaled deeply of Bella's scent while I listened to the sounds of the family around the house, and their thoughts while doing so. Jasper was talking to Rosalie and Emmett in the garage about Jaspers decision to try to become more tolerant of human blood with Carlisle's help. Emmett couldn't help himself and asked whether Carlisle was going panty hunting for him too. Alice smacked Emmett in the arm and I heard Carlisle call out to behave or they would all be grounded. I snickered.

Emmett unfortunately heard me and called out, "Eddie, don't think we don't know what you were doing with your little human's panties while we were out! We could smell it as soon as we came through the door."

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett, or…."

Before I could finish hurling insults at Emmett, I heard Esme's shocked gasp.

"Edward?"

Feeling as immature as any normal 17 year old boy, I mumbled sheepishly, "I'm sorry, Esme, that was very rude of me."

Esme's normally warm tones were crisp with annoyance, "Edward, I understand you have been under a lot of strain this last week, but I've never heard you talk like that before. If you weren't already in your room, I would send you there for the rest of the weekend."

Emmett snickered this time and he then bore the brunt of Esme's disappointment, "Emmett Cullen, you wipe that smirk off your face and go straight to your room. No playstation for you this weekend."

I couldn't help but smile at Esme's thoughts. She had been very upset with us by her tone of voice, but inside she was smiling at our antics and the chance it gave her to be our mom.

Emmett stomped up the stairs and threw himself on the bed, the metal legs groaning. He was there for all of 1 minute before I heard Rosalie's cell phone ring. She chuckled to herself, ignoring the phone as she kept working on her car.

Esme had wandered back into the kitchen and sat at the table absorbed with designs for a holiday house that Carlisle had purchased for her on an island in the Pacific.

I heard Carlisle return to his study after Jasper and Alice had pulled out of the driveway and could hear him spinning the lock on his safe. I tensed up, worried about this next step, and took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

I could smell a slight trace of Bella's blood as soon as Carlisle started up the stairs to my room and by the time he knocked on my door, venom had started pooling in my mouth. I swallowed before calling out to him to come in and as he did so, the smell of Bella's blood hit me full force, burning my throat. I could see my face in Carlisle's mind: my nostrils were flared, my eyes wild, the muscles in my neck were tensed and my fingers were clenched around the edge of the couch beside my legs.

Carlisle stopped just inside the door and over the clamors of my body to get closer to Bella's blood, I could hear his mind processing what he had just seen. He couldn't remember seeing me this worked up over human blood since I was a newborn.

"Are you okay, Edward?" he asked hesitantly. "Do you want to put this off until later?"

I shook my head no, as I pursed my lips closed and stopped breathing. The panic started to recede slightly as the burn eased in my throat. Carlisle walked slowly up to me and sat next to me on the couch. I couldn't take my eyes off the small square of linen he held in his hand and the bright red stain of blood almost centred on the cloth.

"Edward, I think the feelings you are currently experiencing will dim fairly quickly with enough exposure to Bella's blood. Maybe you need to distract yourself for a while until the burning eases."

He patted my shoulder, pushed the linen into my shirt pocket and left the room. I sat as still as a statue for an hour holding my breath and staring down at the edge of the linen poking over the top of the pocket. Distract myself. How the hell was I going to distract myself enough to stop wanting to pull out the linen and drag my tongue over the blood staining it? I slowly opened my mouth and inhaled shallowly. The burn was still there, but Carlisle was right, it was not quite as bad as before.

I stood up from the couch and reached under it to pull out my memento box hidden there. I sat back down once I had retrieved it and traced my fingers over the inlaid checkerboard panel on the top of the box. Elizabeth had given it to me as a present, when she met me in our clearing the morning after we had discovered each other again in 1927.

I realized that the simple act of standing and retrieving the box had focused my mind on something other than the blood and while it was still burning my throat, it had eased a little more. My spirits lifted with that thought and with new determination to overcome this obstacle, I opened the lid.

I reverently picked up the mementos that my soul mate had given me over the years, holding each lovingly for a time in my hands. I retained the first memento I had received from her almost 80 years ago. Elizabeth had given it to me with the box.

**End Note:**

**Thank you for reading. Being a very new writer to the twilight fandom, reviews really do make my world go round.**

**Chapter 9 is finished and being beta'd right now**


	9. Chapter 9 Romance

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you as always to my beta and bb, beans827, you do a wonderful job and I am so happy that I had a lot more paragraphs without little red marks this time….hopefully that means I am learning something.**

**Sorry for taking so long to post yet again. RL just got in the way and then my laptop died painfully in my arms. I will try to get back to weekly updates.**

**Thank you to my Twilighted Validation Beta's:**

**Twilighted Supervisory Beta: qjmom**

**Twilighted Validation Beta: Laura Cullen**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Romance**

_Mystical singing-birds,_

_Romances without words,_

_Dear, because your eyes_

_The shade of skies,_

_Because your voice, strange_

_Vision that will derange,_

_Troubling the horizon_

_Of my reason,_

_Because the rare perfume_

_Of your swanlike paleness,_

_Because the innocence_

_Of your fragrance,_

_Ah, because all your being,_

_Music so piercing,_

_Clouds of lost angels,_

_Tones and scents,_

_Has by soft cadences_

_With its correspondences,_

_Lured my subtle heart, Oh_

_Let it be so!_

_(Paul Verlaine, "To Clymene", translation of A Clymene)_

From Chapter 8-

_I reverently picked up the mementos that my soul mate had given me over the years, holding each lovingly for a time in my hands. I retained the first memento I had received from her almost 80 years ago. Elizabeth had given it to me with the box._

**Chicago – August 1927**

**EPOV**

For the remainder of the dawn hours, as I waited for morning to bring Elizabeth to me, I thought about the revelation that we had loved each other when I was alive. I felt saddened that I had absolutely no clear memories of being with her when I was human, only the fragments of what I thought had been daydreams of her and her memories relayed to me like a talkie I couldn't remember making.

When I brought to mind each of the daydreams I had had, there was nothing very clear, just more images of her face and the feeling of her nearness. The most vivid dreams had been of her sitting next to me while I was playing the piano and of us in my meadow where I had first pictured her. I was thankful that in my obsession, I had been going to see her one last time before returning to Carlisle and Esme or else I would have never discovered the truth that no matter what I had become, she was everything to me.

In my mind, I went over and over all the scenarios about what I should tell her. At the moment, she knew I was not alive but thought I was a ghost or an angel. I briefly toyed with the idea of letting her think I was a ghost, surely that was better than telling her I was a vampire. _Wasn't it?_ I thought of the vampire novels and that vampire movie, _Nosferatu_ which had come out a few years ago, all written in the horror genre, right out of someone's nightmares. _Nosferatu_ even scared me and I was one of the 'un-dead'.

Would her feelings for me change once I told her that I had been turned into a vampire all those years ago? I wasn't like the vampires that were portrayed in fiction, but I had been once. I had killed before in uncontrolled lust for blood when I was a newborn. What if she was repulsed by me?

Of course she would be repulsed if she knew the truth. I was technically dead. I have no heartbeat, I don't need to breathe and I drink the blood of animals in order to survive. What was there to love about that? What could come of pursuing Elizabeth? My inhuman strength, my venom, my need for blood, all of these things made a relationship with her impossible.

Elizabeth deserved so much more. I remembered why I was leaving Chicago last night - Elizabeth deserved a man who could touch her without fear, who could kiss her without reservation, who could make love to her passionately, someone that was able to give her a child and that she could grow old with. I could do none of these things. One little mistake from me and she would be crushed. She would be dead in seconds.

I didn't think I could handle seeing the love Elizabeth had for me written all over her face change to fear and loathing for what I was. It would be better for her to think she had seen my ghost and leave her with fond memories of me rather than the brutal reality.

My mind made up, I stood up from the ground, brushed off the leaves and dirt clinging to my trousers and left the clearing. I hadn't gone far when I heard the sound of running footsteps and Elizabeth's thoughts. She was almost there.

"_Edward, please, please be there. Please let this not be a dream. I need you. I love you, I love you, I love you."_

I faltered at her words and almost turned back. Then, with the thought of her death being caused by my own hands in my mind, I strengthened my resolve and shoved my selfish longings aside. I walked swiftly until I was invisible to anyone in the clearing. I should have kept going, but foolishly, I drew out my suffering and the pain of leaving her by staying to see her one last time. I stayed out of her sight, high up in the trees, devouring every inch of her to store in my mind for eternity.

She was so beautiful. Her long brown hair was loose over her shoulders and her chiffon dress was moulded to her frame by the breeze as she ran to meet me. As always, her very essence called to me. I had to stop my automatic response to go to her as my fingers tightened on the branch holding me still.

Once Elizabeth reached the clearing where we had arranged to meet, her eyes started scanning the surrounding area frantically when she didn't immediately see me waiting for her as I had promised. I felt every bit like the heel that I was. She stopped in the center of the clearing then and inhaled deeply. I was startled by her thoughts.

"_Edward. He's here. It wasn't a dream. Oh my God, he smells so good!"_

_She can sense me, how the hell?_

Elizabeth's musical voice called out to me. "Edward, I know you're there. Please don't be afraid."

Afraid! I was petrified. I longed to swoop down to her and gather her into my arms. But I was frozen in place, picturing all of the horrible things that could happen to her if I moved towards her as I so desperately wanted.

Elizabeth waited in place for what seemed like an eternity. When she heard nothing, she finally dropped to the ground. She placed the wooden box she had been carrying onto her lap and started to trace the inlay with her fingertips, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"When I got home last night, I thought at first I had been hallucinating. It seemed too wonderful, too unbelievable to be true. I thought it could not have been possible to see you again, to feel your arms around me. But I know what I saw. I know what I felt and most of all, your delicious scent was all over my clothes. I slept without nightmares for the first time in 9 years because I fell asleep in my clothes surrounded by your very essence."

I gasped and I felt myself leaning towards her, my fingers outstretched as if to touch her. Impossible! I drew back, my hands clenching with the strain of holding myself back from her, my resolve wavering.

"Your essence is here in this clearing, Edward. I know you were here waiting for me. I know you are still here watching me. I can feel your eyes on me right now. Why won't you let me see you? "

The urge to run to her, to be with her was so strong within me, I nearly snapped the tree in which I was hiding in half with the force of my hands pressing into it_. Be strong. Remember that one wrong move and she is dead! _The woods around us were eerily silent except for the beating of Elizabeth's heart. I had scared off all the little woodland creatures. They knew instinctively what a predator I was. Elizabeth did not.

"Whatever you have to tell me, it will be okay. Edward, please…I need you. You don't know what it has been like these last nine years without you. I wanted to die myself after you died. I have been so lost."

My heart ached at her words, at the pain she projected at me through her memories. I could literally feel the anguish emanating from her in waves when her mother informed her that I had died of the Spanish Influenza. She had barely moved from her room for many months, a shell of her former self. She would not talk to her father, and she refused to see her friends. She was in a cocoon of pain, wrapped tightly in her misery.

I descended slowly down the tree until my feet touched the ground. I wrapped my arms around the trunk and pressed the side of my face against the bark, all the time watching her from the distance. I wanted to go to her, to stop these horrible memories and replace them with new ones. I was able to stay in place only by the realization that it wouldn't be E in these new memories. E was gone forever and in his place was me, a vampire, a monster. She did not deserve that.

"Edward, I know you are not the same as you were. You died. That changes a man. I don't care. I love you, the very core of you, your goodness, your caring nature. You have always protected me and you always will. I know that. I know the love you feel for me hasn't changed. I could tell in the gentleness of your arms around me, the wonder in your eyes when you held me. Don't be afraid…please! No matter what you tell me, my feelings for you will never change. I will always love you and only you."

_Could it be true? Could she still love me once she knows the truth? _

I searched her thoughts and it was true. In her mind, I could see me as she had last night: my deathly pale skin, my golden eyes, my icy touch, my rock hard skin. Her fingers as they traced lovingly over my face. My eyes as they closed in rapture at her touch. She had not been repulsed by my changed body. She loved me and accepted me as I was. It was my dream.

"Please don't let anything else come between us. We managed to find a way to be together even though our parents tried to stop us. You are here even though death tried to claim you. We are meant to be, Edward. You own my soul and I yours. Please don't fight it."

Her words wove a spell around me as I slowly untangled my arms from the tree and moved with measured steps towards her. I was filled with wonder for her capacity to love, her ability to accept me for who I am. The love I felt for her in that moment was overwhelming.

I watched her face warily as I approached, apprehension coiled tightly in my gut at what I had to tell her. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and a tentative smile hovered over her mouth. She stood up when I entered the clearing and I stopped just before I reached her, my eyes searching hers avidly.

I wished I could tell her that I was a ghost. Somehow that didn't seem so scary, but I didn't want to be less than honest with her. We had come so far and she deserved nothing less than the truth. I took one of her hands in mine and I raised it to my mouth. I pressed my cold, hard lips against her soft warm fingers and sighed, knowing that this would probably be the last time I would see her, feel her. I lowered her hand slowly but retained it in mine, gently rubbing circles on her palm with the pad of my thumb.

"Elizabeth, there are things about me that you need to know. Things that make it impossible to resume what we had before. I am not what you think. I am truly dangerous for you to be around. It would be better for you if I were to leave now and for you to move on with your life and be safe."

Her eyes filled with tears at my words but her inner resolve strengthened. She tugged me closer to her with the hand that I held and I let her. I was so close to her now that our shoes touched. I closed my eyes trying to gather myself for what I had to say to her. I inhaled her scent deeply and my resolve to stay away for her safety weakened a little more. She tugged her hands free from mine and I released her fingers slowly, pining for her touch instantly.

Her thoughts bombarded me and I winced at the force of her determination. "_Fight for us, damn it… fight for me."_

I opened my eyes when I felt the warmth of her palm gently cup my face and I leaned into it, placing my own hand over hers, holding her to me. Her other hand reached up and cupped my other cheek. She leaned closer to me and fought hard for what she wanted.

"Edward Anthony Masen, you have no right to make a decision about what is right for me. You are right for me. I know that, I have always known that. You used to know it too. Whatever it is that you have to tell me, we will work it out. Fate brought us back together for a reason. You can't give up on us. I won't let you."

I couldn't help but smile at her. She was magnificent; this little lamb scolding a dangerous lion. She was so brave. All of my barriers crumbled at that moment and I knew I couldn't let her down. I could do this, I could be gentle. I just had to try. I would try like there was nothing more important in my life. And there wasn't. I had come to Chicago to find out about my past, but I never expected to find my future as well.

"Elizabeth, you are my life now. I will never let you go."

Without thought, my hands were in her hair, gently tugging her closer as my lips sought hers instinctively. They were warm, so warm and soft, and I pressed my cold lips carefully against them. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her trembling body pressed along my length. I pulled back and looked deep into her eyes. She was not afraid, she was trembling with relief.

My fingers slid down her arms and I took her hands in mine.

"Let's walk, Elizabeth. I have a lot to tell you."

She nodded her head, squeezed my hand and picked up the wooden box she had been carrying with her free hand. As we turned towards Lake Michigan on the outskirts of Chicago, I began the story of my new life. As we walked, hand in hand, I told her of my time in the hospital and how I lay dying, my mothers' deathbed plea for the doctor, Carlisle Cullen, to save my life and his actions. How he had bitten me to save me, the pain of the change, how my heart had stopped beating and I had been reborn as I am now. I explained how most of my memories from the time before the change had been lost.

I had yet to name what I was and Elizabeth was puzzling over my words when she directed me through the trees and into a meadow so like the one where I first imagined her. We walked together into the middle of the field and sat down, face to face. I was about to ask if we had been here before together when she spoke up first.

"This is one of my favorite places in the world. We met here sometimes for picnics or to read or just to talk. I used to come here a lot after you died to feel closer to you, to remember all that we had been to one another. I have never stopped loving you, Edward."

I felt so humbled by her words. I had so much to make up to this beautiful woman who had been through so much pain because of me, admittedly outside of my control, but regardless, I did not want her to suffer for one more day.

"Elizabeth, I don't remember our times together before I changed for which I am truly sorry. But I have had visions about you for years in this meadow, I just didn't know you were real."

I lifted my hand and stroked my fingertips softly down her cheek. "I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw you two weeks ago. I was stunned to think that the girl I had been picturing was right in front of me, alive and breathing and more beautiful than I ever imagined. I was drawn to you immediately and I have to confess I have followed you constantly since then."

Elizabeth looked dazedly at me, "You've been following me? Why?"

I looked up at her sheepishly, "I couldn't stay away from you, Elizabeth. I had just arrived back in Chicago and I saw you there in the clearing that day you fainted. One look in your eyes and I was home; I couldn't leave. I wanted to know why the girl of my dreams was suddenly right there in front of me."

Tears started to pool in Elizabeth's eyes and spill over the lashes onto her cheek. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, all the while smiling at me with a huge grin.

"Edward, you have no idea how happy I am that you dreamt of me here. This place means so much to me, to us, and I wanted to give you this gift here. It is the first of a number of gifts that represents our time together and now you will be able to store some new memories in it as well."

She handed me the box that she had been carrying and I looked at it more closely this time. It was carved beautifully and the most striking feature of the box was the chequerboard insert in the lid. I ran my fingers over it lovingly; it was already so very precious to me.

"Thank you, love. I will treasure it always."

"It's a memento box, Edward. Inside is a gift that represents one of my favorite memories of the time we spent together, here actually."

I lifted the lid of the box oh so carefully and looked inside. At the bottom of the box I could see a small, red, leather-bound book. I picked it up and looked at the title. It was the play, _Romeo and Juliet _by William Shakespeare. I carefully opened the book at a place that was marked with a folded piece of paper. I unfolded the slip of paper and it contained elegantly handwritten words, and in my handwriting, no less - **But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Elizabeth is the sun!**

Elizabeth sighed, "You used to leave me little notes all the time. You were really quite the romantic, Edward. The last time we were here together, you were reading to me from that play. It was the most beautiful day, one that I will cherish always. I packed a picnic, and we lay on the blanket in the sunshine, just talking about our future. I was so happy."

The images from her mind were of the two of us here. I was lying on my back, reading Shakespeare to her, then I was kissing her passionately and Elizabeth's feelings about that kiss were a revelation. My pants started to tighten at her thoughts and I quickly moved the box into my lap. _What was wrong with me? I had never been so out of control of my body before._

I had to tell her everything including being able to read minds. I wanted her to know all about me and what I could do, so she would know what she was letting herself in for and have all the facts before she decided to be with me in the future. Or not! I felt so nervous about what I was about to do. This may well be the very last moment we were together.

"Elizabeth…." I started and stopped as her thoughts intruded loudly.

_It's Liz. You used to call me Liz._

I started again, a knowing smile on my face, "Liz, love, it's important you understand what I am before you make decisions about whether you want to be with me."

I could sense that she was about to butt in with further protests of her love, but I forestalled her.

"I have told you what Carlisle did to make me as I am today. Liz, I am no longer human. My human form died 3 days after I was bitten; my heart has not pumped at all since then. I became a vampire."

Liz's eyes widened and she gulped in a large breath and held it. I started to worry as her lips started to turn blue.

"Liz, breathe, love."

She inhaled at my words but her thoughts were a jumbled mess. "_A Vampire? He is a blood-drinking Vampire?_ Images from that damn movie, _Nosferatu_, filled her mind. I was starting to panic, why did she have to see that movie? Now I knew she would be repulsed by me.

Her tentative voice interrupted my panic, "Edward, I'm not afraid of you. I know you, you are not like the books that I have read or the movie. Please tell me a bit more about what a vampire really is like?"

I truly loved this woman. She was incredible. Instead of becoming hysterical at the return of her dead boyfriend after 9 years and as a vampire, she just trusts me and asks me to tell her all about it. I was surely the luckiest man in the entire world.

"Well, Liz, I have to be honest, vampires do actually drink blood. I personally drink the blood of animals but most vampires do drink human blood to survive. When I was first turned, I craved human blood too and I have lost control around humans before but not for many years."

"Edward, do you want to drink my blood?"

"No, love…,"I grinned at her, "…but your blood does smell heavenly though."

Liz smiled crookedly at my comment and moved closer to me and touched her hand to my face.

"Edward, you look much the same as before although more handsome, if that's possible, and you don't look like you have aged a day since I last saw you."

"I will never age, Liz. I will be forever 17. I will never die, I am immortal now. I am unbreakable. Not like you. This is exactly why I am so worried about us being together. I am stronger than any other animal in the forest, I can run so fast you would not be able to see me move and I could crush you by accident and so quickly, you would be dead before you blinked. That is why I am dangerous to you."

"I know you won't hurt me, Edward."

I wish I could have Liz's confidence in me. I wasn't so sure. I lay back on the ground, surrounded by flowers and the scent of Liz who now lay beside me watching me.

"Edward, why did you start calling me Liz a little while ago? Did you remember me from before a little?"

_Ah yes, I haven't told her about the mind reading thing._

"Um, no, Liz, I wish I could remember. I hate that I don't, more than you can imagine. I knew that you wanted me to call you Liz because I can read minds and a little while ago, you were upset with me always calling you Elizabeth."

Liz paled suddenly and started running through everything she had been thinking today and then blushed. Oh my God. I had never seen anything so glorious in all my years. I reached out my fingers and traced the red stain on her cheeks and she blushed even more.

"Liz, don't you see, this is a wonderful thing, through your memories I can regain part of who I was before. I will regain my memories of our times together through your thoughts. When you were telling me of our times in the meadow, I could see your memories as if they were my own. It was amazing."

Liz looked slightly uncomfortable and peeked at me through her lashes in embarrassment. She was thinking again about how she felt when our bodies were pressed together and blushed once more.

I was so befuddled by her thoughts of my body pressed against hers that I almost missed noticing when her memories changed. The new memory was a vision of me, kneeling amongst the wildflowers, with her hands clasped in mine. I was stunned by the look in my eyes. So much love, so much happiness radiated out of me, and it was all for her. Regardless of the vision, her next words shocked me to my very core.

"Edward, I have to tell you something very important. The last day we were here, together in the meadow, you asked me to marry you. And I said yes."

* * *

Thank you for reading.

I created a blog a little while ago with pics and teasers from my stories. The blog has a link to a video on Youtube with a clip from Nosferatu the first movie about vampires released in 1922. Very creepy.

www(dot)edwardsisobel(dot)blogspot(dot) com/

I have also entered a one shot into the FML contest called 'The Perfect Fit'. I convinced my beta, beans827, to enter as well and her story is called 'Surprise'. Here are the links:

w w w ( d o t ) f a n f i c t i o n ( d o t ) net/s/5744322/1/The_Perfect_Fit

w w w ( d o t ) f a n f i c t i o n ( d o t ) net/s/5712932/1/Surprise


	10. Chapter 10 Rejoice

**Chapter 10 – ****Rejoice**

Memory, memory, what do you want of me? Autumn

Makes the thrush fly through colourless air,

And the sun casts its monotonous glare

On the yellowing woods, where the north winds hum.

We were alone, and walking in dream,

She and I, hair and thoughts wind-blown.

Then, turning her troubling gaze on me,

'Your loveliest day?' asked her voice of fine gold,

Her voice, with its angel's tone, fresh, vibrant, sweet.

I gave her my answer, a smile so discreet,

And kissed her white hand with devotion.

– Ah! The first flowers, what a fragrance they have!

And how charming the murmured emotion

Of a first 'yes' let slip from lips that we love!

_(Paul Verlaine, "Nevermore", translation of__Poèmes Saturniens: Mélancholia II__ )_

From Chapter 9-

_I was so befuddled by her thoughts of my body pressed against hers that I almost missed noticing when her memories changed. The new memory was a vision of me, kneeling amongst the wildflowers, with her hands clasped in mine. I was stunned by the look in my eyes. So much love, so much happiness radiated out of me, and it was all for her. Regardless of the vision, her next words shocked me to my very core._

"_Edward, I have to tell you something very important. The last day we were here, together in the meadow, you asked me to marry you. And I said yes."_

**August 1927**

When I heard the word marriage uttered, I was forcefully reminded that I still retained some human, male frailties. I gulped and I stared at Liz in surprise. _Marriage_? My initial reaction to her words was shock and not a little fear. I was also overwhelmed with tremendous joy that this woman had agreed to be mine. Then, I felt confusion. _I had asked Elizabeth to be my wife when I had only been seventeen years old?_

"Liz, please do not take this the wrong way, but why did we get betrothed so young? You would have been only sixteen and I seventeen and neither of us had even finished school yet."

I wished the words back as soon as I had spoken them when Elizabeth's face fell. All she could think about was that I didn't want to marry her anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to marry her. It was just shock that she still might want to marry me.

I grasped her hands in mine and blurted out, "Liz, love…I didn't mean that I don't want to marry you. It's just that..." Liz interrupted me before I could continue.

"We loved each other, Edward. We were going to get married when we finished school and move to Paris. You had plans to study at the Conservatoire de Paris and become a great composer. I was going to apply to the Ecole de Beaux-Arts to study drawing. Oh Edward, it would have been so romantic living in Paris together and pursuing our dreams like we had planned." Liz sighed deeply remembering back to our madcap plans for moonlight walks along the Seine, a little apartment in the rooftops of Paris and candlelit dinners at little sidewalk cafes.

I vowed then and there that I would make that dream come true for Elizabeth one day. Carlisle had amassed a fortune over his hundreds of years of existence and constantly pressed more money on me than I knew what to do with. I never really needed it or wanted it before, but now I would use it to take Elizabeth anywhere she wanted in the world.

I tugged her hands towards me, then leaned in close and kissed her fingertips, "Elizabeth…we will live in Paris one day. I swear it." I vowed to her solemnly.

Elizabeth bit her lip before a tremulous smile brightened her face. I couldn't help but close the distance between us and press my lips to hers. She grasped my fingers in a tight grip and pushed forward to deepen the kiss. I pulled back from her, anxious that my venomous teeth did not mar her perfectly soft lips.

"Sharp teeth, remember?" I reminded her and she blushed prettily before dipping her head.

I remembered something that Liz had said earlier that had slipped past my notice at the time, which I now needed to ask her about.

"Liz, you said before that we had found a way to be together even though our parents had tried to stop us. Why did they try to stop us from seeing each other?"

Elizabeth's face grew red with anger when memories of her father banning her from seeing me slipped through her mind. She explained to me that her little sister, Marie, had inadvertently let slip to her mother that Elizabeth was with me in the meadow. When she had come home that day slightly dishevelled, her parents thought that I had taken advantage of their daughter and had behaved inappropriately. They would not listen when Elizabeth had tried to explain about our love for each other nor that I had not acted disrespectfully towards her.

From then on, Elizabeth had been restricted to the school and to the library. Her memories of our meetings at the library were all of longing looks, fervent declarations of our love for each other and the clasp of our hands under the desk as we pretended to concentrate on our studies. Elizabeth's memories of that time were so crystal clear it was like we were there again. I could almost smell the musty parchment and hear the quiet whispers of the students.

"We ditched school at the end of that week and went to the meadow where you asked me to marry you. We were so deliriously happy, Edward. That is, until your parents found out that we were more serious about each other than they realized. You had missed one of your piano rehearsals for the concert. Your parents found out when the conductor sent a note to your father. He was furious with you. I will never forget your face when we met the next day at the library. You told me that you had never seen him so angry. Your father forbade you to see me any more. He told you that your brilliant career as a concert pianist was worth more than your childish notions of love for a silly little girl."

I gasped. Elizabeth was describing one of the few partial memories I had of my father. "I remember him yelling at me about my career, but I never remembered why." I murmured in distress. It was the last memory, before my change, that I could recall clearly. It had always weighed heavily on me that my father was so angry with me before he died. Especially since I had no recall as to what I had done for him to turn on me the way that he had.

I had been in the music room at our home in Chicago, sitting in front of my piano, my father pacing back and forth in front of me. He had been so mad when he had thrown open the door and charged into the room, still wearing his coat and hat, his face red with anger.

He had yelled at me, "Edward, I will not tolerate your insubordination. You are a minor and living under my roof. You are too young to make decisions like this which will affect the rest of your life. Your mother and I have made sacrifices to nurture your talent. You will not throw away all you have worked for. You will be this country's most eminent concert pianist. Nothing should be more important to you than that. Absolutely nothing!"

That was it, and try as hard as I might, I had never remembered anything else. Shortly thereafter, my family was gone and I was wandering the countryside with Carlisle. My last memory of my father was his disappointment in me. I truly had no idea what I had done to deserve his ire, until now.

Elizabeth was watching my face and the expressions flitting across it while I processed everything I remembered. _Oh… the note Elizabeth dropped last night..! _I pulled the much folded music score out of my pocket where I had placed it before running to help Liz. Elizabeth took it out of my hands and stroked the paper lovingly.

I picked up one of her hands in mine and caressed it gently with the tips of my fingers before lifting it and pressing my lips against her fingers. "Liz, why were you in the clearing so late last night, crying as if your heart was breaking?"

Elizabeth turned a beautiful shade of pink and hid her eyes from me. I placed two of my fingers under her chin, and gently lifted her face, until her eyes were once again looking at mine. As usual, her teeth were biting her lip in consternation, which was extremely distracting.

"Oh that…" she mumbled, "…my father has become very upset with me. According to him, I am on old maid who is wasting my life away, pining over a boy I hardly knew. Last night, he threatened that if I did not find myself a man to marry, then he would find someone for me. I just couldn't contemplate being with anyone else but you, Edward. I would rather be alone for the rest of my days than be forced to be with someone I would not and could not love."

My heart clenched. The idea of Elizabeth marrying another man was abhorrent to me. I thought then of William Strider, the business associate of Elizabeth's father, and his continued attempts at wooing Elizabeth. The thought of that man's thick fingers entwined in Elizabeth's beautiful hair, his course lips merging with hers, sickened me. He had wanted to possess her, to own her. He didn't care about her alert mind, her sweet nature, her romantic heart. Not like I did.

I tightened my grip on her fingers without realizing it and Elizabeth twitched in discomfort. My hands gentled on hers and then I raised her long slender fingers to my lips in apology.

No matter how instinctive the feelings I had for Elizabeth were or how clear her memories were of the two of us together, I knew we both needed to spend time getting to know each other again. My circumstances had changed so much and Elizabeth needed to know what she was letting herself in for being with me. I wanted to spend my every moment with her, getting to know her again and not just through her memories.

I lifted her face towards me with my fingers under her chin and stared deeply into her eyes as, with trepidation, I asked, "Elizabeth, may I call on you?"

Elizabeth looked slightly startled at my question and stammered out, "How will...what…my family…why?"

She looked adorable in her confusion. "Liz, love, we need to spend time together to get to know each other again and if you are with me openly then your father cannot pressure you and choose another suitor for you."

"But…how can you…you are…Edward, my family will remember you and how will I explain to them that you are not dead after all?"

I chuckled, giddy with joy at the idea of courting Elizabeth properly and in the open, not skittering from tree to tree, furtively shadowing her around town. "What if I become Edward Masen's cousin, Anthony Cullen? I can be visiting downtown Chicago on business where we meet on your way home from the hospital this afternoon."

Elizabeth slowly nodded her head and a wide smile brightened her face before falling again into shadow. "Won't they think it odd that you look exactly like you, you know, Edward Masen?"

I was pretty sure that from everything Elizabeth had told me that I hadn't had too much to do with her family and that they probably only had a faint memory of my face anyway. It had been nine years after all. "Liz, I don't think that your family will recall my face all that clearly and anyway, Anthony Cullen will just have to bear an uncanny resemblance to his cousin, Edward Masen."

Just then, the sun broke through the clouds that had been darkening the meadow and I could tell when Elizabeth saw the reason why I kept to the woods and stayed in the shadows. She shielded her eyes with one hand and reached out the other to touch my face sparkling brightly in the bright midday sun. She gasped in shock and all I heard from both her lips and running through her mind were the words, "Beautiful…so beautiful."

I ducked my head in embarrassment and this time she lifted my face to hers. "Don't hide, Edward. I guess this is why vampires don't come out in the daytime? "I nodded and she continued, "Please tell me you don't sleep in a coffin like in that movie?" Oh Lord, she had a sense of humor. I loved it!

This time I laughed out loud. "No Liz, my love, I don't own a coffin and I definitely would never sleep in one, in fact I don't sleep at all."

"Not ever? Don't you get tired?"

"Liz, I haven't slept since 1918 and no, I don't get tired. Although I used to long for sleep so that I could dream of you."

Elizabeth smiled at my words and then looked up at the sky in a panic realizing how late it had become. "Oh dear, I have to go now or I will be late to the hospital."

The brief moment of sunshine disappeared as quickly as it had come and dark clouds obscured the sun from the meadow. I smiled when I realized that I could prolong my time with Elizabeth. I bowed formally to her and then crooked my elbow, "Shall we, my dear?" Elizabeth threaded her arm through mine and we walked towards town and her volunteer job at the hospital. Elizabeth looked at me uncertainly as we walked up to the front entrance and I assured her I would be waiting at the coffee shop across the road for her at the end of her shift.

My mind turned to practical matters then. I would need to be prepared to answer any questions that Elizabeth's family may ask about me and my intentions. With that, I set about constructing a past for my _cousin, _Anthony, and a reason for him to be in town for a few months. Once that was out of the way, I started thinking about all of the things I wanted to experience with Elizabeth in my courtship of her.

I had to remember to look like I was drinking all of the coffee I kept ordering but my mind was distracted today. The plants in the planter box next to me were still drowning in all of the coffee that I had pretended to consume over the last weeks. I really needed a new place to wait for Elizabeth.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I spied Liz walking down the steps of the hospital building across the road. I threw down some money on the table and high-tailed it across the road in a bubble of enthusiasm to be with her again. She smiled at my eagerness and took my arm while we walked towards her home, as I outlined my new background to her.

As we neared her house, I slid her hand down from my elbow and twined her fingers around mine squeezing lightly. Turning to face her, I swallowed nervously and asked her to accompany me to the matinee at the movie theatre tomorrow and then to dinner. She nodded quickly and I arranged to pick her up at 2pm the next day to meet her family as Anthony Cullen.

I think I might have actually done a little dance down the road, feeling so alive and hopeful for our future. I decided that to perpetuate the myth of Anthony Cullen, I couldn't continue to stay amongst the trees and made my way back to town at vampire speed. I checked into the Palmer House Hotel on the corner of State and Monroe Streets and went about setting up my new identity.

First, the switchboard operator helped me to place calls to a number of real estate agents to organize appointments during the week for me to view some potential factories to purchase. Carlisle was always telling me to do something with the money that he kept showering on to me and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone: start amassing income earning investments and facilitate my reason for being in town. Next, I walked down State Street and purchased a new wardrobe from Marshall Field's in order to squire Liz around town. I purchased items from grey flannel trousers to a black tuxedo and everything in between.

With my shopping out of the way, I returned to the hotel around 6pm and commenced pacing back forth shortly thereafter. I paced the room for hours, not very patiently, waiting for morning so that I could finish my arrangements and be with Liz again. Sometime around midnight, I gave up any semblance of patience and left the hotel to return to the forest to hunt. I may have passed Elizabeth's home on the way back to the hotel just to listen to her steady heartbeat for a while. It was on my way…

On the walk back to the hotel, I passed The Chicago Theatre on State Street and saw that the movie "_The Jazz Singer" _was playing at the matinee session tomorrow. I grinned as I remembered hearing some very good things about the movie starring Al Jolson and couldn't help feeling that everything I planned was coming together nicely.

At 10:00am sharp the next morning, I again left the hotel turning right this time towards the motor car dealership that the concierge had informed me about. There was no way that I would countenance William Strider taking Elizabeth home in his automobile, allowing him to be in such close proximity to my sweetheart any longer. I didn't trust him near her and wanted to eliminate the possibility as much as I could.

I wandered into the dealership and chose a gleaming, black, 2 seat, model T Ford Roadster almost immediately. The salesmen fawned over me when they realized I would be paying cash, which I had withdrawn from the Bank of America late yesterday, and the sale went through seamlessly in the name of Anthony Cullen. Once the paperwork was all signed and the beauty was mine, I slid behind the wheel and settled into the blood red leather upholstery and motored out of the gate and back to the hotel parking garage where I left the car a little reluctantly, yet eager to get ready for my date with Elizabeth.

I rummaged through the clothes and accessories I had purchased the previous afternoon and finally settled on a pair of light grey flannel trousers, a white soft-collared shirt, and a charcoal Norfolk jacket with box pleats down each side and a belt at the back. I also picked out a camel hair polo coat; even though the cold didn't affect me, I didn't want to look out of place when everyone else bundled up when the temperature dropped later in the evening. I snagged a tie from the pile on the bed, a sleeveless undershirt and shorts and finally my wingtip oxford shoes.

Once I had everything I needed, I laid it out on the chair in the corner, then ran warm water in the claw-foot bath, a luxury I hadn't realized I had missed since I had left Carlisle and Esme. As I lay there in the warm bath water trying to calm my nerves, my mind drifted to all that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Not only had I finally shown myself to Elizabeth, held her hand, kissed her lips, I was now embarking on the first step to making a commitment to her

Although my mind had at first been filled with the impossibilities of such a union, Elizabeth and her belief in our love had opened my eyes to all the wondrous opportunities ahead of us. We had been given a second chance at love and I decided that I was going to grab all that my new life offered me with open arms.

Unable to wait a minute more, I unfolded myself from the bath and dried myself briskly before getting dressed into the outfit I had selected to wear on my first date with Elizabeth. _Well, the first date that I remember anyway._ Once dressed, I attempted to tame my hair, eventually giving up and just running my fingers through it, until it fell into place. As I walked towards the door, I grabbed my fedora from the hook and placed it on my head at a jaunty angle before closing and locking the door and walking down the hall.

Eagerly I descended in the elevator to the basement parking garage and once I reached the car, pressed the starter button on the floor in front of the driver's seat. The Ford's engine rumbled to life as I jumped up into my seat, released the brake and drove off down the street. The day was overcast thankfully and I opened the windows fully. As I reached the outskirts of town, I opened her up to its top speed of 45mph. I laughed joyfully as the wind whipped past me. Although I could easily outrun this car without any effort, I was dizzy with euphoria that I was on my way to see Elizabeth.

Like any normal man on his first date with the woman of his dreams, I was anxious to make a good impression on her parents, her father particularly. I had earlier purchased a bunch of freesias for Elizabeth, some chocolates for her mother and sister and a box of shortbread for her father. The presents were sitting on the seat next to me and as I parked the Ford in front of the gate, I leaned over and scooped them up in my arms before stepping down from the car.

As I reached the front door, I juggled the presents in my left arm, raised my right hand to knock and was amused when the door swung open in front of me and Elizabeth darted out to meet me. Her face was alight with happiness and I could hear her thoughts churning with the delight of being able to see me out in the open. I held one of her hands in my free hand and twirled her around to take in her appearance. I hadn't ever seen her dressed up like this before and I was almost struck dumb with the sight of her beauty.

Elizabeth was wearing a black, drop waisted, sleeveless, beaded dress with pleats that just brushed her knees leaving her arms and stockinged legs visible. I was captivated by the sight of so much bare skin. My eyes were drawn to the pale white skin of her arms and her ever so delicate ankles. I couldn't resist and skimmed my fingers up her arm. Elizabeth shivered in response and her eyes snapped to mine, her thoughts awash with the sensations of my skin against hers.

Instinctively I leaned towards Elizabeth's soft lips but her little sister, Marie, pushed past her in the doorway and squealed in excitement on seeing my car. She scurried straight past us and ran her hands over the paintwork. I cringed at the sight of the fingermarks on the gleaming paintwork and Elizabeth admonished her for both ignoring me and for touching my car.

Marie backed away from the car with a mulish expression and then stuck out her hand to shake mine. I shook it gingerly and Marie pulled back with a gasp exclaiming how cold my fingers were. I murmured that I was pleased to meet her and that my hands were cold from the cold air rushing past the open windows. She shrugged and then asked excitedly whether I would take her for a drive in the car but before I could answer her, Elizabeth scolded her for being so forward and reminded her that we had plans today. I chuckled at her eagerness and assured her little sister that I would indeed take her for a ride in my car soon. Reassured, she scampered into the house and yelled out to her parents that Elizabeth's _man_ _friend _was here.

Elizabeth blushed furiously at her little sister's actions but I was quick to let her know that everything was fine. Elizabeth grabbed my hand then and tugged me back towards the house to meet her parents. I could hear that she was nervous from the thumping of her heart and the litany of assurances she was uttering in her mind that everything would be alright. I squeezed her fingers ever so lightly and whispered that everything would be alright and she shouldn't worry so much.

She nodded her head at my words and seemed to relax as we walked into the formal sitting room and faced her parents reclining on the sofa. Her father stood at our entrance into the room and came over to shake my hand. He noted the coolness also, but his thoughts betrayed that he had been spying on my arrival through the gap in the curtains. He simply assumed my cool hands were from the cold air.

I introduced myself to Charles and Mary Swanson as Anthony Cullen as planned. I was relieved that I had been right and Elizabeth's parents merely noted a family resemblance to Edward Masen, their minds showed no suspicion of my true identity or nature. Of course, they were both curious about me, although Mary Swanson, I noted, was vastly relieved that Elizabeth and I had started courting. She was very much afraid that her husband would have pushed Elizabeth to marry William Strider, which in her opinion would have been a huge mistake.

Both thought I looked a little on the young side but the presence of the expensive car, my innate good manners as well as my knowledgeable discussion about the local property market and investment opportunities relieved their minds. Thank God that, for the 9 years of endless days and nights, I had used my time to amass a far ranging knowledge of finance, medicine, music and literature. My ability to read other's minds also gave me inordinately good insight on human behaviour and an unfair advantage, I suppose, in negotiating deals.

In fact, her father was congratulating himself on raising a sensible daughter who held out for the right sort of man. It was difficult to hold back my grin at his thoughts when I knew that only a few days ago he had been pressuring Elizabeth to date anyone. After a few more minutes of small talk and reassurances to her father that I would return Elizabeth home before midnight, Elizabeth retrieved her coat and I escorted her out to my new car.

I opened the passenger door with a flourish, took her hand in mine, assisted her up the step and then onto the leather seat. I closed the door with a click, walked quickly to my side and jumped into my seat. Her parents had come to the front door to wave us off so I refrained from taking Elizabeth's hand in mine until we had motored out of their sight. Elizabeth turned to look at me and her smile, like her thoughts, were like sunshine bursting through the darkest clouds.

"We did it, Edward! They really like you. I'm so happy right now I could sing."

I smiled at her and then said, "I love to hear you sing, Elizabeth. That's how I found you in the woods that day, you know. I heard the most beautiful voice singing about waiting for a man to love and I had no choice but to follow it and then I found you."

"You heard me sing?" Elizabeth whispered, "Oh my! How embarrassing. I am a terrible singer."

"On the contrary, sweet Liz, you have the most beautiful voice imaginable. If I hadn't heard you sing then I would not have been intrigued to see who was singing so sweetly and I would have left Chicago without ever meeting you again. I would have lived for all eternity on my own, a shadow of a man without you. "

"Oh, Edward, I can't believe this is really happening? A few days ago my life was monotonous and without real joy and today we are starting on the first day of a new life together. Here is the future that we dreamed of all those years ago. I am so happy I may just burst."

I chuckled at Elizabeth's words and agreed wholeheartedly. Today was the start of our new life together. My life could not have been more perfect. This was better than any dream.

I drove past the hotel I was staying in and parked the car on the street near the theatre. As we walked down the sidewalk I placed my arm around Liz's back protectively. I could feel her warm skin through the material of her dress and this close, her natural scent and her strawberry shampoo was tantalizing my senses. I paid for the tickets and escorted her to our seats.

Once Elizabeth was seated, I sat down myself and draped my arm over the back of her chair, just barely skimming her back. Unable to keep my distance, I threaded the ends of her hair through my fingers and as the shiny, sweet-smelling strands slipped over my skin, I studied her face as she watched the big screen.

She kept glancing at me and smiling and once, about ten minutes into the movie, asked me why I was not watching the screen. I whispered to her that I couldn't take my eyes off her and as she blushed, I leaned over and kissed her pink stained cheeks softly. The smell of her freesia scented blood, so close to the surface of her skin, was hypnotizing.

I had no urge to drink from her at all, but her scent and every touch was intoxicating to me in other ways. She bewitched me so that all I could think about was her. The strawberry strands of her hair against my fingers were silky soft. Her pink stained cheeks were like porcelain and I ached to rub my own cheek against hers to feel the soft warm skin against mine. Her fingers as they gripped my arm when she laughed or cried in the movie were like steel bands binding me to her. It seemed like no time at all before the darkness of the theatre lifted when the movie finished and I reluctantly removed my arm from her shoulders.

It was a short walk back to the hotel where Elizabeth would have dinner but I was compelled to take every opportunity I could find to touch her. I lifted her hand to thread it through my arm as we strolled down the street. I caressed her cheek with my free hand as I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face in the breezy night air and I placed a hand on her back to assist her up the steps of the hotel. At the dining table, I was chagrined to realize we would be seated opposite each other, not close enough to touch, but quickly brightened when I saw the small dance floor on the other side of the room.

I had been intrigued by what Elizabeth had been telling me in the meadow yesterday about our original plans for Paris and quizzed her about her drawing. As usual, she blushed when the attention was placed on her and tried to divert the conversation onto something else. I smirked at her obvious attempts to change the topic until I reminded her that the whole point of courting was to get to know one another before the big leap into marriage.

Elizabeth opened up about her drawing to me which included her deepest hopes to live in Paris some day. Her beautiful face became so animated and passionate while talking about her art and her desire to study in the city that housed such masterpieces at the Louvre. I wanted to share her dreams with her and reiterated my pledge to take her to Paris some day. She smiled at me wistfully as if not fully believing in the possibility and I repeated my vow.

When our orders came, I sneakily disposed of most of my meal in a handkerchief I had brought just for that purpose. For the remainder, I slipped forkfuls to Elizabeth for her to try; completely fascinated by the dainty way she ate her food. I was completely enthralled with the way Elizabeth's tongue would sneak out and lick her lips after savouring each bite. Her pink tongue would slip along her upper lip first then swirl over her lower lip leaving them pink and glistening. Watching her made me think of how her sweet tongue felt against my own lips and I felt my pants tighten under the table.

Once dinner was complete, I asked her to dance with me. She looked at me in surprise and I chuckled when I could hear the doubt in her mind. We had just frolicked around in the meadow as I had never formally learned to dance when I was human.

"Don't worry, love. I learned to dance a few years ago. I won't embarrass you out on the floor."

As we threaded our way through the tables towards the dance floor, I could hear Elizabeth's thoughts take a dangerous turn towards jealousy, wondering who had taught me to dance, and why I had wanted to. I leaned down and whispered to her that the days and nights were long for a vampire when first turned and to fill in some time, Esme and Carlisle had taught me all the dances they knew. Elizabeth asked me who Esme was and was visibly relieved when I explained that Esme was Carlisle's true love and mate.

We were nearing the dance floor then so I promised to tell her whatever she wanted to know tomorrow as I just wanted to hold her in my arms once again. Liz smiled at me in agreement as we reached the edge of the floor. The band chose that moment to commence playing a waltz and I swept Liz into my arms and we whirled around the floor, my arms wrapped around her and her sweet body pressed to mine.


	11. Chapter 11 Radiant

**A/N: Another chapter and another apology for the delay – RL and all that. To make it up to you, this chapter is BIG!**

**As usual, this story would not look half so good without the time and devotion of my beta, Terri, Beans827. She takes commas out when I overcompensate and adds them in where they should be. Plus she tells me when I am going off the plot point and asks interesting questions like "were fire engines red back in the 1920's which sends me off to google heaven to check these things out. Btw, yes they were!**

**Chapter 11 – Radiant**

Go, song, on wings wind-blown,

And tell her with thy art;

A joyous light has shown

Within my faithful heart.

Cast out with sainted ray,

Love's shadows all have fled;

Within my heart is day,

Pride, fear, and doubt, are dead.

Long silent, dumb, and dark,

Hearest thou? The gladness rings

Like the swift-winged lark,

That in the clear sky sings.

Go then, my song, today,

Thy voice she'll not disdain.

Welcomed, she'll bid thee stay,

Since you return again

_ (Paul Verlaine, "_Go, Song, On Wings, Wind-Blown_", translation of Va, chanson, a tire-d'aile )_

From Chapter 10-

_We were nearing the dance floor then so I promised to tell her whatever she wanted to know tomorrow as I just wanted to hold her in my arms once again. Liz smiled at me in agreement as we reached the edge of the floor. The band chose that moment to commence playing a waltz and I swept Liz into my arms and we whirled around the floor, my arms wrapped around her and her sweet body pressed to mine._

**Chicago - August 1927**

Dancing the waltz with Elizabeth was infinitely different from the way I felt when Esme was teaching me to dance a few years ago. Esme, in human years, was not too much older than me. In fact, when we arrived in Rochester not too long ago, we presented ourselves as brother and sister. Esme's hair was a rich caramel color and was not too dissimilar in shade to mine, I guess.

My feelings towards her were a combination of how I expect I would feel for a stepmother or a big sister. I had felt nothing more than familial affection when I had held her in my arms as she taught me to dance.

Dancing with Elizabeth was like nothing I had ever known before. My entire body was alive with an electric charge where we touched. Her slender fingers gathered in my hand, the warmth of her hand burning through the material of my jacket and shirt, all the way through to my sensitive skin beneath. The soft warmth of her cheek resting against the cold skin of my neck, her generous breasts occasionally brushing against my chest, the inside of my thigh against her hip as I led her around the floor.

Every sense I possessed was attuned to every nuance of her breath, every tiny movement she made, every thought running through her mind. So much so that all the other voices in my head were muted and all I could hear was her thoughts and her infinite joy at being held in my arms again.

I leaned down slightly and brushed my lips against her ear as I whispered, "Elizabeth, in all these years we have been apart, you were always embedded in my heart and soul, waiting for me to find you again. For the first time in nine long years, I know why I am alive, if that's what I am. I exist for you, and only you, Liz. You are my life now."

Elizabeth gasped at my words, turning her face up to mine. Her soulful eyes were full of shimmering tears, in contrast to the brilliant smile lighting her face. Her hand lifted from my shoulder and cupped lightly against my cheek. "Edward, you make me so happy. You always have. From the minute I met you outside of the library all those years ago, I have been drawn to you. The look in your eyes that tells me that I am special and the merest touch of your fingers spark when they meet mine. I am yours, Edward. I have been, and always will be, now and forever."

"Forever," I murmur, my mind reeling with the implications of that statement. If I was human, our future would have been simple. It would have meant marriage, children, growing old together and eventually death. But, forever for me was something so very different. Forever literally was forever, far into the foreseeable future and beyond. Did Elizabeth mean my forever or her human one?

My mind was distracted with these questions and I almost failed to take note that the band had finished the set and were taking a break. Reluctantly, I released Elizabeth from within my arms as we made our way back to the table, already missing the warmth of her body surrounding me.

As we sat down, I gathered her hand in mine, not able to abandon the closeness I felt by her touch. I was hungry for any connection to her whatsoever. Now that I had found her, I found it difficult to keep any boundaries between us. I instinctively reached out to her mind and her body, as if she was necessary for my continued existence.

Although I was close to both Carlisle and Esme, I did not automatically crave their touch and did not often hug them. In fact, I tended to be rather reserved and unapproachable. Obviously, being around humans had been difficult for me until a few years previously, however, even around other nomadic vampires we had come across, I had kept my distance. Elizabeth had effectively walked straight through all of the barriers I had erected around me as easily as if they had been made of spun sugar.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the waiter clearing his throat at my side. I glanced up at him and by the way his eyebrow lifted in disdain and the smirk playing around his mouth, I had been inattentive to my surroundings for longer than I realized. Ignoring the waiter for the moment, I encouraged Elizabeth to order two desserts so that she could try a little from both. She readily agreed and her eyes twinkled with delight when the sweet confections were placed in front of us at the table.

I thought that dancing closely with Elizabeth was dangerous for my recently awakened libido, however, I realized that everything Elizabeth did, including the simple act of eating dessert, awakened feelings in me that I couldn't remember having had before.

First case in point, Elizabeth moaned when she took the first bite of her baked cheesecake. Yes, _moaned_. That low sultry sound caused me to swell in my pants again, powerless to stop my mind conjuring up possible future scenarios where I was making love to her and causing that glorious sound. Then, she tilted her head back and I could see her throat working as she swallowed, before slowly licking her lips again. I groaned softly, licking my own lips in response. I must have been staring at her covetously because she laughed and waved her spoon towards me.

"Edward, you look like you really want some of this cheesecake. Would you like a mouthful?"

I nodded without realizing what I was agreeing to, and before I gathered my wits about me, Elizabeth had scooped up a spoonful of the sweet goo and pressed the spoon between my lips. Although my first thought was to gag on the disgusting food, I held my breath and licked the spoon, my eyes never leaving Elizabeth's. As my tongue had flicked out, her eyes followed the motion. Her breathing quickened and her mind strayed to the kisses we had shared in the meadow yesterday and the feel of my tongue in her mouth.

At the direction of her thoughts, I moaned around the spoon. As Elizabeth's eyes flickered between my eyes and my tongue, her thoughts leapt unbidden to wondering what my tongue would feel like licking and sucking on her nipples. My breath caught and I sucked in the rest of the goo, straight to the back of my throat. In all of a split second, I gagged, bit down on the spoon, snapping it in two and dropped my eyes to appreciate the swell of Elizabeth's breasts hidden beneath her glittering dress, all the while thinking about what it would feel like to lick them.

Elizabeth's gasp as her hands lifted to cover her eyes while her mind came to the realization that I knew exactly what she was thinking, brought me out of my stupor. Quickly I lifted my napkin from the table and coughed discreetly, dislodging the disgusting dessert from the back of my throat. I wiped the spoon clean and deposited the remains in my pocket, to hide the evidence.

My hands reached out to pull Elizabeth's free from her eyes, but she dipped her head in embarrassment. I leaned closer and tilted her chin up so that her fire engine red face was in view. As much as my gift helped me in many situations, I was coming to realize that it was the cause of a great inequity between Elizabeth and myself. Where I was privy to her every thought, her dreams and desires, she was limited to know only what I deemed suitable to tell her or gauge something of my feelings from my actions or facial expressions.

To right the imbalance between us that my gift inadvertently caused, I knew I would have to verbally bare my soul to her, no matter how difficult it was for me to do so. My ingrained sense of propriety and my need to treat Elizabeth as a lady, warred with my knowledge that she would pull away from me if she thought I was in any way appalled at the direction of her intimate thoughts.

"I've been wondering the same thing myself," I blurted out quickly, before I could change my mind. If it were possible for a vampire to blush, I would be as red as Elizabeth had been moments before.

I was rewarded with the knowledge that I had made the right decision when Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief at my words.

"You have?" she whispered, the redness in her cheeks dissipating slowly.

I nodded. "Probably more than I should," I whispered back, stroking her hand over and over with my thumb.

"How much is too much?" said the little minx, revelling in my unexpected disclosure.

_Hmm…how much should I actually tell her before she thought I was a pervert?_ I didn't want to scare her off with the number of times my mind actually drifted to thoughts of touching her naked body with my fingers, my tongue, and her most intimate of places, with mine. Let alone how occupied I became with thoughts of her delicate warm fingers touching me. I reached out my hand and dropped my napkin in my lap in an effort to hide the effect this conversation was having on my nether regions.

Unsure of the appropriateness of the subject matter on a first date, I reminded myself of my decision to create equality between us, comforting myself that Elizabeth's thoughts had roamed to the sexual feelings between us also.

"Every time I am near you, the feel of your skin on mine, the scent of your hair and your natural perfume plot against my body; thoughts of how it would feel to touch you, to taste you, to take you, flood my mind. "

A harsh intake of breath from Elizabeth caused a frisson of fear to run down my spine. _Had I told her too much? Did she think me immoral and depraved for the way my thoughts ran to physical pleasures?_ But no, the thunderous beat of her heart, the distinct scent of her arousal and her mind all rejoiced that we were both feeling the same effects from the proximity of the other.

I was saved from further disclosure just then by the waiter returning to take away our plates and cutlery and depositing the folder with our handwritten account on the table in front of me. I picked up the leather folder with something akin to desperation and deposited the appropriate notes, before placing it back on the table for collection.

"We need to get back to the car so that I can get you home at the time I promised your parents," I told Elizabeth as I rose to my feet. She nodded in agreement, as reluctant as I was to end the evening so soon. Elizabeth stood as I moved her chair back. While the palm of my hand rested on her back, I guided her through the restaurant to collect our coats from the hatcheck girl.

The night had grown considerably cooler since we had arrived at the restaurant and I hurried Elizabeth back to my car to get out of the chilled air. As we sat in the car, with the engine running to warm up, I took her gloved fingers in mine and asked if she would accompany me to the Art Gallery in the morning.

Elizabeth didn't answer for a moment as she pondered what to say to me. She wanted to go but her family always attended church each Sunday. I jumped in to avoid her any further upset and asked if she would mind if I came with her and her family to church and then we could go to the gallery after.

_That damn movie! Now Elizabeth had visions of me accidently getting sprayed with holy water and exploding in a poof of dust._

"I don't think that is a good idea, Edward. Can a vampire even enter a church?"

I chuckled and Elizabeth tried to push me in my chest where she encountered my immovability. "It's not funny, Edward," she huffed and pouted.

"Yes it is, Elizabeth. I will be perfectly safe inside of the church. Holy water and crosses have no more effect on me than they do on you. It's actually extremely difficult to kill a vampire; we are immortal after all."

The drive to Elizabeth's home on the outskirts of town took no time at all and as we pulled up at the end of the long drive, I turned to her again and reminded her that she had yet to answer my question.

"Oh, of course, Edward. If it's not dangerous for you to be in a church, I would love for you to come with my family and me. If I meet you out front with my parents, we can go straight to the gallery after, if you'd like?" Elizabeth smiled shyly at me and I nodded my agreement.

I unenthusiastically exited the car and rounded the vehicle to open her door for her and escort her to the front door. I was not looking forward to leaving her and going back to my lonely hotel room. The long hours until I would be reunited with her again seemed like an eternity to me now, whereas before she came back into my life, whole weeks could pass me by as if they were barely a minute.

I saw the twitch of a curtain in the living room and the satisfied thoughts of Elizabeth's father for bringing his daughter home before the time I specified we would return. He was congratulating himself for his intuition about my gentlemanly demeanor and my upstanding behaviour. I had to bite my tongue to resist laughing as he considered "Anthony" much more favorably than his deceased cousin, Edward, who, in his opinion, had been too young and irresponsible and quite frankly, a bit of a dreamer for wanting to get married at 17.

Elizabeth peered at me when I couldn't contain a quiet snort escaping at the tone of her father's thoughts. She snickered when I whispered, "Your father thinks your taste in men has improved from that youngster, Edward."

Our amusement was short lived when Elizabeth's father cleared his throat from behind the door, signalling an end to our perfect evening. I leaned closer and whispered that I had had a wonderful time and couldn't wait to see her in the morning before closing the gap between us and sealing the perfectness of the evening with a brush of my lips against hers. Elizabeth's pulse jumped at the brief touch while her fingers lifted to trace over the tingling in her lips.

Just as Elizabeth was about to enter the house, she called back to me that she would meet me at 9am at the Lake View Presbyterian Church on West Addison Street. With a wide smile, she disappeared from my view while I despondently started back towards my car. Elizabeth's thoughts stopped my descent into gloom in its tracks.

"_I love you, Edward."_

My dead heart fluttered back to life as a consequence of her words, and a joy I was unused to feeling burst within my chest. Today was the first day, in nine very long and lonely years, that I had forgotten for brief moments what I had become. Today, I had just been a man, out on a date with the woman who had captured his heart and soul in her small dainty hands.

A burst of pure happiness welled up inside me as I relived the evening. As I approached the car, I uncharacteristically hopped in the air and tapped my heels together as if I was Fred Astaire in a Broadway show. At the muffled burst of laughter emanating from the house, my concentration vanished and I lost my footing as I stepped up into the car, smacking my nose on the side mirror, smashing it.

Self-consciously I peered back towards the house, hoping that the laughter had nothing to do with my actions and that no-one had seen my unintended vaudeville comedy show. Luck was not with me however; I spied three amused faces peering out of the curtains at me and laughing uproariously. Like any comedy act, I took my bow at the end of my show and unceremoniously drove off with the sound of mirth filling my ears for many a mile.

I had only been away from her for mere minutes and I felt the separation keenly. It felt like there was an invisible cord connecting us, pulsing and contracting, pulling us toward each other until we became one. I almost gave in to the force of my feelings. It would be so easy to turn the car around and then slip up to her room; we need not be parted for one minute more.

Shockingly, my foot had eased back on the accelerator and the car had started to slow before I collected the wayward direction of my thoughts. Elizabeth would be shocked and horrified at the sight of me invading her private chamber, I was sure. Well, reasonably sure, as the delicious memory of Elizabeth's vivid thoughts of my lips on hers plotted against my resolve.

With great difficulty, I resisted my baser impulses and returned to the hotel. I questioned just how I was going to get through the next 10 hours without her by my side. How swiftly she had become insinuated into every aspect of my life to the point that I could no longer imagine being in this world without her. The last nine years of my life now seemed insignificant and unimportant because she had not been a part of it. They were merely stepping stones leading me back to her.

I toyed with the idea of sending a telegram to Carlisle and Esme telling them that my return would be delayed indefinitely, however, I had been gone barely a few weeks, which was truly nothing in the scheme of a vampire life.

Once Elizabeth and I had matters more settled between us, I would send a telegram informing them of our plans. I didn't see the need to tell them about Elizabeth just yet, mainly because I was pretty sure Esme would have wanted to come here, and I wasn't yet ready to share Elizabeth with anyone, even my newly acquired parents.

After pacing back and forth in the hotel room for hours, eventually I picked up a book that Carlisle had given to me some time ago, _The Voyages of Dr Doolittle_. He had laughed as he had handed it to me, telling me that I had a lot in common with the good doctor. Not really in the mood for reading, but hoping to fill in some more time, I had only read a few pages before I got Carlisle's attempt at humor. I could hear humans and Doolittle could hear animals. Secretly, I often thought that the two were sometimes not that far apart.

As in all things, vampires had superior sight as well as an enhanced capacity to take in vast amounts of knowledge in record time. It didn't take long and I was finishing the book in less than ten minutes. I picked up my book of Verlaine poetry and skimmed through some of my favorites, having decided on sharing some with Elizabeth later in the day.

Finally, I slipped the book into my pocket and although I had earlier decided against it, I left the hotel and sped through the dark streets to sit beneath Elizabeth's window, my legs drawn up and my chin resting on my knees. I breathed in her distinct scent of freesias and strawberries and listened to the regular thrumming of her heart and, at last, I was content.

I toyed briefly with the idea of climbing the tree outside of her window just to see her sleeping in her bed but thought that might be just a touch perverted. I wasn't sure how Elizabeth would feel about me watching her sleep but the idea of it fascinated me. Out of all my former human activities, I think that was the one I missed the most and I envied Elizabeth her ability to do so. Oh to be able to sleep and just shut down from the day and be recharged upon awakening. Not that I ever got tired per se, just a little jaded and worn from time to time.

Before the sun had risen and the day started in earnest, I reluctantly left my post beneath Elizabeth's window and returned to the hotel. The minute hand on the clock in the hotel room seemed to stand still as I paced the floor some more, waiting for the time prescribed by Elizabeth to meet.

I freshened up in the bathroom. One minute closer. Rifled through my purchases on the bed and selected what I would wear today. Another minute ticked over. Got dressed and paced some more. Two more minutes and counting. Changed my mind about what I was wearing, took everything off except for my shorts and selected instead my dark grey worsted suit, white collared shirt and navy blue and red diagonally striped tie. Three minutes down and I had dressed ridiculously slowly.

I heard a quiet knock at the door and the crackle of paper hitting the floor. When I opened the door, I found the daily newspaper laid out on the carpet in front of me. Enthusiastically, I grabbed the paper, dropped into the armchair beside the window and flicked it open to read the headlines of the day. It wouldn't hurt, I decided, to be current with the affairs around town, in case Elizabeth's father engaged me in conversation today. Usually, human events barely registered with me unless they concerned the investments Carlisle and I had made, however, I wanted to appear as normal as possible with the Swanson family. It was important to me that they liked and approved of me.

With my vampire vision, the news of the day and the trivial things, for that matter, only took a few minutes to read. I threw the paper aside and my leg jiggled in impatience. The urge to be within touching distance of Elizabeth was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was as if being separated from each other was wrong and unnatural. I felt like my entire body was being pulled towards hers and resisting that urge was becoming increasingly difficult.

I had envisioned that getting to know her again, and for her to know me, would take months before I was ready to take the next step. I was wrong. I finally recognized what my heart and soul had known immediately, that she was my other half, my reason for being on this earth. That first day something drew me through the forest, to reconnect with her.

My brain had taken only a little bit longer to catch up. What I thought was idle curiosity when I heard her voice sultrily singing in the forest and the physical reaction to her beauty, was, in fact, the calling of her soul and mine answering.

I had never felt this way before. The breathy pitch of Elizabeth's singing voice mesmerized me but truthfully there were far more pitch perfect singers out there. In fact, the voices of female vampires resembled the ringing of bells. But yet, not once had these other voices called to me like hers. The Denali sisters, close friends of Carlisle's and now mine, were more classically beautiful than Elizabeth, but not once had my body responded to them as it did to hers.

Plainly speaking, there were no doubts in my mind that Elizabeth was made for me and I for her.

I hoped that Elizabeth was feeling the same way since I was suddenly impatient to be with her in every way possible, never to be separated again. With that thought in mind, I hesitated no longer and strode from my room, out onto the street and towards the church to meet with my love.

I may have been a little overeager; thank goodness it was early, as I somehow arrived at my destination a half hour ahead of time. No one but a gardener, tending the small patch of grass and meagre garden in the grounds, was around.

Not wanting to stick out like the proverbial sore thumb, I wandered a little further up the road and was very happy to find a store selling musical instruments. What caught my eye immediately was a glossy black piano in the window. _I would love to play for Elizabeth again. _Hopefully the owner of the store would let me play later in the week. For days now, a melody inspired by Elizabeth, had been running through my mind and I was dying to try out.

I wandered a bit further and finally it was time to return to the Church to meet Elizabeth and her family. As I stood near the front gate, the other arrivals watched me somewhat suspiciously. There was a varied range of thoughts running through the minds of the people mingling on the front lawn. Some of the young women were a little forthright in their thoughts about my body and not a few of the older women as well. The men in the group mainly felt distrust of a lone man, unknown to them, amongst their tight knit community.

I felt increasingly uncomfortable and shifted restlessly with my head averted, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Swansons. When I felt a tingle start low in my spine and move swiftly up to my scalp, I knew immediately that it signalled an awareness of the other half of me approaching. I felt it moments before I heard her thoughts, then caught a trace of her distinctive scent and finally spotted her beautiful face in the small crowd approaching. My body seemed to know when she was anywhere near, as if it was acutely attuned to the one person who was meant only for me. Of that I was sure.

I smiled in relief with the Swanson family's appearance at the Church gate and moved toward them gratefully. I approached Charles first and shook his hand trying hard to be circumspect around his daughter in front of him, when all I wanted to do was touch her, connect with her in any way possible.

I noticed Charles had to work hard to stifle a smirk as he remembered my less than graceful exit from his home the previous evening. He was secretly glad for my clumsy eagerness. It had been a very long time since he had heard the tinkling laugh of his oldest daughter. My obvious happiness at the end of our "first" date boded well, he thought, for an eagerly awaited wedding. Thankfully with his mind otherwise occupied he only briefly wondered at the fact that my hands were freezing again.

"Anthony, it is so good to see you again so soon," Mary Swanson's kind words were echoed in her mind. Mrs Swanson had such a sweet temperament and she was genuinely happy to see me again. Her mind was filled with thoughts of the little chat that she and Elizabeth had had last night and I was hard pressed not to dart my eyes to Elizabeth's when Mary revealed in her thoughts the words that had passed between them after she had returned from our date.

I took Mary's outstretched gloved hands in mine and squeezed gently in acknowledgement. Finally, Mary moved on and Elizabeth moved towards me. I felt suddenly shy after all my revelations from the previous evening as well as Mary's thoughts of her conversation with Elizabeth. I was ecstatic, for somehow, Elizabeth's mind had reached the same conclusion as mine had. She had relayed the evening's events to her mother and after much prodding by her mother, admitted breathlessly that she thought she had found her soul mate and that she was in love.

As I took her hand in mine, I couldn't help but smile widely at Elizabeth and she responded likewise. Time stood still as I gazed into her beautiful, brown eyes and the sounds around us faded into a distant hum. I'm not sure how long we stood there deaf to the world around us but our bliss was momentarily shattered by Marie bumping into Elizabeth, none too gently, and jolting us out of our reverie.

Marie rolled her eyes at Elizabeth's grumbled protest at the interruption and stomped off to join her parents while we sauntered along behind, her hand tucked into my elbow, ridiculously happy to merely be in each other's company again.

As we took our places near the middle of the church pews, the thoughts around us grew speculative about my attendance with the Swansons. There were some little signs of jealousy from a few of the women, but generally, they were happy for Elizabeth, having witnessed her withdrawal from the world after the so-called tragedy of her young man's death. There was no sign of recognition in anyone's faces; apparently my family had worshiped at a different church in town.

I hadn't been to church for a little while, as Carlisle often worked weekends, and I preferred to attend with him. His father had been a preacher and Carlisle was still deeply religious despite the way his life had veered to the supernatural so long ago. I admit that Carlisle found it difficult, when I first turned, to convince me that I still had a soul and deserved God's love but over time and endless patience later, he had me attending services with him, once I was able to tolerate being close to humans again.

I found a kind of peace within the hushed walls of the churches we attended, symmetry within the rigid traditions, the hallowed in the hymns decorously sung by the choirs.

It had taken a while, but eventually I finally grew to be at ease with the creature I had become, no longer believing that I was a monster because of the way of life I had been thrust into. At first, I had been vicious in my anger towards Carlisle for taking such a step, sometimes pleading with him to end it so I could follow my parents into oblivion. I could see the pain etched into his face when I would lash out by saying such things and I was pleased at the time that he suffered for "his mistake" as I called myself.

I had just become accustomed to my new way of life and had reached an accord with Carlisle, when Esme appeared in our midst. I did not understand why he wanted her, since he had me for company. Previously we had spent many a pleasant evening discussing Carlisle's past and all that he had seen, hunting together and travelling to new places.

I started to look up to Carlisle, for the lifestyle choices he had made, his compassion for humans and vampires alike. I was fascinated by his ability to practice medicine, to be surrounded by blood all day and never be tempted to partake. I was, in fact, jealous of Esme, and while I was pleased for Carlisle at finding his mate, I was a little bit resentful that his precious time away from work was now split between us.

Eventually, greatly aided by Esme's sweet nature and mothering tendencies, my jealousy diminished until I was fully accepting of the time they spent together. Now, having reclaimed the love of my life, I felt a little guilty for the way that I had acted towards my new parents. Carlisle must have the patience of a saint and Esme a far more generous heart than mine.

They must have sometimes felt like they had been parenting a difficult three year old instead of a 17 year old vampire. I would have much to apologise for when we met up again.

I tried to pay attention to the words of the minister but Elizabeth's hand in mine was distracting. Her fingers wrapped in my fingers spread warmth through my hand and up my arm while my skin tingled where her skin touched mine. I sat on the hard pew angled towards her, caught up in the play of emotions running across her face.

Unintentionally, I let out a low groan when her thumb started tracing small circular patterns in my palm and was mortified when Mary stifled a giggle and Charles coughed to get my attention. The service had finished and I had been completely oblivious the whole time. After exchanging pleasantries with a few friends of the family and the minister, Elizabeth and I took our leave and escaped out the gate.

Finally, we were alone again and on our way to the Gallery, as planned.

"My parents really like you, Edward," said Elizabeth as we walked hand in hand along the pavement.

I smirked. "I know. Your father thinks I am a much better man for you than the old me. He thought the old me was a bit of a dreamer and the new me is perfect."

Elizabeth snorted and then blushed. "I think he is a bit embarrassed that I have been on the shelf for so long. He is probably just happy to get rid of me."

I stopped and pulled her gently around to face me. "Elizabeth, your father loves you very much. He is not embarrassed at all; he has just been very worried about you. His only concern is with your happiness. And by the way, he thinks I make you very happy."

"Oh, Edward, you do make me happy…very happy. Being with you again like this is more than I can comprehend sometimes."

As we'd spoken, we'd inched closer together without realizing until her face was suddenly only inches from mine. The urge to take her lips in a sweet kiss was strong and I started to close the small gap between us to do just that when we jumped apart at the loud interruption behind us.

"Well, I never! How scandalous! Kissing and canoodling right here in front of the café in plain view of anyone. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

"My apologies, ma'am," I bowed deeply to her. "I don't know what came over me."

"Hmmph" the old battleaxe grunted out and swung around to dissect the wicked evil ways of youth in these times as she and her cronies shuffled into the café.

Elizabeth and I dissolved into laughter and walked swiftly away from the scene of our crime. A few blocks later, we had arrived at our destination...

The Art Institute of Chicago on the lakefront of Michigan Avenue. I had asked around at the hotel and found out that this particular gallery had acquired some lovely Monets, Renoirs and even a Seurat.

Elizabeth was in her element surrounded by the French artists as she wandered from here to there. At each new discovery, her cries of delight made me grin in response. Her eyes were alight and happiness radiated from her. She hadn't been to an art gallery since I had "died", when she thought our dreams of a life in Paris had been destroyed in less than a few days.

She lingered the longest in front of a painting by Caillebotte called _Paris Street, Rainy Day_. The yearning to see Paris for herself, firsthand, overtook her thoughts. I leaned in behind her and whispered in her shell pink ear, "You will be there on the streets of Paris one day, with your easel out, painting the sights. And then we will go back to our little apartment overlooking Notre Dame and sit in front of the windows and watch the purple sunset over the Paris rooftops."

"Do you truly mean that, Edward? To follow our hearts desire, our old dreams of the future?"

I glanced around and confirmed that we were alone in the room before I slipped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me.

"Elizabeth, one day, if it is the very last thing I do, we will be living in Paris. You will be painting and I will be composing. We will have our happy ever after. I promise you."

The sound of a throat clearing behind me, jerked me to my senses. In that short time, a couple of old men had entered the room and were glaring at us. I must confess, being around Elizabeth was proving that whenever she was near, I was oblivious to the world around me. Only she existed for me.

Elizabeth blushed and confirmed that she was ready to leave. We sauntered out of the room and one of the old men winked at me as I walked past. He was thinking that if he was younger he would have given me a run for my money with the beautiful young lady. My arm crept around Elizabeth's waist then and, as she looked at me quizzically, I muttered "Dirty old man."

After that, we went to Navy Pier and had ice-cream. Well, strictly speaking, Elizabeth had ice-cream and I just stared at her little tongue flicking out over and over again to lick the cold confection.

"Do you miss eating sweet treats, Edward?" Elizabeth asked me after catching me staring at her.

"Ah...no, I really don't miss eating food at all. To me, it smells disgusting. In fact, I really have no memory of eating at all."

"Oh, I just thought you must miss it a lot. Every time I eat, you get this glazed look on your face as if you are dying to have some."

_Oh my God, what should I say? She will think I am a pervert if I told her that watching her tongue lick the cold treat makes my mind turn to less than innocent thoughts of her tongue in my mouth…and other places!_

"Oh, it just looks like you are really enjoying your food and I like watching you."

"Well, do you enjoy your new diet? What is your favorite animal to drink blood from?"

I felt uncomfortable going from Elizabeth's delicate enjoyment of her ice-cream to talking about my diet which involved stalking, chasing and ultimately the capture of my dinner before draining it dry of blood. I didn't really want to talk about it to Elizabeth. I had skimmed over the subject when I had first talked about being a vampire. She had seemed to accept my lifestyle so well on the surface, but I wasn't sure whether her ladylike sensibilities would tolerate the reality.

I stalled for a while and tried to change the subject.

"So what would you like to do next? There is a…"

"Uh uh uh…no way, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen…I'm not some prissy delicate flower that will faint at the drop of a hat. Tell me. We are supposed to be getting to know each other, remember?"

"Oh, Miss Swanson, you never faint, huh?" I taunted her, "So a few weeks ago when you saw me in the trees you didn't faint then…Hmmm?"

"Ah, Edward, I just saw what I thought was the ghost of my dead fiancé all of a sudden after nine years. I think I'm allowed at least one faint without everyone thinking I have a weak constitution. And, by the way, it's not everyday you meet a vampire, you know!"

"I know, love. I couldn't resist teasing you; you blush so beautifully."

"So…tell me all about your special diet. I know you drink blood from animals but which ones and how do you do it. Do you like pigs or cows or chickens?"

"Um…I like Mountain Lion preferably, but they are more of a treat. So I usually live on deer and the occasional bear. Carnivores have the best tasting blood but we can, in a pinch, live on the blood of farm animals."

Elizabeth shocked gasp halted me in my tracks. "You eat lions and bears? Isn't that dangerous? You could be killed, Edward. I think you should stick to deer from now on."

I chuckled and she punched my arm. "It's not funny, Edward. I can't face losing you to a vicious mountain lion now that I've found you again."

I grabbed her hands to stop her punching me again. Not because it would hurt me; on the contrary, she could break her pretty little fingers on my diamond tough skin.

"Liz, I am the strongest animal out there. A swipe from a lion's paw will merely rip my clothes if I'm not careful. It won't even break my skin. And I can break a bear's jaw with my little finger. They are in much more danger from me than I ever will be from them."

"Will you take me out hunting with you one day?"

"No. It would be too dangerous, Elizabeth. When vampires hunt, all of our senses are taken over and the hunt becomes instinctual. It would be too risky for you to be anywhere near to me or the animals we hunt. I can't face the thought of losing you either."

She nodded thoughtfully looking past me down the pier. She giggled before seizing my hand and pulling me towards the sideshow alley. "Well, if I can't see you hunt the real thing, let's see how well you can do with the plush variety!"

"The what?"

"I'm talking about stuffed animals, Edward. You show your prowess at the arcade games and you win stuffed animals." Elizabeth giggled again.

"Liz, are you challenging me to a competition to win fluffy toys?"

"Why yes, yes I am, Mr Cullen."

Shortly thereafter, I won a stuffed teddy bear for Elizabeth at the ball toss and then Elizabeth won for me, a stuffed mountain lion at the creepy grinning clowns. Elizabeth was almost hysterical with laughter when she spied the revulsion on my face at the sight of the clowns.

"What…they're scary and creepy" I whined. _Really creepy!_

"Says the vampire to the human," Elizabeth replied drily.

"Well, I guess there is something that scares vampires more than mountain lions and bears after all!"

I hadn't laughed this much in forever. Elizabeth was not only beautiful and sweet, she was funny too. I loved every minute of our times together.

A little further down the arcade, we came upon one of the new photomaton booths I had read about in the paper this morning. I pointed it out to Elizabeth and we walked over to have a look. The technician came out and explained the process to us and I eagerly agreed to have our photographs taken. New inventions fascinated me.

We walked into the booth and sat side by side on the bench seat. Before we were ready, the light flashed and we swung our heads towards the front. The next one, we were both staring intently at the front of the booth to see where the picture was being taken when the flash blinded us again. The next time, we were more prepared and hugging our toys in our arms as we pressed our heads closer together. The flash went off and I turned to smile at Elizabeth and she returned my smile when I sensed the flash firing one last time.

Because I couldn't resist any longer, I ducked my head and kissed Elizabeth quickly. Our lips clung for a moment and then parted before we were ushered out of the booth. Elizabeth's heart rate had increased for that brief moment and she had blushed again, sure that the assistant had seen the kiss as he parted the curtain.

I squeezed her hand to reassure her, and as she looked up at me, I shook my head slightly to let her know that he had not seen us. She sighed in relief that we wouldn't be criticized a third time for inappropriate behavior in the one day. Before I had come back into her life, she would have never dreamed that she could so forget herself and her surroundings like she had today. Not that she would change one minute of it.

"I wouldn't change a single minute either," I whispered to her as we waited impatiently to see the photographs.

"I'm not used to this mind reading thing," she grumbled at me good naturedly, punching my arm again.

"Sweetheart, it's not like I can turn it off. Sometimes, if I concentrate really hard on something specific, the noises will dim a little, but usually whenever people are nearby I can hear them."

"Doesn't that make you feel crazy, always having voices in your head?"

I was just about to reply when I heard the lab assistant returning. He held out an envelope to us and I eagerly took it out of his hands and opened it. The four small sepia photographs came out in a strip and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw the first two.

In the first photograph, Liz had turned so quickly when the flash went off that her long hair had whipped around and obscured much of our faces from the camera. In the second, we were both leaning forward and staring wide eyed into the camera. In the third photograph we were relaxed and smiling, our heads close together.

I really wanted the last photograph. In the image, we were turned towards each other, gentle smiles on our faces as we gazed into each others eyes. I loved it. I felt Elizabeth's small hand slip into mine and she leaned her head against my arm. In her mind, she said to me,"I love you, Edward."

"And I love you, Elizabeth." I leaned down to her as we walked out of the shopfront.

The day was speedily coming to a close and I had to get Elizabeth home before dinner. The Swansons sat down for a family meal each Sunday evening and I didn't want to arrive late. We left the pier and walked back to my hotel to pick up my car.

The closer we got to her home, the quieter Elizabeth became. Her thoughts were in a whirl as she touched on parts of our day combined with the sadness of having to part for the day. In the morning, she had another shift at the hospital and I eagerly offered to pick her up and take her and then drive her home again. Happily, she willingly acquiesced to my offer, pleased that the time until we saw each other again would be shorter than she thought.

I escorted Elizabeth to her front door and took my leave from the family when dinner was ready to be served. Charles had asked me to stay, however, I didn't think I would be able to dispose of the meal easily in close quarters. I reluctantly gave my apologies by fabricating a dinner invitation from an old friend of my father's.

In truth, I had plans for this evening that couldn't involve Elizabeth. I wanted to retrieve some items from storage that Carlisle had arranged. Although the bulk of the family items had to be left in the Masen home, Carlisle had snuck into the house the day he had changed me and retrieved a number of articles he thought I would value some day.

He had hidden these items under the floorboards of the study in the house he owned in the city in which we had lived for a short time before we had to leave. Unfortunately, the house had been rented out some years ago, so I would have to partake in some breaking and entering in the dark hours of the early morning.

I drove home slowly, my travels taking me past all the places we had been earlier in the day. First the church where I felt warmed by the acceptance of her family. Next I passed the art gallery and I repeated my vow to make Elizabeth's dreams of living in Paris a reality. My final landmark was the Navy Pier and memories of our laughter completed the perfect day.

I needed no more time to know Elizabeth, to know my self. My shock at Elizabeth's announcement a few days ago that we had planned to get married so young now seemed ridiculous. I must have known back then, an immature human teenager, the important role this woman would fulfill in my life.

In mere moments, the time it took to drive from the Pier to the hotel, I had planned the actions I would need to take this week to make our future secure.

Once I had parked the Roadster in the parking garage of the hotel, I made my way to the concierge to ferret out some information to smooth my way this week. He was most obliging and before long I made my way back to the room clutching the hotel stationary with the invaluable details.

As soon as I entered my room, I retrieved the memento box that Elizabeth had given to me and popped in the two photographs I had retained from the strip, the little plush toy and out of my suit pocket from the previous evening, the ticket stubs from the movie house. Running my fingers over the beautiful woodwork, I gently closed the lid and replaced the box under the mattress.

Again in the early hours of the morning, I ventured stealthily out of the hotel and made my way to Carlisle's old home. Even though I had not been in the city for many years, my vampire memory directed me straight to Carlisle's house which was not far from the hospital. I walked around the bottom floor and slipped through the kitchen window that had been left slightly open for the tabby cat to sneak in and out during the night.

Stealthily, I made my way to the study without delay and pried the floorboards loose, spying the large box hidden beneath almost immediately. Rather than open the metal box there, I left the house and ran back to Elizabeth's house and settled myself under her window, shifting until I was comfortable on the rocky ground.

Just listening to her gentle breathing and steady heartbeat calmed me. In and out, thump, thump, thumpity thump. More precious than any melody I could compose. My heart no longer pumped and I no longer needed to breathe but she made me feel that although I was no longer human, I was still a man. I was a man in love with a beautiful woman.

I undid the top few buttons of my shirt and slipped my fingers inside to retrieve the thin chain hidden beneath. As soon as my fingers grasped it, I slipped the chain over my head and using the key hanging from the end, I unlocked the box. I knew exactly what was in the box; Carlisle having shown it to me not long before we left Chicago, but still I picked up each item, turning it over in my hands before putting it aside and reaching for the next.

In the very bottom of the box resided two identical jewelery boxes and these were what I wanted to take with me at the moment. One contained my mother's engagement and wedding rings and the other my father's wedding ring.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**Forks 2005**.

So deep into my memories had I sunk, that it was not until Carlisle sat next to me on the couch and my mouth watered with the scent of Bella's blood, did I even realize he had been standing in the doorway of my room for some minutes. He was smiling widely, and when I understood the reason why, I jumped to my feet, hurrying over to my dressing room to get ready for the next stage of Carlisle's plan.

While I had been lost in my blissful thoughts of Elizabeth, Carlisle had walked into my room and stood at the door with the lid of the vial containing Bella's blood open. I had not even flinched until I started sniffing the air as he moved closer to me on the couch.

Yes, her blood still called to me and it was difficult to be around without venom pooling in my mouth. However, the constant exposure to more and more of her blood over the last two days had desensitised me to such an extent that I didn't become feral and uncontrollable in the presence of it.

I was feeling more confident that I could be around her, if not comfortably, at least without being in imminent danger of ending her life. Much as it chafed to have been separated from her again, I would do anything it took to be reunited with my heart and soul.

Emmett was already downstairs at the front door, waiting for Carlisle and I to descend the stairs and head over to Bella's house. He had apparently been pacing the floor for quite a while and was becoming impatient. Rose and Esme had left half an hour before to hunt and he was bored with his wife and Jasper, his gaming partner, both out of the house.

"Hey, lover boy! Get your ass down here. It's approaching the witching hour and your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to lay a big one on Bella's lips."

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett. Do not speak about Bella that way. This is just about being comfortable around her at school so that I don't kill her during biology or at lunch in the cafeteria."

"Ooh, Eddie…you just said fuck again. You can keep on denying it, but it is completely obvious to all of us that you have a huge thing for Bella." Emmett sniggered.

"Emmett, I'm warning you!" I growled.

"Ah, Eddie, have you forgotten about Bella's little blue satin panties…and what you did when we left the house." He drawled as he tapped his nose, "Vampire nose…remember?"

I couldn't argue with that. He was right. I had ascertained from everyone's thoughts that each and every member of my family thought I was smitten with Bella and even Esme was secretly amused about my little adventure, as she called it, after I had discovered Bella's intimate apparel.

Still, Emmett's attitude was giving me the shits and as I walked past him, I elbowed him in the ribs, which pushed him through the window next to the door. As the glass shattered, and the shards scattered into the grass around him sprawled on the ground, I turned to Carlisle. "Sorry. I tripped going through the door. I'll fix it when we get back."

Emmett called after me as I took off down the driveway, "When you least expect it, Eddie-boy! When you least expect it…I will get you back for that!"

I ignored him, as I often did, and slowed my pace so that he and Carlisle could catch up to me. First we hunted and when I was full, we made our way to the Swan residence. Following Carlisle's lead, we easily scaled the tree outside of Bella's window and sat on the sturdy branch overlooking her room.

I could smell her blood calling to me, but it was more than bearable, here outside with a pane of thick glass and the length of the room between us. Carlisle leaned forward and raised the window, the three of us cringing when the window squeaked slightly as it lifted in the frame.

Now, the tang of her blood was stronger, I had to swallow the venom which started to pool in my mouth as the scent of freesia drifted over my tongue. I leaned forward to get a closer look at Bella asleep on the bed. It had been over a week and I was missing her sweet smile. At my sudden movement, Carlisle and Emmet both reached out and grabbed an arm each to hold me in place.

Instinctively, I switched into fight mode at being held back from my love, but then relaxed in the knowledge that if I slipped up, my family truly had my back. I whispered that I was okay and wanted to try to get a little closer. Carlisle voiced his concerns, however, he reluctantly agreed when I looked him in the eyes and told him firmly that I was okay.

Emmett entered the room first, and then Carlisle and finally I slipped into Bella's bedroom. I was instantly reminded of the first night that Elizabeth had invited me to her room so long ago. Her decorous white nightgown and her long hair plaited over her shoulders as she combed my hair with her fingers and read to me.

Bella's hair was gloriously loose, flowing over her shoulders and freshly washed. The strong scent of her strawberry shampoo made me smile. Some things never change. Elizabeth had favored a fruity shampoo heavily scented with strawberries also. Where Elizabeth had been covered head to foot in white cotton, Bella, on the other hand, slept in a form fitting tank top and tiny little sleep shorts so that much of her skin was on display where her quilt cover had been kicked partially aside. I was mesmerized by the sight until Emmett opened his big, fat mouth.

"Nice…" Emmett started to whisper, and I flung my hand out and wrapped it around his throat glaring at him before he could finish his comment.

"_Dude, I'm just saying… your little human has a hot little bod_!" in his mind since my fingers prevented him from actually speaking out loud.

I was just about to threaten Emmett with telling Rose when Bella mumbled in her sleep, just as she had the night Carlisle had collected her blood.

"When he shall die…make the face of heaven so fine…all the world will be in love with night…."

Emmett sniggered and I punched him again. _Dude, stop with the punching. You will wake up Shakespeare girl over there. Only you could find someone that quotes Shakespeare in her sleep. She is the perfect girl for you, Nerdward!"_

"Emmett, I swear to G…."

"Edward," Bella whispered and all three sets of eyes shot to the bed, sure that we had been discovered. But no, Bella's eyes were still closed, her eyelids fluttering while she dreamed.

"Edward, no…no…please no…" Bella started to shake on the bed and I reached forward to tuck her quilt more warmly around her. Carlisle was instantly by my side but stepped back a little when he could see in my face that my control was intact. I still felt the keen burn of her blood searing its way from my nostrils and engulfing my throat, but my main concern was to comfort her through her nightmare, not drain her blood from her body.

Tears started to slip from under her closed eyelids and I gently wiped them from her cheeks.

"You're so cold. Edward, E, come back to me, don't leave me, I can't bear it."

"…mm…gr.. please don't die."

I couldn't bear it and without thinking of the consequences I leaned down and gently pressed my lips against hers whispering,"I'm here now, Bella. Everything will be alright."

As if she had heard me, Bella sighed deeply and snuggled deeper into her pillow, falling into a heavy sleep.

End Notes:

Quite a bit of historical info and places in this chapter again.. If you are interested I have some images on my blog of the church and Navy Pier etc plus I post pic teasers before I post the next chapter usually while it is being beta'd.

www(dot)edwardsisobel(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Love Fred Astaire – before Fred was seen in musicals he danced on Broadway in the 1920's mainly with his sister Adele.


	12. Chapter 12 Restraint

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Not quite as quickly updated as intended, but I have been busy extending my other multi-chap fic, Menage a Trois, as well.**

**A big thank you to my master beta, Terri, beans827, for making this story look good.**

**This chapter is all in the present time in Forks 2005 for those readers who are dying for Bella and Edward to see each other again. **

**Chapter 12 – Restraint**

A Saint in her aureole,

A Chatelaine in her tower,

All that contains the soul

Of human grace and amour.

The gilded note, the sound

Of a horn in the woods far away,

Wed to the tender pride found

In noble ladies of yesterday.

With that the lofty charm

Of a fresh conquering smile

Born in the swan's pure calm

And the blushes of a grown child.

Pearl aspects, of white and rose,

Sweet partition harmony,

I see, I hear all I suppose,

In its Carolingian identity.

_(Paul Verlaine, A Saint in her Aureole, translation of La Bonne Chanson, VIII)_

_From Chapter 11-_

"_Edward, no…no…please no…" Bella started to shake on the bed and I reached forward to tuck her quilt more warmly around her. Carlisle was instantly by my side but stepped back a little when he could see in my face that my control was intact. I still felt the keen burn of her blood searing its way from my nostrils and engulfing my throat, but my main concern was to comfort her through her nightmare, not drain her blood from her body._

_Tears started to slip from under her closed eyelids and I gently wiped them from her cheeks. _

"_You're so cold. Edward, E, come back to me, don't leave me, I can't bear it."_

"…_mm…gr.. please don't die."_

_I couldn't bear it and without thinking of the consequences I leaned down and gently pressed my lips against hers whispering, "I'm here now Bella, everything will be alright."_

_As if she had heard me, Bella sighed deeply and snuggled deeper into her pillow, falling into a heavy sleep._

**Forks 2005**

**-Edward-**

"Edward, it's time to leave," Carlisle whispered to get my attention as he grabbed my elbow and pulled me towards the window. "We've been here long enough."

The three of us slipped quietly out of the window and I ran ahead of Carlisle and Emmett on the way home, mainly to avoid answering the questions they were both peppering me with as we left Bella's room.

I just wanted to revel in the feeling of euphoria that had overtaken me when I realized that Bella dreamt of me. True, she was having nightmares and it saddened me that she was upset, but on the other hand, her subconscious was obviously aware that we had met before. It might make it easier to get closer to her more quickly, so that I could take care of her. There was no way that I was going to lose her now that I had found her again.

When our home was in sight, I avoided the front door and ran straight to the side of the house and jumped up, through the window, straight into my room. I needed a plan to get close to Bella and we had to leave for school in less than six hours. Hopefully that was enough time to get myself organized.

I couldn't help but overhear the disappointed thoughts of Rose and Esme when they realized I had avoided them. They immediately cornered Carlisle and Emmett as they entered the house a minute or so behind me and demanded to know what had happened. They both falsely assumed, by my behavior in avoiding them, that things had not gone well and I had gone to my room to sulk.

Before Carlisle had had the chance to say more than two words, Emmett blurted out, "Our little Eddie had his first kiss!"

_Puhlease! Did my family truly believe I had never even kissed a girl before?_

Esme literally squealed, and with my vampire hearing, that shit really hurt. "Oh Edward, I'm so happy that you have finally found someone. Wait…how did that happen? Wasn't she supposed to be asleep? Did she wake up when you were in her room? Didn't she scream the house down if she woke up to three men in her room?"

Carlisle actually chuckled, "No, Esme, Bella was asleep the whole time we were there."

Rose just snorted in disgust, "Oh my God, Edward, you are such a little pervert."

Carlisle as always defended me, "Rose, that's enough. Bella was in the middle of a nightmare and Edward merely comforted her. Now if you will excuse me; I just need to have a few words with Edward."

I could hear his footsteps ascending the stairs and I moved to the door to unlock and open it to admit him. His mind was busy with thoughts of the process we had undertaken and how he could adapt it to help Jasper with his control issues as well. I was happy for Jasper, he struggled so much with his bloodlust even now after 50 years. The guilt and remorse he felt whenever his control had shattered on previous occasions had overwhelmed him and he often felt unworthy to be a part of this family.

I was leaning against my doorway when Carlisle reached my room and the smile on his face was a sight to behold. He didn't often have the chance to fulfill his assumed role of our father figure, and to be able to help me when I needed him, made him feel as proud as if he was, in truth, my father.

As he approached me, my normal diffidence crumbled and I hugged him unreservedly, "Carlisle, words cannot express how grateful I am for your help over this weekend. It would have killed me to be responsible for Bella's death. I would most likely have drained her in the very near future if it wasn't for you. Thank you."

Carlisle was stunned for a minute, not having been hugged by me for a few decades at least. When he had gathered his wits, he hugged me back equally as fiercely. "Edward, I would do anything for you, you know that. I have loved you like a son from the moment I made the decision to change you. If this girl makes you happy then who..."

I sprang away from Carlisle as if burned. I don't know why exactly I couldn't confide in the family. I had buried my feelings and sorrow so deeply so that I could continue to function that I couldn't bring myself to talk about what had happened previously. The most important thing now though was to keep Bella safe.

"Carlisle, this has nothing to do with any feelings. Bella Swan appears to be my singer and I would just rather not kill a classmate and force the family to move again. That's all."

Carlisle smiled and put his hands up indicating he would back off.

"Okay, okay...I really only came up to give you this vial with Bella's blood. I have strung it onto a platinum chain for you to wear around you neck. This way you will be constantly surrounded by her blood and won't be overwhelmed if you come upon Bella unexpectedly after a time away from her."

I took the chain that Carlisle passed to me, securing it around my neck and under my t-shirt. The blood was strong this close and this concentrated, I couldn't help but take a big breath and delight in the burn in my throat.

One last press to my shoulder and Carlisle left the room, still wondering at my reaction to Bella. He was certain that there was more to the story but was content to let me do things my way for the moment.

I was sure that he let me do things my way a lot because of the choice he had made for me, to change me. I had given him hell about that choice, as did Rosalie, who made no secret of the fact that she would rather be human. We both conveniently ignored the fact that, without Carlisle, our options had been taken away from us by circumstance anyway. I would have been dead within the day from Spanish Influenza and Rosalie was already dying after being raped and beaten by her fiancé. I guess we were more like children looking to lay blame anywhere we could.

Regardless, Carlisle felt needed and wanted when he could help us.

After Carlisle left my room, I spent some time on getting my clothes organized for the morning, wanting to make the right impression on Bella. I wanted to look good but not as if I had made the effort to look good. _Damn, where was Alice when I actually wanted her advice?_

Alice loved clothes. She spent a lot of time shopping to fill in time and liked to design clothes as well. Sometimes she even went so far as to try to coordinate our clothes for outings and school but usually we ignored her and just wore what we wanted. She would pout but Jasper was always able to cajole her out of her bad moods. Unfortunately for him, the most effective way was to allow Alice to dress him.

We still give Jasper hell for some of the outfits that Alice made him wear in the eighties. My favorite memory of that time was of Jasper looking like a fifth member of the band Flock of Seagulls_, _all frilly lace at the throat and wrists; how Alice got his hair to stand up straight and then roll over like a wave was a mystery.

After much deliberation, I finally picked out black jeans, a white v-neck t-shirt and a blue button down shirt. I remember wearing this same outfit a few months ago and according to Lauren's and Jessica's thoughts that day, I looked_ fuckhawt_! I hoped Bella would like it. She had hardly looked at me last Monday, but today, I hoped that we could talk and progress things along to make it easier to look after her.

Even though I had hunted before we had gone to Bella's house, I needed to do something to calm my nerves as well as to fill up some more time. I jumped out of my window and after about a half hour, I found a small herd of deer. I only needed to top up a little and when I finished, I ran to a little meadow that I had found a year ago. For whatever reason, it soothed me to be here. During the day, I could remove my shirt and revel in the feel of the sun against my bare chest. At night, the moon's rays bathed the meadow in a soft glow and I lay there thinking about another meadow where I had fallen in love. Then all I could think about was how I would be reunited with my one and only love in a few short hours.

My peace was disturbed when my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I sat up and retrieved it, clicking it open to hold it out from my ear when a squealing Alice came on the line.

"It worked, Edward, it worked. You will talk to Bella today in the lab and not only that..."

I interrupted her, "Alice, stop for a breath, okay? Are you home yet from your weekend away?"

"No, we are about 30 minutes away."

"Alice, could you do me a favor and try to block out what will happen today. I don't want to see things before I get to do them in real life. I just need to know that I will maintain my control around Bella. I don't want to know anything else, okay?"

I loved Alice, probably more than anyone else in the family, but sometimes her ability could get on my nerves. I was sick of continually seeing what would happen in my life before it happened. At first it was cool when Alice came to live with us, but after a while, it took the enjoyment out of actually experiencing life. I had to continually remind Alice to block her visions unless it was a matter of life or death or financial matters. I was not completely stupid. Having Alice around definitely improved our finances, particularly on the stock market.

"Are you sure, Edward? I am pretty sure you will like what I see."

"Yes, Alice, I'm sure. As long as you don't see me lunging for her throat at any point during the day, I would rather not know."

"You take all the fun out of having visions, you know, Edward."

"I know, Alice; but if you had the choice, wouldn't you rather experience things with Jasper as they happen rather than in your head first? Like the first time he told you he loved you? Or to actually be surprised when you receive a present? Or experiencing what making love with Jasper for the first time was like without knowing beforehand?"

Alice was quiet for a moment and I was worried that I had offended her.

"Alice, I..."

"You're right, Edward. I would love to have experienced those things first hand. I will do my best to shield you from any visions I have regarding you and Bella. And by the way, the outfit you chose has the desired effect." She hung up chuckling.

I stood up and brushed some stray leaves and sticks from my clothes. Slowly I made my way back to the house, arriving just as Alice and Jasper pulled up in front of the garage.

"Jasper, Carlisle is excited to get started on the blood immersion process with you. It appears to have worked really well for me. He is waiting in the study right now."

Jasper watched me quizzically for a moment, a smile spreading over his face when he felt the feelings coming off me in waves. As he walked past me, he slapped me on the back, "Am I ever happy to be around you right now, Edward. I feel hope and contentment; things I haven't felt around you for a very long time. Love you, bro!"

Alice stood there smiling brightly, just chanting one word over and over in her mind. I rolled my eyes at her. To block her vision of today, she was chanting, _Bella, Bella, Bella_ over and over. The little minx! I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her tightly before kissing her on the forehead, "Thank you, Alice. Without your help, your visions, I suspect Bella Swan would now be dead at my own hands. I love you."

Vampire hearing being what it was, Jasper heard me and yelled out. "Edward, getting cocky, are we? Kissing one girl tonight not enough for you, eh? Put down my wife please, before I come down and bust your ass."

I chuckled and kissed Alice again on the cheek with a smacking sound, then released her and ran back into the house to get ready for the day, feeling immeasurably more light-hearted than I had in years.

As the five of us moved towards the garage a half hour later, Esme and Carlisle waved us off to school. I felt like I truly was a teenager and our parents were seeing us off for the day. Esme hugged me as I moved through the door, hoping to make it past them before she decided to give me the advice she was formulating in her mind. No such luck. Her deceptively slim arms pulled me back to face her.

"Edward, now remember, a girl likes to be complimented and have attention paid to her. Say something nice about what she is wearing or the color of her eyes."

"Esme, I'm only going to sit next to her in class, you know, not ask her for a date."

"Why not? Why don't you ask her for a date, Edward?"

"Gotta go or we'll be late," I said, disconnecting my arm from hers and jumping into the back of Emmett's jeep. "Let's go." I thumped the back of Emmett's seat, anxious to be away from Esme's probing questions.

Emmett complied by roaring out of the garage and down the long driveway at a speed not wise in the rain, even for a bunch of vampires. Then, he spent the entire drive to school clucking like a chicken even after I delivered several hard whacks to his head.

Jasper was no help at all. He just chuckled the whole way and threw in the occasional meow all the while thinking _scaredy cat, scaredy cat_. As best as I could, I tuned them out after commenting on their mental ages and wondering what the hell my sisters saw in them. I could have kicked myself for saying it when Emmett started to catalogue his manly accomplishments with Rose with accompanying pictorial images. I mimed puking and wished I had kept my big mouth shut. The annoying clucking was infinitely preferable to images of Emmett's dick plundering Rose.

We arrived only moments before the bell sounded, signalling the start of the school day. Bella was already here, her large red truck sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all the boring suburban vehicles. Her scent lingered in her truck which we passed on the way to the front entrance as well as in the hallway as we separated into our various classes.

My first class of the day was Math; my next was Biology…with Bella. My stomach roiled, it felt like a mass of butterflies were flying around in there. I wondered whether I had actually drunk too much before coming to school. I had never heard of a vampire vomiting up blood before, but I was thinking I might be the first. The math class seemed to take forever, but finally, the bell sounded and I rushed to the lab.

I wanted to be there first to mentally prepare myself for meeting Bella again. Emmett was in the next room and for once he kept himself reined in and resisted teasing me. In fact, according to his thoughts, he was almost as nervous as I was about this class with Bella. Despite all the teasing and the rough-housing that Emmett enjoyed with Jasper and me, he truly loved the family with a depth that would seem quite surprising if you took him at face value. Underneath his large build, he had such a heart of gold and was genuinely overjoyed that I might, in his view, have found someone to love. It didn't faze him one little bit that Bella was human, unlike a few others in the family who were plagued with concerns.

A sudden case of nerves hit me as more students started filing into the room. I felt exactly like a seventeen year old boy with his first crush. I don't even think I felt this nervous around a girl when I was actually a seventeen year old human. In every other time that I had found my soul mate in her previous lives, she had been a little older, and circumstances were always such that our relationship had occurred in an adult environment.

How was this going to work? I was starting to panic. My supposed plans for the day completely flew from my brain. Bella was 17 and in 2005 that was considered very young. She was too young to be involved in a serious relationship, too young to consider marriage. How would I be able to protect her if we would only be able to be with each other on occasion? My mind was going haywire. What the hell was I thinking? I don't think I'm ready to do this. I had even gone so far as to stand up to leave the room when I felt a wave of calm descend over me and Jasper's whispered words, "Y_ou can do this, Edward."_

I took deep breath and thanked Jasper under my breath. It wasn't like this was the first time I had had to approach my soul mate when technically she didn't know me from Adam. Mind you, not knowing what Bella was thinking was an added complication I had never had to face before. Along with the alluring call of her blood, the lack of access to her mind had certainly been sent to try me after all this time.

I closed my eyes to center myself and it was at that point in time that I felt the pull my body had towards Bella kick in. I opened my eyes and there she was, standing in the doorway staring at me, as if she could hardly believe her eyes. As if in a daze, she almost glided across the floor, past the other tables and slipped into her seat, never taking her eyes from mine. _Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all?_

Her heaven-scented blood, pumping through her delicate purple veins just below the surface of her pale skin, still called to me but the pull was so much less than it had been a week ago. My throat still burned, quite strongly, in fact, but it was manageable, with enough concentration. I smiled at her and opened my mouth to introduce myself.

**-Bella-**

Sunday passed quietly with Charlie and me visiting Harry and Sue Clearwater, for his famous fish fry for lunch. I spent most of the time talking to their daughter Leah, while her little brother Seth, kept coming into her room and annoying us.

That night as I prepared for bed, I was thinking of Edward again. I hoped that he would be there at school in the morning, that he was okay. I found it difficult to go to sleep with my irrational worries; it wasn't like I actually knew the guy or anything. It was just odd that he bore an extreme likeness to the boy in my dreams.

I tried to distract myself by reading the rest of Romeo and Juliet. Of course, I knew the ending of the story. I had read the play countless times and had seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. _ Ungh! _ I still cried in the final scene where both the lovers died by their own hands. It was sad, so sad. True love never worked out.

All the great love stories involved the lovers being separated by death or circumstance: Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare in Love, West Side Story, Casablanca, Charlie and Renee Swan. My parents had sworn that they truly loved each other but they had just been too young to make it work. In my opinion, true love was not all it was cracked up to be.

I finally drifted off to sleep, the tears drying on my cheeks.

That was the first night I had a nightmare involving Edward Cullen.

The dream started the same as it had on Friday night. E and I had been in the meadow and he was reading to me. I was tracing his lips with the petals of the flower. He was smiling into my eyes as he reached up and traced my lips with his fingers before leaning over to me and placing that first butterfly kiss on my mouth. I had closed my eyes in ecstasy at his touch. When he lay back down, I shivered at the loss of his warmth. A cool breeze swept through the field then and the day darkened behind my eyelids.

I opened my eyes then and looked down at E. He was lying back on the ground now with his eyes closed, like he was asleep. The pages of his book were fluttering in the breeze. It was lying open on the blanket as if dropped from his outstretched hand. I leaned down then to touch his face and pulled back abruptly when my fingers touched ice-cold skin. I started to shake him but he did not move or open his eyes. I started to scream and scream, when suddenly, he opened his eyes, except they were no longer green, they were Edward's dark, black eyes staring back at me.

His lips parted, and with his beautiful velvety voice he whispered, "I dreamt my lady came and found me dead," then closed his eyes again before vanishing into thin air.

I was by myself in the field of flowers screaming his name over and over.

"Edward, E, come back to me, don't leave me...don't leave me. I can't bear it."

My vision went black as I continued to scream into the darkness surrounding me, "Edward, come back, please come back, please don't die."

In the dark, I heard Edward's soothing voice crooning to me and I swear I could feel his cold lips touch my burning ones. Too soon the feeling was gone, but I felt reassured by the small comfort he offered as I drifted back into unconsciousness.

My deep sleep was short lived, however, when my dreams came back full force suddenly. One moment I was asleep and the next, I was standing out in the open air, but this time it was a horrifying scene which met my eyes. This time, I was in a cemetery watching as 3 coffins were slowly lowered into the ground. It was raining lightly and the sky was grey. In one hand, I held a red umbrella over me and in my other hand was a bunch of wildflowers I had collected from our secret meadow. I moved forward then and looked down into the grave where the coffin closest to me had been lowered. I could barely see through the tears pooled in my eyes, but I knew that the coffin I was staring at was Edward's, and the pain of his dying was unbearable.

I stretched out my right hand, the one that was carrying the wildflowers and opened my fingers slowly, letting the stems drop one by one into the hole. When the last petal kissed the lid of his coffin and lay still, I turned and walked slowly through the rain, knowing that the love of my life was gone forever.

I woke up then, panting and sweating and crying. The agony burning through my chest felt so real. I could still feel the coolness of the breeze of the cemetery rippling over my skin.

I started worrying again that Edward Cullen was really sick, and even though I did not know him outside of my dreams, I felt the bottom fall out of my world. I whispered over and over, "Please don't die, please don't die."

I convinced myself finally that it was just a bad dream, and the line about his lady finding him dead was from Romeo and Juliet. My overactive imagination was sure working overtime again. I rolled over in my bed, plumped my pillows, smoothed my covers and finally went back to sleep, thankfully dreamless this time.

Monday eventually dawned and it could not have come soon enough for me. I was anxious to see if Edward would be at school today. If he was there, I was determined that I was going to talk to him; to finally get to the bottom of this mystery that was driving me completely crazy.

As I drove into school parking lot, I couldn't see any of the Cullens' cars in the parking lot. I noticed last week that sometimes they rode in a little sporty red car, sometimes a big black jeep and once in the silver Volvo I saw on the first day. I parked my old faded red Chevy truck in my usual spot and even though the bell was due to ring any minute, there was no sign of them anywhere.

I was distracted all the way through my first class and then it was time for biology. I rushed to the lab and entered the room a little breathlessly. My eyes went straight to my table and there he was, in all his glory. If anything, he looked even more gorgeous today than he had last week. In fact, he looked like he had stepped straight out of a modelling shoot to attend school.

My shoulders sagged in relief. He was watching me as I walked into the room and he actually smiled at me as I took my seat. I was dazzled but confused. His attitude towards me had taken an abrupt about face from the last time he had been here beside me.

I saw his lips move and I shook my head to clear it, amazed that his voice sounded the same as in my dreams, although I am not sure I should be surprised by anything at this point.

"Hello, I'm sorry I never got the chance to introduce myself the other day. I'm Edward Cullen and you're Bella."

I nodded my head in a daze and reached out my hand to take his when he hesitated.

I barely heard his whispered words "Tempt not a desperate man," before he tentatively reached out and took my hand in his.

I gasped in shock, his fingers were ice cold just as he was in my nightmare, and on top of that, he was quoting Shakespeare. _Be still my beating heart!_

Involuntarily, I pulled back my hand a little too quick and just stared at him. From nowhere, more of Shakespeare's words came to me and I replied equally as quiet, "These violent delights have violent ends". His head whipped up and we stared at each other in shock.

_What the hell? Why did I just say that? He will think I am such a nerd!_

The situation with Edward just officially got weirder. His cold hands and his piercing gaze were seriously spooking me. I jumped in shock when Mr Banner materialized in front of our table and plonked down some little jars containing items to examine under the microscope. In the short time I had been distracted by the teacher, Edward had moved the microscope to rest in between us on the lab table and opened his book to the relevant page.

As he readied the first slide to examine under the scope, I turned to him and asked him the question I needed to know to allay my worries for the last week.

"You've been absent from school for days. Is everything okay?" I murmured to him so as not to bring attention to our table.

Edward swung his gaze away from the slide and fixed it on mine, watching me for a while before answering. I am not too sure what he was looking for, but evidently, he found it because he replied and satisfied my curiosity finally.

"Um…I have been unwell and had to stay away from school to recover."

"You looked terrible last week…"

He snorted and raised his eyebrow. I blushed and stammered, "I mean…um…you looked feverish and…and your eyes were really dark. I was worried when you didn't come to school for the rest of the week."

"Well, Bella, I am very sorry I worried you. However, you do not need to be concerned for me; I have a rather unusual blood disorder…"

Edward broke off suddenly and his eyes darted to the back wall where I had heard a loud guffaw moments before. _Strange._

"A blood disorder…that sounds serious. Were you in hospital for a blood transfusion?"

Again, I heard a noise and Edward was frowning at the wall.

Distracted now, he returned his gaze to me with a small smile hovering around his lips.

"No, Bella, I stayed at home under the care of my father. He is a doctor at Forks Hospital, Carlisle Cullen. He has looked after me since I became a part of his family."

"Oh, well that's lucky. It's not life threatening is it? This blood disorder of yours?"

The whole class was disrupted when loud hysterics could be heard from the next room. I could hear someone call out, "Emmett, please compose yourself or you will have to leave the room. Emmett Cullen, please cease that noise immediately. Mr Cullen, you will leave this room immediately and report to the principal."

Moments later the hulking figure of Emmett Cullen could be seen walking past the room still chuckling. Just before he was out of sight, he glanced up, looked me straight in the eye, and wiggled his fingers at me. My mouth dropped open in shock.

_What was with the Cullens today? Did they pop some happy pills or something?_

Once the class had settled down, I turned back to look at Edward.

"What was that about?" I asked him.

"Emmett is amused easily," Edward replied. "Something must have just set him off. He has some control issues."

I nodded, "Why did he wave at me?"

"Ah…I think he was waving at me."

I blushed. Of course he wasn't waving at me; I was plain and not very noticeable.

"So, is this illness you have life threatening?"

Edward smirked at me. "Should I be worried that you seem to be hoping I will drop dead soon?"

I blushed yet again. Something I was finding hard to control around this enigmatic boy. "Edward, oh my God, I am so sorry. I am being nosy. It is really none of my business."

"It's okay, Bella. You can ask me anything, and no, I will not die from this disorder."

Mr Banner appeared in front of us again and, thankfully, as we had been talking, Edward had been busy setting up the first slide for viewing. We each took turns examining the slides and filling out the forms provided. I had done similar experiments in Phoenix so the answers had come easily to me and Edward seemed to have no trouble identifying each slide either.

We breezed through the work, finishing the questionnaire well before the rest of the class, so I took the opportunity to ask him the question which had been plaguing me since I had first laid eyes on him in this room.

"Edward, can I ask you a question?"

He glanced up from his notebook and nodded slowly when he met my eyes. I was lost for long moments, floating in the warm golden sea of his eyes. _Beautiful._

I shook my head to rid myself of its sudden stupor and plucked up my courage, "This may seem like a really strange question, but have we met before? You seem very familiar to me, but I just can't seem to place where I know you from."

Right in front of my eyes, Edwards face broke out into the most brilliant smile I had ever seen. Then he lifted my fingers to his lips, just like I had seen him do before in my dreams, and gently kissed my knuckles before whispering, "Yes Bella, we have met before, but I'm not sure you'll believe me as to where."

My fingers were tingling from the contact with his cold hand and cold lips and it was a minute before his words caught up with me. _What the hell did he mean?_

End Note:

Thanks so much for reading.

I post teasers on my blog for all of my stories : . and you can find me on twitter edwardsisobel


	13. Chapter 13 Resolve

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Not quite as quickly updated as intended, had a little writers block, entered a few contests and hurt my arm and couldn't type for weeks but here it is…**

**A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, Terri, beans827, for making this story look good.**

**Chapter 13 – Resolve**

Memory, with the Twilight's dusky light,

Reddening, trembles on the burning sky's

Hope-filled horizon: flames that, in their height,

Glimmering backward, forward, seem to rise

Like some mysterious wall, where trellis-wise,

Many a flower lies in the gathering night

-Buttercup, dahlia, tulip, lily-white-

Spread, basking in their heavy-perfumed sighs,

Hot, torpid-breathed, whose poisons mesmerize

-Buttercup, dahlia, tulip, lily-white-

And drown my mind, my soul, my ears, my eyes

In one consuming swoon, where, listless, lies

Memory, with the Twilight's dusky light.

_(Paul Verlaine, Mystical Evening Twilight, translation of Crépuscule de soir Mystique )_

_From Chapter 12-_

"Edward, can I ask you a question?"

He glanced up from his notebook and nodded slowly when he met my eyes. I was lost for long moments, floating in the warm golden sea of his eyes. _Beautiful._

I shook my head to rid myself of its sudden stupor and plucked up my courage, "This may seem like a really strange question, but have we met before? You seem very familiar to me, but I just can't seem to place where I know you from."

Right in front of my eyes, Edward's face broke out into the most brilliant smile I had ever seen. Then he lifted my fingers to his lips, just like I had seen him do before in my dreams, and gently kissed my knuckles before whispering, "Yes Bella, we have met before, but I'm not sure you'll believe me as to where."

My fingers were tingling from the contact with his cold hand and cold lips and it was a minute before his words caught up with me. _What the hell did he mean?_

**Forks 2005**

**-Edward-**

_She remembered me! _

Or, at the very least, it seemed that her subconscious knew me, knew that I was familiar and was trying to bring me to the surface of Bella's brain through her vivid dreams. Could it be this easy? Could I simply tell Bella that we'd met each other before in her previous lives and the prompt would trigger her mind to remember everything?

Bella's question threw me for a loop; never once had my soul mate recognized me to this extent. Our souls had always been drawn together naturally and I had used that, and the fact that I could read my love's mind, to my advantage in pursuing a relationship.

_She remembered me!_

That's all I could think about as I watched her, watching me, nervously biting her lip after she had asked her question. I was leaving her hanging as I stared at her, her nervousness increasing as I worked through the feelings her recognition caused, my inner turmoil as I sorted through a half dozen scenarios about what to tell her.

_She remembered me!_

Without realizing it, my hand had snaked across the table and taken hers within its firm grip. The feel of her warm skin, her blood flowing so close to the surface, each heartbeat pulsing against the pads of my fingers woke me from the daze her words invoked.

The desire to touch her, to feel her warm skin against mine had always been strong, overpowering, and that had not waned over time. I had never been able to get close enough to her to be satisfied, not even in the throes of passion that we had shared over the years.

Could it be different…more…all encompassing, if she knew all there was to know? Would our union transcend the highest plane if she knew and remembered how deep our bond truly was?

There was only one way to find out and it scared me to death, but maybe…just maybe if Bella knew everything there was to know, this time my soul mate would stay by my side for all eternity. To share my life with my dearest girl and not be alone any more was almost too much to hope for, as resigned as I was to being the odd one out at home. To no longer be weighed down by the constant pity and concern that surrounded my family when they were reminded of my solitary status whenever they were knee deep in connubial bliss would be heaven alone.

I lifted our joined hands and kissed her knuckles as I whispered, "Yes, Bella, we have met before, but I'm not sure you'll believe me as to where."

Everything faded from my mind but the sight of Bella's chocolate brown eyes inches from my own, widening in surprise, the sound of her indrawn gasp at my words as her fingers tightened around my own.

We could have been alone in the room - the droning of Mr Banner in the background, the snickers and whispers of our fellow classmates, even the lewd and disgusting thoughts that Newton was thinking about my girl faded away as I watched the vivid play of Bella's thoughts and emotions flitting across her face, her eyes searching mine to get a handle on what my words could possibly mean.

It could easily have been hours, I was so distracted by the look in her eyes, but probably less than a minute before our joined contemplation of my words was rudely interrupted by Mr Banner stopping in front of our table and sniggering.

"Well, well, well, Mr Cullen, it seems that something more interesting than our lab work has finally caught your attention." Mr Banner's thoughts matched his tone of voice perfectly. He was unusually gleeful that he might have caught me goofing off for the first time, he had been rather disgruntled from the first day I took this class and he realized that I knew more about his subject than he did.

"Maybe you should release Miss Swan from your obviously unwanted advances and get back to work, unless you want to come back and finish the lab tests on your lunch break?" he snapped out, triumphant at being able to embarrass me…or so he thought.

This idiot had been getting on my nerves for months now and he was going to pay for making fun of Bella in front of the class. I didn't care a bit about what he said about me but I could tell Bella was embarrassed by his remarks by the heightened color in her cheeks moments before she ducked her head and the chocolate silk of her hair swished down to hide her face from his gaze.

I released Bella's fingers slowly and turned to Mr Banner. "Sir, if you would care to take a look down at the lab table, you will see that Miss Swan and I have already finished the slides and the write up. No apology necessary for assuming otherwise, since the rest of the class is proceeding at a snail's pace." Banner's face turned a particularly nasty shade of puce as he sputtered and struggled to find words to cover his humiliation.

Unable to do so, he stalked away from our table as he cursed at me in his feeble brain. "_Arrogant fuck!"_

Banner proceeded to Newton's table and took out his displeasure with me on that group, dishing out an earful of abuse for ruining their slides. I wasn't unhappy about this turn of events. It distracted Newton from his too thorough perusal of my lovely Isabella's form. I didn't want to have to hurt him…no actually that's not true…I really was inclined to hurt him but the thought of Esme's disappointment in me and Bella's obvious discomfort in being the center of attention was enough to curb my actions. For now!

"Edward," my attention spun back to Bella looking from me to the completed slides and my notes on the desk with a puzzled frown on her face. "When did you finish these? We've been talking ever since I walked into the room?"

"I've been working on them while we've been talking, Bella. I have done this particular lab before in my previous school, so it was easy to do."

Truth be told, I hardly remembered working on the damn slides, my mind was instead heavily occupied in mulling over everything that had happened this morning with Bella, and what and how much I should divulge to her about our shared past.

I felt incredibly stupid right now saying what I did to Bella not long before, but it was too late to take it back after blurting out the first thing that came to mind. It was unrealistic of me to assume that her memories would kick in when I told her where we had actually met, that she would instantly feel the deep connection and remember every detail of our lives together as I did. Why would she?

I didn't know if her dreams had started when she had met me in class last week and seeing my face again had triggered them or she had been having them long before that. I didn't really even know how detailed or vivid her dreams were.

Maybe I had it all wrong and she didn't remember me at all. Maybe she did simply just have a crush on me and her dreams stemmed from our meeting last week. I couldn't just rush in and blurt out everything based on a few disjointed words that I had gleaned from her dream last night when I was in her room.

I could hardly tell her I knew that she had been dreaming of me either. What would she think of me if she knew I'd heard her talking in her sleep while I was in her bedroom last night? She would probably think I was a stalker. Any sane person would and Bella seemed eminently sane and sensible to me.

If I tried to convince her that she was the reincarnation of my first and only love, long dead, she would probably add delusional psychopath to her list.

Most humans were sceptical of anything out of the ordinary or supernatural, regardless of the fact that the television and movie screens were filled with such tales. Very few people truly believed it and those that did, had it all so very wrong.

Yes, she would definitely think me a delusional psychopath if I started our conversation with that little gem!

And that was all without even mentioning the teeny, tiny, rather significant fact that I was a 107 year old vampire who could remember every single moment of every single minute since I had found her in Chicago in 1927. If I hadn't lived this life, I wouldn't believe such a tale myself.

Bella was looking at me expectantly and I still had no idea what to tell her. I hadn't planned for this. I had merely planned to say hello and engage in the general chitchat of anyone who meets for the first time, to get to know her, to get used to being so close to her and the scent of her divine smelling blood…..

_Blood. _

_Bella's blood! _

_Bella's signature scent, weaving its way around me, calling my name._

As if by thinking about it, the urge to taste it for myself grew exponentially stronger. I couldn't help but notice the fluttering of the vein close to the surface of her throat, her skin lily white, pale and fragile. The flow of red, rushing so close to me…so blessedly close I could almost taste it. It would take just a moment to appease the ache and burn in my throat, to quench the thirst that had lain dormant and waiting for over seventy years, the last time that human blood had crossed these lips. Marie's blood.

Marie….her image rushed at me through the red haze that seemed to blur my vision.

Elizabeths's sister.

I gasped, my hands flying to my face to cover my eyes as if I could blot out the images bombarding me. Of course those images continued to play across my mind regardless of my knuckles grinding into my eye sockets. Each image more soul destroying than the last.

Marie's eyes, old before their time and staring up at me, so trusting. Marie's lips, a bloody gash, red and jagged where she'd caught my sharp teeth while I'd been distracted. Marie's lifeless body, slumped and motionless and still warm, draped over my arms.

Without any warning, the image of Marie's face in my mind morphed into Bella's and I almost lost it at the sight. How easily it could be Bella lying dead in my arms, drained of her lifeblood because of me. And I had been so close to taking what my body demanded, without thought, without consequence, only moments before. I shuddered, sick to the stomach, shaking my head back and forth trying to dislodge the soul destroying images assaulting my senses.

"Edward, are you alright? Should you go to the nurse? Do you want me to call your father? One of your brothers?"

That thought, that horrible sad memory, and Bella's concern snapped me back to reality, the here and now, and off the dangerous path I had been travelling.

I peeled my hands away from my eyes slowly and looked at Bella with eyes that were dulled with the pain of my memories, both ancient and new. I could never atone enough for what happened to Marie, and to see Bella's trusting eyes looking at me with such tenderness and concern, unmanned me.

Moments ago all I could think about was her blood and how it would taste, how it would feel sliding down my throat. Now I just wanted to draw her to me, to take her in my arms and keep her safe, my thoughts only of her and how precious she was to me. I took the reprieve she offered to me though, and nodded my head, already clamping my lips shut to stop the draw of her exquisite scent into my body.

"Emmett," I croaked out, through barely open lips and Bella shot out of her seat and made her way to the front informing Banner of my illness and her plans to retrieve Emmett from the office to take me home. Banner looked at me through narrowed eyes but seemed satisfied that I was truly ill, in fact he thought I looked paler than normal, if that was possible, and with my lips clamped shut, I looked like I was going to throw up.

I stood up then and made my way to the door and mumbled to Banner that I would wait for Emmett out in front of the classroom, keeping up the pretense of illness even though my throat eased as soon as Bella's scent had left the room, a minute or two after she had.

I wanted Emmett to stand between me and Bella while I left the school to make sure that if my control failed he would save her from me. I know I hadn't given in to the urge before, I'd fought it, but I didn't know how long that would last today.

Emmett's thoughts reached me long before he and Bella did in person and I felt bad at the conflicting thoughts going through his mind. The excitement that Bella's request had caused because for once I needed him warred with his worry that this setback with Bella might cause me to leave again. He was sure that I would decide in my infinitely misguided opinion (his words) that everyone would be better off without my emo self moping around because my plan to get into Bella's pants (again his words) was thwarted.

Actually he wasn't too far wrong. Normally failing like I had today would have sent me into a cycle of self loathing and frustration and yes, it was true, would probably have led me to leave for a while. But this time, with the support of my family and my determination for things to work with Bella, I just knew that with a little more perseverance that I would be able to conquer my urges for her blood. I just needed a bit more time to become acclimated to Bella; I could already feel the difference just a few days made.

Emmett couldn't stop smiling as he rounded the corner. He was getting the chance to talk to Bella in person, the object of his brother's affection. Emmett sorely missed his human brother, Ethan, long dead these many years, and was jumping at the bit to take me under his wing and impart his knowledge of the fairer sex.

As soon as I saw them at the end of the hall, I stopped breathing and slumped against the wall as if weak with illness and whispered to him, so fast and so softly that Bella had no idea we were even conversing, to stand between Bella and I until we were safely away from the school.

"Thank you, Bella. I think I might have come back to school a little early, I'm not quite feeling myself just yet."

She nodded and started to walk back to the classroom as I moved away from the wall and walked towards the front door with Emmett pretending to support me. Bella called out to me just before we reached the outside world.

"Don't think I've forgotten that you haven't yet answered my question, Edward Cullen."

Emmett's eyebrows rose and he couldn't help himself, "Dude," he whispered, "has Bella asked you out?" then grunted as I elbowed him hard in the side.

"And you will get your answer, Bella." I called back and then added as an afterthought, "Soon!" as we exited the building.

I allowed Emmett to drive my Volvo out of the school grounds in case of inquisitive eyes and checked my phone and its myriad of texts that I had received in the last ten minutes, mostly from Alice, assuring me that I wouldn't kill Bella and that she would tell Rose that Emmett was taking me home. I hadn't even noticed my phone buzzing, as involved as I was in resisting Bella's blood at the time.

I sent her a quick text back thanking her and telling her that I would see her at home later.

It was a sign of how distracted I was that I had not said one word about Emmett's rally driving or punched him for his increasingly lewd thoughts about ways to get me laid and take the stick out of my ass. My mind was occupied with more important things.

Bella's parting words consumed me. I had spoken earlier without thinking and unfortunately Bella was not going to let it go until she was satisfied about where we met. I had already come to the conclusion that I couldn't tell her the truth but what could I say in its place?

Maybe something cheesy like she was the girl of my dreams? Although personally, I don't think it was that cheesy a line. I knew she dreamt about me so why couldn't I have been dreaming about her…which I had been.

Her dreams…maybe I could discern more about what she dreamt about if I spent a longer time there tonight? I could listen to her dreams and get more inured to her blood with the protection of Emmett and Carlisle once more. I turned to Emmett and frowned when I noticed him grinning at me already.

"What?" I huffed out grumpily.

Emmett guffawed and clapped me hard on the arm, "Eddie, this little girl has got you so tied up in knots that you didn't even flinch when I pictured my favourite nude pinup girls all the way back to 1945."

I punched him back and felt a little sad that I missed that…Miss May 1965 was a looker.

"Emmett, I need more time to get used to Bella's blood, before I spend any more time so close and on my own with her. I was alright for a while today, but I got distracted and almost lost it and drained her, consequences be damned. Will you come with me tonight to Bella's room and sit with me for a while?"

Emmett sobered up immediately and, of course, agreed wholeheartedly with my plan. I punched him then, and hard, as he wondered internally whether Bella would be wearing those teeny tiny sleep shorts again. The Volvo swerved all over the driveway, narrowly missing a tree as Emmett spun the wheel and parked out front.

Before we had taken two steps towards the front door, Esme was there worrying that something bad had happened. I quickly reassured her that I had left school as soon as I felt my control slipping. She hugged me quickly as I walked past, her thoughts devastated that I may never be able to be around Bella and what a shame that would be for our fledgling romance. Esme may have to lay off the Harlequin books in her downtime…

"It's okay, Esme, I was handling the blood pretty well until I got a little sidetracked. I think I just need a little more time and then it shouldn't be a problem."

Esme's smile lit up the room and her happiness for me was somewhat contagious. She was thinking the same thing as Emmett had earlier – that I would normally not have handled failure well and probably would have sulked for months or left again after what happened today.

Still smiling, I reclined on the black leather couch in my room and reflected on how much being around Bella had changed me. Instead of seeing today as a failure, I just saw it as one step closer to what I wanted, no needed, and that was to be with her for the long haul. I was simply grateful that she was in my life once more.

Today, we had talked; I had held her hand and kissed her fingers. She was living and breathing, and so was I, in a fashion, so we would have another chance to be together. If I had anything to do with it, this time would be forever.

Later that night, as Emmett, Carlisle and I made ourselves comfortable in Bella's room I watched her sleeping so peacefully, apparently dream free. When we had entered the room, Bella was wearing her little sleep shorts again and the cover had drifted down her legs. I adjusted the covers so she was not on display and sat on the floor next to the bed, facing her, watching every little breath she took.

Carlisle sat in the rocking chair at the foot of the bed and Emmett sat behind me on the windowsill ready to grab me back from Bella, if the blood lust became too strong.

As I expected, when I first entered her presence the call of her blood was strong and it burned as I inhaled but as the hours pressed on, it lessened slowly until it had become merely a slight irritation in my throat. I could have sat there for hours more just watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each breath, the barest flutter of her eyelashes as she entered REM sleep, the feel of her breath as it puffed in and out. And always the sweetest sound of all, the one I missed the most when she was gone; the beat of her precious heart, so steady and strong, continuously pumping out its own sweet melody - a tune that calmed my very soul to hear it.

**-Bella-**

I didn't doubt that Edward needed to leave school immediately when he indicated for me to get Emmett; his eyes were as black as pitch and had looked wild and a little unfocussed. I wondered if Edward regretted saying what he said. He started to look distinctly uncomfortable shortly after saying it, then very distracted. By the time he'd left, he'd not satisfied my curiosity. I couldn't resist calling him on it as he left but his answer made me wonder if I would hear the whole truth from him.

I wondered how long he would be absent from school this time and, therefore, how long it would take to get my answers. I was more than anxious to get to the bottom of this mystery, now more than ever after speaking to him and that kiss. My fingers still tingled where his cold lips had been and I had to stifle a groan of disappointment that the kiss was not against my lips.

I shivered at the memory of the bad dream from last night when Edward had been ice cold and dead. Obviously, he was not dead; he had been here sitting next to me and very much alive, judging by the glow in his golden eyes as he looked at me, before they had darkened and he was gone. I felt impatient at the delay and chaffed at having to wait yet again to get my questions answered.

I was completely oblivious to the rest of the crowd at my table in the cafeteria throughout lunch, unable to concentrate on the conversation when I wished my conversation with Edward had not been disrupted by the sudden onset of his illness. I thought back over everything he had said and his reactions to my words. I wasn't seeing things that weren't there. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd seen joy on Edward's face when I had asked him where I knew him from. However, his words were so cryptic. Why wouldn't I believe him when he told me where we had met?

As I left school that afternoon, I felt goose bumps rise on my arms and the eerie sensation of being watched. Swinging around after reaching my truck, I was not surprised to find that it was the rest of the Cullens watching me and who continued to watch me as I got into the truck and drove off. I shivered as if someone had walked over my grave.

The night was uneventful. I did my homework, I cooked dinner for me and Charlie then did some washing, still puzzling over the loss of my favorite panties. Never far from my mind were Edward's parting words.

I went to bed and tried to read for a while but after reading the same page ten times, I gave it up as a bad joke. I leaned over and switched off the light on my bedside table and thought about Edward some more. I might have just become a little obsessed.

The next thing I knew my alarm was blaring and I sat up rubbing my eyes. You guessed it…the first thought that popped into my head was of Edward. I had been dead to the world last night and couldn't remember dreaming at all. I sprang out of bed and rushed to the shower anxious now to be at my best, just in case Edward was at school today.

I must talk to Charlie about installing a heater in the bathroom I thought as my bare feet touched the cold tile. The warm water eventually eased my cold feet and I pondered what to wear today. This was very unlike me. I usually just wore the same old type of thing day in, day out. Jeans, chucks, shirt and jacket but the thought of the clothes that Alice and Rosalie Cullen wore made me wonder if I wasn't a little provincial.

I didn't have a lot to work with but made an effort to wear something a bit nicer than normal. I chose my reasonably new black jeans I hadn't yet worn to school and matched it with a sea green form fitting sweater that hugged my body a bit more than I was usually comfortable with. Renee had purchased it for my birthday, but I had yet to wear it.

As I walked out the front door, Charlie was just pulling up in my truck. I raised my eyebrows at him, a trait I'm sure came straight from him. As I stepped onto the footpath, my feet just went out from under me. After Charlie rushed over to help me up, he explained that he had chains fitted to my tires because of the icy roads.

I felt a little out of my element driving in to school today and took it really slow. We didn't have these problems in Phoenix where I'd learned to drive. After I parked the car in its usual spot, I grabbed my bag, my iPod so I could listen to music in the library later while I was studying in my free period, and my gloves. I stepped down out of the truck putting on my knitted gloves when I glanced up and just stopped dead. Edward was across the parking lot getting out of his silver Volvo, with Alice and Jasper exiting from the other side. Emmett and Rosalie pulled up in a big black jeep right beside them. How the hell did they look like they had just stepped out of a designer catalogue?

I blushed when I realized Edward had seen me and was watching me, leaning against his car with a small smile playing around his lips. I tentatively smiled back and just stood there like a fool drinking him in, in all his glory. He was back and, today, I was getting some answers.

The next few minutes were a blur. I remember Edward suddenly jerking his head around towards Alice on the other side of the car and glaring at her. They both just as quickly jerked back towards me and Edward yelled something out to me but a noisy engine and a squeal of tires drowned out his words.

Edward's arm shot out pointing at something behind me and as if in slow motion, I wheeled around and saw a large blue van careening across the ice straight towards me. Unlike my truck, my feet were not well equipped to deal with an icy surface and as I moved to get out of the way, they failed me. I started sliding and then scrabbling in fear for my life, making me desperate. Out of nowhere, something slammed into my left side and I hit the ground hard, my skull bouncing on the icy cold surface and then there was just nothing but blissful blackness.

I think I must have been dreaming but I could swear there was a faint scent of pine trees, strong arms gently holding me, cold lips caressing my forehead and a whispered litany of words over and over "Not again…please God…not again."

**End Note:**

**I have a blog that I put teasers and pictures up, so if you'd like to check it out - ****.**

**Chapter 14: a more obvious departure from Canon from here on in – Bella has been struck in the parking lot and is bleeding…**


	14. Chapter 14 Repercussions

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, Terri, beans827, for making this story look good and to my new pre-reader, the lovely DaniaMCullen for helping to make sure the plot stays on track - as things are going to be a little bit twisty from here on in….**

**.~.~.~.~.**

**Chapter 14 - Repercussions**

To you these lines for the consoling grace  
Of your great eyes wherein a soft dream shines,  
For your pure soul, all-kind!-to you these lines  
From the black deeps of mine unmatched distress.

'Tis that the hideous dream that doth oppress  
My soul, alas! its sad prey ne'er resigns,  
But like a pack of wolves down mad inclines  
Goes gathering heat upon my reddened trace!

I suffer, oh, I suffer cruelly!  
So that the first man's cry at Eden lost  
Was but an eclogue surely to my cry!

And that the sorrows, Dear, that may have crossed  
Your life, are but as swallows light that fly  
-Dear!-in a golden warm September sky.

(Paul Verlaine, A Woman, translation of A Une Femme)

_From Chapter 13-_

_The next few minutes were a blur. I remember Edward suddenly jerking his head around towards Alice on the other side of the car and glaring at her. They both just as quickly jerked back towards me and Edward yelled something out to me but a noisy engine and a squeal of tires drowned out his words._

_Edward's arm shot out pointing at something behind me and as if in slow motion, I wheeled around and saw a large blue van careening across the ice straight towards me. Unlike my truck, my feet were not well equipped to deal with an icy surface and as I moved to get out of the way, they failed me. I started sliding and then scrabbling in fear for my life, making me desperate. Out of nowhere, something slammed into my left side and I hit the ground hard, my skull bouncing on the icy cold surface and then there was just nothing but blissful blackness._

_I think I must have been dreaming but I could swear there was a faint scent of pine trees, strong arms gently holding me, cold lips caressing my forehead and a whispered litany of words over and over "Not again…please God…not again."_

**-Edward-**

When Carlisle, Emmett and I had left Bella's bedroom just before dawn this morning, I'd finally decided what my plan of action today at school would be. Firstly, I needed to assure Bella that I had fully recovered so that she wouldn't worry needlessly. Secondly, I thought it best to arrange a time to meet outside of school to tell her what I'd eventually worked out was the best answer about where we had met and thirdly, spend as much time with her as I possibly could, for her to get to know me a little better, before I dropped any major bombshells. That was the plan.

I thought it was a good plan and it would give me some more time to work out exactly how detailed Bella's dreams were and how much of our lives she could handle knowing. There was no way on earth I could handle her finding out the truth about me too soon, before she got to know me, revulsion showing on her face for what I am. It would kill me. Life would surely not be that cruel to me after all this time. To make me wait and suffer for so long, with hope and love just out of my grasp only to then rip it away so brutally when my dreams are so close.

Emmett snapped me out of my morose thoughts by slapping me on the back and giving me a bear hug just before I got into the Volvo. "You will be fine today, little bro! We've got your back!"

Why had I never noticed before how much Emmett looks out for me and for the rest of the family? His eternal optimism is actually quite uplifting and I resolved to start the day as I meant for it to continue – confident in my ability to pull this off. I hugged Emmett back and noted his surprise at the feel of my arms around him, squeezing him a little more than was comfortable.

I grinned and slipped into my seat, Alice and Jasper already buckled in and ready to go. Alice knew something but was taking my request to heart. At the moment, instead of giving me a sneak peak of my day, she was naming every variation of the color blue. I chuckled at her choice, remembering Bella's silky blue panties, hidden inside my own underwear drawer, the analogy not lost on me at all.

Once Emmett and Rosalie were ready to go in the Jeep parked alongside, I turned the key in the ignition and jumped at the music blaring out of my car speakers. Alice! Muse's _Feeling Good_ assaulted my eardrums and I outright laughed. Both Alice and Jasper did a double take at the happy sound and smiled almost as wide as I was. As I drove towards school, all of us hummed along until the chorus and then we burst into song at the sheer joy we were feeling…it was addictive!

_It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me_

_And I'm feeling good_

Alice and I tapped the drum beats out on the dash and Jasper on the back of my seat as we pulled into the school parking lot moments after Bella in her truck. I sat there for a moment to collect myself, taking a deep breath I didn't need before stepping out of the Volvo and turning towards Bella.

She was standing there at the door of her truck, her backpack slung over her shoulders and her hands full with gloves and her iPod. She acknowledged me with a smile and I was transfixed at the sight of her standing there watching me. I could feel my lips curve upwards of their own volition in response to her avid perusal. It wasn't a conscious action.

Despite the fact that I was by her side only hours ago, I was instantly drawn to her, instinctively needing to be by her side, to keep her safe and free from harm. I knew it was irrational – I mean really, what harm could befall her in a school parking lot surrounded by a ton of students on a day like every other day? But I couldn't help feeling this way though; it's not as if fate had been kind to me in the matter of love and my soul mate. Time and again, the love of my life had been ripped from my life and I was paranoid that it would happen again.

I was about to take a step towards her when a vision hit Alice out of the blue and with such force, she cringed. I wrenched my head around to Alice on the other side of my car in disbelief, our eyes widened with fear almost simultaneously as we saw Bella crushed and dying pinned against her truck by a huge blue van. All the breath in my body was sucked out and I felt like Emmett had taken a running leap and punched me hard in the diaphragm.

Noooo! This couldn't happen. Alice's visions could range from a minute ahead to years ahead so I didn't immediately know when this was meant to take place but my question was answered as soon as it left my mind by the sound of a van speeding into the parking lot. I spun back around to face Bella. I needed to make her move. Now!

"Bella! The van…look out! Move out of the way. Bellaaaa!"

_Why the fuck isn't she moving? She's now frowning at me but still not moving_.

By this time, the squeal of the tires and the revving of the engine drowned out the screams of the students it passed.

I gestured frantically at her, pointing to the van and this time, finally, she turned to the right and saw the blue monstrosity bearing down upon her. Is the seriousness of the situation dawn on her face and then her mad scramble to move out of the way. Her feet, clad in useless chucks with no grip, slipped on the icy ground.

Every instinct in me screamed to run to her, to scoop her up and get her the hell away from the danger. But my innate survival instincts warned me that the parking lot was crowded and my position near the steps was so open that I knew that I would be seen if I tried to save her. I was torn between my responsibility to my family and the one rule that governs all vampires: to remain under the radar of humans, and the overwhelming love I hold for this woman.

_Why the fuck am I just standing here doing nothing?_ Everyone's eyes were now focussed on the squealing van and not me. I made my decision. _Fuck it. I'll deal with any consequences later_. "Not her." I whispered and within a split second I was across the parking lot, but not as quickly as my brother who must have moved when he realized she was going to slip on the ice.

"_Eddie, I'll nudge the back of Bella's truck for the van to hit. You get to Bella, okay?"_ Emmett called out in his mind to me as he neared the scene. I nodded._ "I told you, I've got your back, bro!"_

Emmett reached the van moments before I did, and gently shoved the back of it a little forward to catch the worst of the impact and then darted back to his truck. I reached out for Bella.

I watched horrified as the movement of the truck caused the not quite closed door of the truck to fly back out and catch Bella in her side, slamming her even faster to the ground. Just as I reached her, but too late to stop it, her head slammed into the sharp gravel of the parking lot, knocking her unconscious. Seconds later the side of the van hit the back of the truck and I put my arm out to stop it ricocheting back into Bella.

I wanted to lift her into my arms and spirit her away to Carlisle immediately but reconsidered when I remembered how many of the students had seen her in front of her truck. Instead I dropped to my haunches and gently scooped Bella into my arms and off the icy ground. My lips found purchase on the cold skin of her forehead and I whispered to her, pleaded with her, _"Elizabeth…don't leave me…please don't leave me. Not again…please God…not again."_

From long experience, I automatically assumed the worst, but the slow stuttering beat of her heart jerked me back to my senses. When my stunned mind thought to check Bella's vital signs, I could feel her thready pulse and noticed her breathing seemed a little laboured. I examined her quickly and determined that she had several broken ribs from being hit with the door and a nasty gash on her forehead which was now dripping blood.

_Fuck!_

If I'd been alone with Bella, I would've screamed to the heavens, demanding to know why He kept punishing me, testing my resolve and now, putting me in the way of the ultimate temptation. I would sneer back that He wouldn't win. This time Elizabeth was staying and she would be my love eternal.

The draw of her blood was powerful but my love for her was even more so.

I could resist temptation. I would resist.

I would not be the harbinger of death to my love. HE can wait for eternity for her. I needed her now. It was my time with her…not his.

It felt like forever since the van screeched into the parking lot but it was, in fact, mere minutes. The shock of what they were seeing had worn off and the students were converging on the van. Tyler had smashed his head on something as he hit Bella's truck and there was blood dripping down his face now too. Not enough. He was looking at Bella and me and apologizing over and over again. I wanted to choke the life out of him for what he had done. With one act of reckless stupidity, he'd almost taken the fount of my life from me. He needed to be taught a lesson; it's my place to do so.

Bella shivered in my arms and my thoughts of revenge were shelved for the moment. I tore my jacket off, ripped the shoulder out of one arm and after wrapping her shoulders to keep her warm; I pressed the remnant of the sleeve against her temple to stem the flow of blood. By this time, a ring of anxious faces surrounded us, but for once I could barely hear their voices, let alone their inner thoughts, as I concentrated only on Bella and willing her to be okay.

As I whispered to her of my love and my vow to keep her safe forever more, I contemplated what the hell I would do if she started to deteriorate before I could get her to Carlisle. I was kidding myself though that there was any consideration to be made. I already knew what I would do; I was just trying to work out a viable excuse to justify the decision to my family. She would not die, at least, not unless she is reborn as a vampire. There was absolutely no alternative at all in my mind.

I was chafing with the knowledge that I could have carried her to the hospital and Carlisle in mere minutes, faster than they could drive even at their top speed. I was almost at the end of my tether and contemplated doing something stupid when Alice's mental voice finally cut through the fog I seem to be enveloped in._ "Edward, don't! The paramedics are almost here with Bella's father following hot on their tail."_

Before she finished speaking, I could hear the wail of the sirens and within a minute, the ambulance screeched into the parking lot. I felt a hand clamp down onto my shoulder as one of the paramedics ran up to me, warily eyeing the scowl I was sending his way and the protective way I drew Bella closer to me. Emmett leaned down and whispered in my ear. "They will take good care of Bella, Edward. You need to let go."

_Let go! Is he mad?_

_I can't let go! Not now… not ever again!_

"Sir, I need you to let go of the girl so I can check her injuries…Sir?"

I knew I needed to hand her over, but didn't this guy understand what he was asking me to do? He asked me to trust him with Bella. He asked me to trust him with my life. I honestly didn't know if I could.

I heard Emmett call out to Jasper to come and help, low enough for vampire hearing to catch but not the humans scattered around. Jasper was torn. He could feel my indecision and obstinacy from where he was, anchored to the car; his fingers clutching and depressing the metal of the Volvo. He was stalwartly holding his breath with two bleeding head injuries in close vicinity, but still managed to blanket the area with a calmness I desperately needed.

Emmett leaned down again and talked me through the last of my terror. "Edward, you need to trust this man. The paramedic can look after Bella. He knows what he is doing and you can ride in the ambulance with Bella, okay?" He is rubbed my back which surprisingly actually helped, the tension was slowly leaking away as I reluctantly loosened my hold on Bella. The paramedic, Steve, let out a breath gratefully, still a little unsure why he was feeling so much fear due to a punk school kid.

Steve gauged correctly that I was not ready to completely let Bella go and checked her over while she was still cradled loosely within my arms. As he pressed a little too firmly on her temple, Bella briefly groaned and her eyes fluttered open for mere seconds before closing again just as quickly. Steve was lucky that he had elicited such a positive response from Bella through his actions, otherwise those fingers he so carelessly pressed into her head would be history right about now. As it was, the blackness of my eyes caused him some concerns and he backed away quickly to confer with the other paramedic who had been tending Tyler.

The whole school pretty well turned as one to follow the screeching progression of a police car as it turned into the parking lot and came to a rolling stop at the side of the ambulance. To his credit, the only thing on Charlie Swan's mind right then was Bella's safety as he spotted her in my arms. It wasn't until he is almost upon us that he seemed perplexed as to why the doctors' son was holding his precious daughter so tenderly in his arms.

Steve came running back over to us, as Charlie reached our sides and at a barked request, promptly filled Bella's father in with Bella's vitals. The stretcher was brought over and both paramedics moved Bella to it. I couldn't bear to let her go completely and held her hand in mine as I followed the stretcher to the back of the ambulance. Now that Charlie was here, he was expecting to go with Bella and his thoughts turned a little bit feral at the sight of me clinging to her hand.

Alice thankfully made an appearance then and explained to Charlie that I was close to Bella when it happened and was shaken by the accident and worried about her. I didn't pay much attention to the words she used but Charlie calmed down and when she asked if it would be alright for me to wait at the hospital, he grudgingly gave his approval.

As I moved towards the ambulance, Alice pulled me back…hissing into my mind, _"Don't even think about it, Buster…you have been too close to blowing our real natures too many times in the last few minutes. The transfer into the ambulance will have opened Bella's head wound and the close confines of the ambulance are too dangerous for you to be anywhere near Bella right now."_

I growled at the vision I could see taking place in Alice's mind and sighed knowing she was perfectly right. I had skated too close to the wind already this morning and I could not tempt fate and assume that I was completely immune to Bella's blood now that the adrenaline, or what passes for it in a vampire, had settled.

"Will you take me to the hospital, Alice?" I whispered, feeling completely broken by the events of this morning.

"Of course, Edward." She assured me and settled me into the passenger seat, then slid into the back seat behind Jasper who was already behind the wheel with the engine running. He took a moment to grip my bicep and I felt a modicum of peace settle over me.

"Jasper, please. I just need to get to the hospital." He nodded once and reversed the car, following the ambulance to the hospital. I almost felt like I was functioning through a thick fog… my mind unable to focus on anything but the girl on the stretcher within the ambulance in front of me. Steve was tending to both her and Tyler, the fucker, while the other guy was up front driving. I could see the evidence of the re-opened temple wound gushed down the side of Bella's face and felt grateful that Alice was able to get through to me in time.

If her visions were any indication, then being in a confined space surrounded by Bella's blood would have turned into a bloodbath of Stephen King proportions. According to the very distinct, unwavering vision, I snapped and drained Bella when her blood eventually broke through my restraints, then snapped Charlie's neck with one hand as he tried to force me away from Bella and finally ripped the paramedic's head clean off as he screamed at all he had seen. While still in a red haze, I had ripped open the door of the ambulance and then sent it and the driver down a ravine to hide the evidence.

And then I tried to kill myself the only way I knew how. I went to Volterra and did the one thing we vampires can never do – exposed myself - within seconds I had been pulled into a million pieces and fed into a blazing fire by Aro himself.

I'd thought of killing myself more than once before and even tried it numerous times without success. I was so close the day I'd lost Elizabeth but the lure of revenge won out that day and changed the course of my life forever.

During the years I had tried to find her murderer, I had let my despair dictate my actions on more than one occasion. Back then, I didn't fully realize exactly how indestructible we are.

Just before I returned to Chicago in 1931, I hit a brick wall and decided then to end it all. My life had no meaning without Elizabeth in it and I had lost all signs of a trail from **him **long ago. I was in New York at the time and had just decided that I could never survive a fall from the newly built Empire State Building at 102 stories high. Yes, I already knew we were pretty much invincible. I'd already tried the usual things people do to end their lives – standing in front of a freight train, jumping off the cliff face into a ravine, gun to the head, drinking poison.

But vampires aren't the usual and it was like that movie _Groundhog Day – _I'd try something and then I'd wake up and I was whole again. The incident with the freight train ended up with a crumpled train and spilled goods and the smallest little indent in my body which healed within minutes. Same with the ravine. My legs were a broken mess when I landed but within moments had straightened and I had nary a scratch. The gun was interesting. Tried it in a few places but only ended up with angry neighbors because of the noise and a bucketful of squished bullets. I thought the poison was actually working because about ten minutes after I swallowed it, my insides were twisting and convulsing but it was simply working its way back up my throat and came speeding back out. I got the same reaction from a cherry cola I had swallowed once when trying to blend in as a human.

I had high hopes for the Empire State building though. This was much higher than anything I had ever attempted and surely something would give. I had scaled the side of the building at midnight and as I reached the top, I scanned the horizon once and without further ado, I jumped. I'm not going to lie, this time it really hurt but within about ten minutes I was up and walking again. That was when I decided to return to Chicago just to be close to Elizabeth in her resting place.

I straightened in my seat as we pulled up at the hospital, behind the ambulance and finally realized that Emmett and Rosalie had followed as well in the jeep. For the first time, I realized how much I needed my family and their support. Even knowing that Bella's injuries were minor thanks to Emmett's actions in the parking lot, I was not coping well.

All five of us trudged through the main doors of the hospital, after being denied admittance through the Emergency entrance assigned to the ambulance drivers. I quickly scanned the hospital for Carlisle, knowing he was on shift today and after locating him in his office, asked Rose and Emmett to let him know what happened so that he could treat Bella rather than somebody else.

Alice, Jasper and I made our way straight to the Emergency Room and requested to see Bella. Frustratingly, we were denied admittance and Jasper had to use all his calming powers to keep me in place instead of slamming into the ER and locating Bella myself. Alice simply reminded me about her bleeding wound and I calmed down enough to avoid doing anything stupid.

Thankfully Carlisle strode through the outer doors at that point, with Rose and Emmett hot on his heels. He came straight towards me and enveloped me in a hug which I gratefully accepted. Without spoken word, he conveyed that he knew what had happened and that he would take the best care of Bella, but also that I had to remain calm. I nodded acceptance and he pushed through the doors.

It was increasingly difficult to remain still while Carlisle greeted Tyler cheerily and then Charlie as he rounded Bella's bed. Bella was still not awake and I was becoming very concerned that she had suffered a far more serious head injury than I'd thought. Alice grabbed my arm just in time or I would have been bursting through those doors. "Wait for Carlisle." She insisted. I grudgingly acquiesced.

Carlisle began blocking his thoughts from me the longer he examined Bella which freaked me the fuck out. I began pacing the perimeter of the waiting room floor, waiting for him to return and tell me she was okay. Any alternative was not acceptable. As he finished up his exam, I could hear him as he told Charlie what I already knew to be true. Bella had sustained two broken ribs, her wrist was broken as well as the graze on her temple. None of these was life threatening in any way and would heal shortly. He was very concerned that Bella had remained unconscious from striking her head on the ground and wanted to run some scans to determine if there was any damage besides the swelling.

Now he unblocked his thoughts and his message to me was to stay calm, that it was more than likely just the swelling to the brain and her body's way of coping with it. _Yeah right. Stay calm._ I leaned on the window frame and contemplated ways to get in to see Bella now. She needed me.

Then my planning came to naught anyway as Bella was immediately wheeled out and taken to have a C-T scan leaving her father standing next to me wringing his hands with worry. And then he started pacing…where moments before I had paced. I worried that he was going to start grilling me about who I was and why I had Bella in my arms but he just kept pacing and worrying, glancing at the clock. What seemed like hours later but was probably less than an hour, Charlie was given the news that Bella had been moved to a room.

Finally he turned to me.

"Thank you, son, for looking after my girl. I could see you took right good care of her before the ambulance got there. It looks like Bella's here overnight. Maybe you could come back in the morning when I'm on shift and sit with her for me?"

In his mind, Charlie was wondering if I was her boyfriend and was sad that Bella was still not all that comfortable with him enough to talk to him about her life. He thought about asking me to come with him to Bella's room but changed his mind. Damn it.

My mind was such a mess with worry, I am surprised that I didn't just blurt out all that I was to his darling girl.

Before I could do something stupid, Carlisle walked into the waiting room and after smiling gently at me, strode over to Charlie.

"Charlie, the scans looked good. There is some swelling but we couldn't see any signs of other damage. I would expect that the swelling will start to come down in the next day and Bella should be fine."

Charlie slumped in relief and hugged Carlisle spontaneously which was an unusual action for both of them. Charlie jumped back surprised from a combination of the coolness emanating from Carlisle's body and embarrassment at his loss of control. He gruffly thanked Carlisle and left the room before popping his head back through the door and reminding me about sitting with Bella in the morning while he was at work. I almost snorted; as if I would forget that, and anyway, as soon as he left tonight, I was going through the window into Bella's room.

As soon as Charlie left, Carlisle asked the rest of us to follow him to his office.

No sooner had he closed his office door behind us, he asked me what had happened this morning in more detail. I explained about arriving at the school, seeing Alice's vision of Bella's accident and making the decision to save her as I was worried that I would become uncontrollable when her blood was spilled as seen in the vision.

Rosalie snorted and spat out. "You endangered us all today, Edward. If you were that worried, you could have run in the other direction until you were far away from temptation. Now I'm sure half the school suspects something suspicious since one minute you were at your car and the next cuddling little Swan like she was the most precious thing. We will have to move."

Move! No!

"And another thing! Why did you call her Elizabeth and beg her not to die…again?"

**.~.~.~.~.**

**End Note:**

**I have a blog that I put teasers and pictures up, so if you'd like to check it out – www(dot)edwardsisobel(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**Chapter 15: hmmmm…someone heard that after all! What will Edward do now – will he tell all?**

Just a little note to bring to people's attention something that the fandom has done for my home state - Queensland, Australia - which was affected by the devastating floods recently:

**Fandoms Fight the Floods**has been established by a group of eight dedicated and hard working Aussies, some of whom are directly affected in the crisis. Their aim is to support the Queensland Premier's Flood Appeal, and to co-ordinate a fundraising effort to raise as much money as possible from the incredible and generous world of Fanfiction.

The aim is to put together a compilation of stories from Fanfiction authors across the different fandoms'. The compilation will be made available to readers who donate a minimum of $5 to either the Queensland Premier's Flood Relief Fund (www . qld . gov . au / floods) or the St Vincent De Paul Society (www . vinnies . org . au / home-qld)

**You can help in a number of ways:**

**If you write, you can contribute a one-shot or out-take for the compilation;**

**If you beta/pre-read, you can offer your services to a writer contributing a fic;**

**If you are a reader, then a small donation of $5 will earn you the compilation**

Please take a moment to visit the blogspot: http : / / fandomsfightthefloods . blogspot . com

Specific information is available on that site for authors who would like to contribute, a list of authors currently contributing and details of how to donate to obtain a copy of the compilation.

If you have further questions, you may contact them by email: fandomsfightthefloods (at) gmail . com

Information can also be accessed via their Facebook page (Fandoms Fight the Floods) and by fandoms4floods on twitter.

Please help the victims of this natural disaster.


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